Recent posts
#51
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Hope67 - December 15, 2025, 06:58:22 PMQuote from: Little2Nothing on October 29, 2025, 06:45:32 PMI do want to report that I have been making good progress in relation to my cptsd. The EMDR seems to help even if it seems it shouldn't. I find myself less apt to lose my patience, though at times it is a struggle. The feelings of aloneness are less frequent, but not less disturbing when they come.
The aloneness has been a consistent part of my life. Though I can now shake myself out of it on occasion it wins more than not. I am grateful for the progress. There is so much damage that has to be undone. I have to keep reminding myself that healing is a process. It takes time.
Hi Little2Nothing,
I am just catching up with your journal, and it was so lovely to read your progress here - I wanted to cheer you
because it is heart-warming to hear. I agree with you that healing is a process that takes time, but hearing you speak of the things you're achieving, it's very inspiring to hear.Sending you a hug
#52
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here
Last post by Hope67 - December 15, 2025, 06:51:13 PMHi Abitbroken,
Welcome. I hope you'll be kind to yourself, pace things, and that you and your little cat will both have some positive moments to enjoy. Sending you a hug of support, if that's ok
Welcome. I hope you'll be kind to yourself, pace things, and that you and your little cat will both have some positive moments to enjoy. Sending you a hug of support, if that's ok
#53
AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Re: Guilt for being traumatize...
Last post by Kizzie - December 15, 2025, 06:08:05 PMI have a long history of feeling guilty for being 'that person', the one with issues and sensitivities and reactions... As I read your post though I realized that I am feeling less so these days and the reason is understanding emotionally not just intellectually that I am this way for good reason. I was abused, we all were (and/or neglected) and that had ramifications on the heart, body and mind as anyone here can attest to.
Would I give up being 'that person' if I could? In a heartbeat. It isn't about attention seeking, if anything many of us hide our symptoms as best we can and then when they leak out because our mental and physical system are overwhelmed, boom we feel that guilt you write about.
In addition to now knowing that my symptoms are part of who I am because of what happened to me (the same as if I'd been in a car accident), I see now that if someone has a medical condition likes heart issues, cancer or whatever, we (society) don't hold them accountable and we understand they need to manage their health and well-being. I've come to believe that we deserve the same. It's one reason for this website, forum and for the book and healthcare project just completed - they are meant to educate others (and ourselves) about what happened to us, how it impacted us, why we deserve understanding, respect and support, and to take away the guilt so many of us feel.
I hope you will be able to let go of the guilt as you recover
Would I give up being 'that person' if I could? In a heartbeat. It isn't about attention seeking, if anything many of us hide our symptoms as best we can and then when they leak out because our mental and physical system are overwhelmed, boom we feel that guilt you write about.
In addition to now knowing that my symptoms are part of who I am because of what happened to me (the same as if I'd been in a car accident), I see now that if someone has a medical condition likes heart issues, cancer or whatever, we (society) don't hold them accountable and we understand they need to manage their health and well-being. I've come to believe that we deserve the same. It's one reason for this website, forum and for the book and healthcare project just completed - they are meant to educate others (and ourselves) about what happened to us, how it impacted us, why we deserve understanding, respect and support, and to take away the guilt so many of us feel.
I hope you will be able to let go of the guilt as you recover
#54
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD from childhood abuse...
Last post by Kizzie - December 15, 2025, 05:45:23 PMWelcome to Out of the Storm Noraw! 
No worries about the length of your post, it's really common for new members to write a lot because there's so much that you need to get out. The opposite also happens where it takes a new member time to post very much because they feel so vulnerable and unsafe even in an anonymous forum.
So considering what you went through and how it impacted you I think you did a great job of sharing in spite of having learned to shut down!
In terms of what treatment works it really is different for everyone. I know lots of people here do IFS, EMDR and CBT. They each seem to work for different aspects of CPTSD so it's trial and error I'm afraid. This is where we've (survivors) have had to educate ourselves as to the different approaches to the various symptoms and comorbidities of CPTSD, for example freeze and/or dissociation.
That said, when I read your post I was thinking (just my opinion), that whatever therapist you do choose needs to use a relational approach in which they work with you to feel safe and stay present. If you Google it you'll get an idea of what it is and why it might be helpful for you. Here's one description I found:
Relational therapy is a psychotherapy approach focusing on how relationships, both past and present, deeply influence emotional well-being, aiming to build healthier, more satisfying connections by exploring relational patterns, fostering vulnerability, and using the therapeutic relationship itself as a tool for healing wounds and developing trust, boundaries, and deeper self-understanding. It's helpful for anxiety, insecurity, trauma, or relationship distress, teaching individuals to recognize unhealthy patterns and form more fulfilling bonds with themselves and others.
Hope this helps!
Kizzie
No worries about the length of your post, it's really common for new members to write a lot because there's so much that you need to get out. The opposite also happens where it takes a new member time to post very much because they feel so vulnerable and unsafe even in an anonymous forum.
So considering what you went through and how it impacted you I think you did a great job of sharing in spite of having learned to shut down!
In terms of what treatment works it really is different for everyone. I know lots of people here do IFS, EMDR and CBT. They each seem to work for different aspects of CPTSD so it's trial and error I'm afraid. This is where we've (survivors) have had to educate ourselves as to the different approaches to the various symptoms and comorbidities of CPTSD, for example freeze and/or dissociation.
That said, when I read your post I was thinking (just my opinion), that whatever therapist you do choose needs to use a relational approach in which they work with you to feel safe and stay present. If you Google it you'll get an idea of what it is and why it might be helpful for you. Here's one description I found:
Relational therapy is a psychotherapy approach focusing on how relationships, both past and present, deeply influence emotional well-being, aiming to build healthier, more satisfying connections by exploring relational patterns, fostering vulnerability, and using the therapeutic relationship itself as a tool for healing wounds and developing trust, boundaries, and deeper self-understanding. It's helpful for anxiety, insecurity, trauma, or relationship distress, teaching individuals to recognize unhealthy patterns and form more fulfilling bonds with themselves and others.
Hope this helps!
Kizzie
#55
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Little2Nothing - December 15, 2025, 04:52:46 PMArmee, my resistance is beginning to wane. My T has been patiently working with me to help me connect with my past hurts. I am learning how effective these exercises are and the benefit I derive from them.
NK, I think everything is distorted for those who have experienced significant trauma. It's hard to determine what normal might actually look like. Finding some way to distract the little rascal isn't a bad idea at all.
Chart, thanks for the hugs!
Thinking more about the holiday blues. I think that the extreme contrast between the idealized Christmas and the reality in my home as a child made the longing for soundness even more intense. I lived in a bubble of unkindness, violence, and sheer terror. Christmas was never a happy time. That was my reality. Everything else around me told me that I was abnormal. My holidays never resembled the Currier and Ives ideal. A hallmark moment in our home was when someone didn't wind up in the hospital.
Every song spoke of happiness, joy and peace. The music was sentimental and left a lingering sense of longing. Now, I don't know how many people felt the same as me. I'm sure there are plenty. TV shows always had some astoundingly touching Christmas story. Some miracle occurred, some need was always met. The message was that Christmas produced miracles. Everything bad became good.
As a kid I was on the outside looking in. I never had a Christmas miracle, no happy music, no sentimental reunions, everything I experienced was the exact opposite of that. The happenings at Christmas were no different than the rest of the year, but during the rest of the year I was not bombarded with promises of miracles and happy endings. As a child I believed the stories, or at least intensely longed for them.
Those feelings of loss precipitated by the season were profound. At no other time of the year did I experience that compounded loneliness. That sense of loss stays with me along with the memories, fear, and sadness. I may never rise above this, but I believe it can get better. I'm not living there anymore, though someone forgot to tell that to the part of me that suffers this time of year.
NK, I think everything is distorted for those who have experienced significant trauma. It's hard to determine what normal might actually look like. Finding some way to distract the little rascal isn't a bad idea at all.
Chart, thanks for the hugs!
Thinking more about the holiday blues. I think that the extreme contrast between the idealized Christmas and the reality in my home as a child made the longing for soundness even more intense. I lived in a bubble of unkindness, violence, and sheer terror. Christmas was never a happy time. That was my reality. Everything else around me told me that I was abnormal. My holidays never resembled the Currier and Ives ideal. A hallmark moment in our home was when someone didn't wind up in the hospital.
Every song spoke of happiness, joy and peace. The music was sentimental and left a lingering sense of longing. Now, I don't know how many people felt the same as me. I'm sure there are plenty. TV shows always had some astoundingly touching Christmas story. Some miracle occurred, some need was always met. The message was that Christmas produced miracles. Everything bad became good.
As a kid I was on the outside looking in. I never had a Christmas miracle, no happy music, no sentimental reunions, everything I experienced was the exact opposite of that. The happenings at Christmas were no different than the rest of the year, but during the rest of the year I was not bombarded with promises of miracles and happy endings. As a child I believed the stories, or at least intensely longed for them.
Those feelings of loss precipitated by the season were profound. At no other time of the year did I experience that compounded loneliness. That sense of loss stays with me along with the memories, fear, and sadness. I may never rise above this, but I believe it can get better. I'm not living there anymore, though someone forgot to tell that to the part of me that suffers this time of year.
#56
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by SenseOrgan - December 15, 2025, 04:25:16 PMSo happy to hear San! Good luck today!
#57
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by SenseOrgan - December 15, 2025, 04:22:47 PMThank you for sharing this experience Desert Flower. Such a beautiful and tender homecoming.
You know, I was afraid that I had written too much of my own thoughts in your journal, your extra safe space on the forum. Since you've mentioned meditation in the past, what I soaked up from many teachers, and what has become a great support to me in difficult times, started pouring out. I'm glad it landed OK. It's so wonderful to see your self compassion, -acceptance, and courage. 🙏
You know, I was afraid that I had written too much of my own thoughts in your journal, your extra safe space on the forum. Since you've mentioned meditation in the past, what I soaked up from many teachers, and what has become a great support to me in difficult times, started pouring out. I'm glad it landed OK. It's so wonderful to see your self compassion, -acceptance, and courage. 🙏
#58
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD from childhood abuse...
Last post by noraw - December 15, 2025, 03:57:26 PMSorry that it is so long, it is my first post and I know I didn't need to write so much. It is ok if anyone needs to skip to the bottom paragraph.
#59
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Desert Flower - December 15, 2025, 03:55:58 PMHej San, I'm so glad you're feeling better finally, that's great! And I wish you and your D well with the testing, that is stressful again.
#60
General Discussion / CPTSD from childhood abuse – w...
Last post by noraw - December 15, 2025, 03:54:44 PMI'm in my early 30s and believe I have complex PTSD from growing up in a chronically unsafe, emotionally abusive, and very unstable environment. I'm still trying to find the right words for everything, so I appreciate patience as I share some of my background.
I grew up with a mother who had severe, untreated and misdiagnosed mental health issues, including a later diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. From a very young age I was exposed to intense emotional volatility, neglect, fear, and abuse. My mother frequently and severely self-harmed and made suicide threats directed at me, often blaming me and telling me it was my fault or that I had "made" her do it. She would threaten to hurt herself if I "misbehaved."
These situations were terrifying and deeply confusing, and there was no adult who stepped in to protect me. This doesn't even touch on the silent treatment, rage, humiliation, mocking, or being left in unsafe situations with men, only to have those experiences laughed off or dismissed if I tried to speak up.
My mother's own upbringing was also unsafe, and my extended family weren't much different. My father was emotionally unavailable and lived with his own significant mental health difficulties, so I didn't have a safe parent or adult to turn to at any point.
On top of everything at home, I was bullied at school and had no real support system anywhere. Over time, I learned to shut down, stay quiet, and survive rather than develop a sense of self. I think I internalised a deep belief that I was a burden and that my needs were too much.
As an adult, I struggle with ongoing symptoms that feel very consistent with CPTSD. I dissociate and lose time, deal with chronic anxiety, experience shutdown and freeze, have difficulty functioning day to day, and struggle with significant body image issues. At the moment I find it extremely hard to leave the house and spend almost all of my time indoors. I keep myself very much to myself, avoid interaction as much as possible, and stay in my own space, but it still feels like my nervous system never fully switches out of survival mode.
I recently cancelled therapy after about a year because I wasn't sure it was helping. I felt increasingly confused and stuck. The therapist was trauma-informed and used IFS, which I know helps many people, but I don't think it fully addressed my level of freeze and dissociation or helped me understand what was happening in my body and nervous system.
Part of my confusion now is around what kind of treatment is actually effective for this kind of trauma, especially when dissociation and freeze feel so constant. I know there are different approaches for CPTSD, but finding someone who can really work with this and explain it in a way that makes sense to me feels overwhelming.
I also still struggle with a lot of self-doubt and minimising what I went through. I notice a strong part of me that feels the need to explain everything in detail just to feel sure it really was abuse or to feel validated. I've tried to balance that here by not saying everything, but that in itself feels difficult.
I'm hoping to hear from others who relate, particularly around what types of therapy or approaches helped you, what didn't help, and whether it took time before things started to shift. I'd also really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experience navigating therapy while living with long-term freeze and dissociation.
Thank you for reading
I grew up with a mother who had severe, untreated and misdiagnosed mental health issues, including a later diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. From a very young age I was exposed to intense emotional volatility, neglect, fear, and abuse. My mother frequently and severely self-harmed and made suicide threats directed at me, often blaming me and telling me it was my fault or that I had "made" her do it. She would threaten to hurt herself if I "misbehaved."
These situations were terrifying and deeply confusing, and there was no adult who stepped in to protect me. This doesn't even touch on the silent treatment, rage, humiliation, mocking, or being left in unsafe situations with men, only to have those experiences laughed off or dismissed if I tried to speak up.
My mother's own upbringing was also unsafe, and my extended family weren't much different. My father was emotionally unavailable and lived with his own significant mental health difficulties, so I didn't have a safe parent or adult to turn to at any point.
On top of everything at home, I was bullied at school and had no real support system anywhere. Over time, I learned to shut down, stay quiet, and survive rather than develop a sense of self. I think I internalised a deep belief that I was a burden and that my needs were too much.
As an adult, I struggle with ongoing symptoms that feel very consistent with CPTSD. I dissociate and lose time, deal with chronic anxiety, experience shutdown and freeze, have difficulty functioning day to day, and struggle with significant body image issues. At the moment I find it extremely hard to leave the house and spend almost all of my time indoors. I keep myself very much to myself, avoid interaction as much as possible, and stay in my own space, but it still feels like my nervous system never fully switches out of survival mode.
I recently cancelled therapy after about a year because I wasn't sure it was helping. I felt increasingly confused and stuck. The therapist was trauma-informed and used IFS, which I know helps many people, but I don't think it fully addressed my level of freeze and dissociation or helped me understand what was happening in my body and nervous system.
Part of my confusion now is around what kind of treatment is actually effective for this kind of trauma, especially when dissociation and freeze feel so constant. I know there are different approaches for CPTSD, but finding someone who can really work with this and explain it in a way that makes sense to me feels overwhelming.
I also still struggle with a lot of self-doubt and minimising what I went through. I notice a strong part of me that feels the need to explain everything in detail just to feel sure it really was abuse or to feel validated. I've tried to balance that here by not saying everything, but that in itself feels difficult.
I'm hoping to hear from others who relate, particularly around what types of therapy or approaches helped you, what didn't help, and whether it took time before things started to shift. I'd also really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experience navigating therapy while living with long-term freeze and dissociation.
Thank you for reading