Recent posts
#61
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Alice a long term survivor of ...
Last post by Madamadness - June 30, 2025, 01:27:57 AMI've been through it. I've learned i need to let go of toxicity. no more ranting and raving instead of getting better. no more finding enablers to justify this. I'm broken and I'm going to put myself back together. but i shouldn't do it alone. I'm here for support not commiseration save your sympathy.
#62
Sexual Abuse / How to Tell Your Therapist You...
Last post by BlueMoon_ - June 29, 2025, 06:03:25 PMI feel really awkward writing this because I'm afraid I'm just making this up, so I might delete this later.
There are behaviours during my childhood that, looking back, concern me, because I'm worried they were signs of being SA'd.
However I don't remember actually being assaulted; the closest thing I recall is only some weird comments by my dad that were innapropriate for a kid in my opinion. For example, 'You have long eyelashes. If you bat those, the boys will do anything for you when you grow up.'
Even if the behaviours didn't happen due to SA, how can I bring them up to my therapist? I'm very shy when it comes to talking about intimacy and I even don't really like to say words like 'sex' around others 😖.
There are behaviours during my childhood that, looking back, concern me, because I'm worried they were signs of being SA'd.
However I don't remember actually being assaulted; the closest thing I recall is only some weird comments by my dad that were innapropriate for a kid in my opinion. For example, 'You have long eyelashes. If you bat those, the boys will do anything for you when you grow up.'
Even if the behaviours didn't happen due to SA, how can I bring them up to my therapist? I'm very shy when it comes to talking about intimacy and I even don't really like to say words like 'sex' around others 😖.
#63
Sleep Issues / Nightmares That Seem To Hint t...
Last post by BlueMoon_ - June 29, 2025, 05:53:28 PMThis is just a quick vent for me 
I always forget my nightmares after they happen, but lately there is something about them I catch for a second that I can't put my finger on. Like it's a forgotten memory trying to communicate itself to me, but I don't know what it's trying to tell me.
I always forget my nightmares after they happen, but lately there is something about them I catch for a second that I can't put my finger on. Like it's a forgotten memory trying to communicate itself to me, but I don't know what it's trying to tell me.
#64
General Discussion / Re: Fear of men/fear of anger
Last post by Kizzie - June 29, 2025, 04:03:48 PMGood luck, I hope you are able to find some good professional help. 
#65
Recovery Journals / Re: Of course it's worth it!
Last post by Blueberry - June 29, 2025, 02:04:53 PMQuote from: sanmagic7 on June 29, 2025, 01:14:31 PMmaybe those lovely conversations kind of blew your circuits, blueberry. things might have simply been too much 'good' for you and you're needing some time to process, allow the good feelings from them to sink in, and finally be ok with them.
That is possible, you know. I used to act quite strongly that way. Probably goes back to FOO being very disapproving of anybody being kind to me or supporting me in any way that they considered dangerous to the status quo, or sometimes more than FOO being disapproving, sometimes they were downright emotionally abusive and/or neglectful.
#66
Recovery Journals / Re: Of course it's worth it!
Last post by sanmagic7 - June 29, 2025, 01:14:31 PMmaybe those lovely conversations kind of blew your circuits, blueberry. things might have simply been too much 'good' for you and you're needing some time to process, allow the good feelings from them to sink in, and finally be ok with them. just a thought.
at any rate, i hope you can accept that what your system needs right now is gentleness and kindness - sending love and a hug filled with both your way.
at any rate, i hope you can accept that what your system needs right now is gentleness and kindness - sending love and a hug filled with both your way.
#67
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by sanmagic7 - June 29, 2025, 01:10:06 PMhey, NK, i truly relate to not having feelings about things that happened in childhood, and having to cope with them now as they begin coming up. i'm right there with you - c-ptsd sucks! i've often found it overwhelming, too, to have these feelings pop up and don't always know what to do with them. from my experience, as i kept going w/ them, they became easier in time to cope with.
i'm glad you realized that therapy can still be helpful. c-ptsd has such a stunning array of ways to get to us, and i've found having help and support extremely important as i kept finding more. best to you! love and hugs
i'm glad you realized that therapy can still be helpful. c-ptsd has such a stunning array of ways to get to us, and i've found having help and support extremely important as i kept finding more. best to you! love and hugs
#68
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: A little bit about me
Last post by Dalloway - June 29, 2025, 12:54:30 PMWelcome to the forum, Trius, I´m glad you found us. It´s a really amazing place to start connecting to people because of the anonymity that protects us and all the wonderful people who went through similar experiences. I´m sorry that you suffered so much, but I´m glad you found a way to start healing. Trauma takes away so much from us and forms us in ways that we end up not liking about ourselves, but I believe that it´s possible to heal, even if it´s a life-long journey. So welcome again.
#69
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by Dalloway - June 29, 2025, 12:41:57 PMNothing is upsetting in what you wrote, in fact, I´m grateful for the hug and the support you are sending with your comment. The hardest thing for me right now is that I feel very alone with my feelings and very isolated, so the fact that you can relate to and understand me helps a lot. So as a thank you I´m sending a hug back.
#70
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by dollyvee - June 29, 2025, 08:47:31 AMHi NK,
I agree that there are sometimes things which come up in our lives that reveal, or break, the illusion of control that I have to function with in my life. Or, what I have always grown up with, managed, that has given me a sense of safety in the face of the unpredictability of my family, as you pinpointed. It's true that like you said, I had no idea they were there, or what they even were until it happened. For me, the big one is/was driving. I've broken it down over the years and have gotten better on my 0-60 anger over the carelessness of other drivers. It took me a while to work out though that the anger, and big emotional reactions, were a result of feeling like my life was somehow threatened by the negligence of others. Something which, writing this out, I can see was a situation I often had to deal with FOO. My m going out at night to the bar and leaving me home as six/seven year old while I was "asleep" was something I had to deal with. Waking up in the middle of the night while she was out was also something I had to deal with, and if anything happened during that time, that was up to me too.
So, I think for me, driving was the one thing where I couldn't avoid being put in potentially harmful situations (and at the mercy of other people) where it brought up all those feelings from before, and the resulting anger at being put in that situation in the first place. Like your t said, I think it has been helpful to bring these feelings up and acknowledge them. Well, maybe not just feel the feelings (as I think in the past I have got lost in that and not really known what to do with them or what the next step was), but to just be more aware of my internal world and when I was noticing shifts in what was happening if that makes sense. Like just saying, oh that's a different reaction what is that? This is where I think NARM has been so helpful for me. I am also realizing lately that there are things happening "under the surface" that I am not really conscious of that is taking work to bring out into the light. So, yeah CPTSD does suck, but it also gets better bit by bit sometimes.
I hope you are finding some space to process all this
dolly
I agree that there are sometimes things which come up in our lives that reveal, or break, the illusion of control that I have to function with in my life. Or, what I have always grown up with, managed, that has given me a sense of safety in the face of the unpredictability of my family, as you pinpointed. It's true that like you said, I had no idea they were there, or what they even were until it happened. For me, the big one is/was driving. I've broken it down over the years and have gotten better on my 0-60 anger over the carelessness of other drivers. It took me a while to work out though that the anger, and big emotional reactions, were a result of feeling like my life was somehow threatened by the negligence of others. Something which, writing this out, I can see was a situation I often had to deal with FOO. My m going out at night to the bar and leaving me home as six/seven year old while I was "asleep" was something I had to deal with. Waking up in the middle of the night while she was out was also something I had to deal with, and if anything happened during that time, that was up to me too.
So, I think for me, driving was the one thing where I couldn't avoid being put in potentially harmful situations (and at the mercy of other people) where it brought up all those feelings from before, and the resulting anger at being put in that situation in the first place. Like your t said, I think it has been helpful to bring these feelings up and acknowledge them. Well, maybe not just feel the feelings (as I think in the past I have got lost in that and not really known what to do with them or what the next step was), but to just be more aware of my internal world and when I was noticing shifts in what was happening if that makes sense. Like just saying, oh that's a different reaction what is that? This is where I think NARM has been so helpful for me. I am also realizing lately that there are things happening "under the surface" that I am not really conscious of that is taking work to bring out into the light. So, yeah CPTSD does suck, but it also gets better bit by bit sometimes.
I hope you are finding some space to process all this
dolly