Recent posts
#51
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Alice a long term survivor...
Last post by NarcKiddo - July 01, 2025, 11:47:27 AMWelcome. I'm glad you are seeking support rather than trying to go it totally alone. I am confident you will find support here.
#52
Sexual Abuse / Re: How to Tell Your Therapist...
Last post by Kizzie - June 30, 2025, 04:56:38 PMBlueMoon, IMO you are well within your rights to let your T know that you think there may a particular issue, in this case possible SA, you need/want to talk about but let them know how you would like to approach it. It sounds like going slowly, testing the waters to see if you feel anxiety which as BB has suggested may signal there is something there you need to deal with may be the best approach. I'm always about going slow with things that cause anxiety or an EF to rise up because it's me telling me it's too much all at once.
And just my opinion here too, but the fact that you wrote a post about possible SA tells me that there is likely something there that needs dealing with so maybe don't delete it or at least if you do come back and revisit it at some point. The things we push down have a way of popping back up.
And just my opinion here too, but the fact that you wrote a post about possible SA tells me that there is likely something there that needs dealing with so maybe don't delete it or at least if you do come back and revisit it at some point. The things we push down have a way of popping back up.
#53
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Alice a long term survivor...
Last post by Blueberry - June 30, 2025, 01:44:48 PMWelcome to the forum! It's a good supportive place. I think we do more empathy here than sympathy.
#54
Sexual Abuse / Re: How to Tell Your Therapist...
Last post by Blueberry - June 30, 2025, 01:40:53 PMYou could possibly start saying something like this to your T?
If you're shy about intimacy and wish you weren't, that's a legitimate topic for therapy, whether or not there is/was abuse. If you start exploring the topic very gently with your T - I mean just talking - it may become clear to you whether there's likely to be trauma behind it, for ex. if your mind goes blank or you have other reactions of that sort or go into an EF, then it's probably not just you being 'normally shy'.
You don't actually have to have been assaulted to have been SA'd. 'just' being touched counts, as do inappropriate sexual remarks, being forced to watch inappropriate behaviour / films /magazines etc. There may well have been assaults too, you could have forgotten them or they're hidden in your subconscious for protection. You wouldn't be the first for that to happen to.
How much you say when also depends on how much you know and trust your T, how long you've been with your T.
There is CSA in my past, but it's not the most obvious kind and I was disbelieved by some Ts, particularly a couple of decades ago. So, my advice is to go slowly, not unpack everything at once.
Quote from: BlueMoon_ on June 29, 2025, 06:03:25 PMI'm very shy when it comes to talking about intimacy and I even don't really like to say words like 'sex' around othersplus add the weird comments from your father.
If you're shy about intimacy and wish you weren't, that's a legitimate topic for therapy, whether or not there is/was abuse. If you start exploring the topic very gently with your T - I mean just talking - it may become clear to you whether there's likely to be trauma behind it, for ex. if your mind goes blank or you have other reactions of that sort or go into an EF, then it's probably not just you being 'normally shy'.
You don't actually have to have been assaulted to have been SA'd. 'just' being touched counts, as do inappropriate sexual remarks, being forced to watch inappropriate behaviour / films /magazines etc. There may well have been assaults too, you could have forgotten them or they're hidden in your subconscious for protection. You wouldn't be the first for that to happen to.
How much you say when also depends on how much you know and trust your T, how long you've been with your T.
There is CSA in my past, but it's not the most obvious kind and I was disbelieved by some Ts, particularly a couple of decades ago. So, my advice is to go slowly, not unpack everything at once.
#55
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - June 30, 2025, 12:18:15 PMyep, got the chapbook in on time, so that's a big bunch of stress off my shoulders. i know nothing will come of it, but you know what? i frickin' did it! so i have no regrets for not giving it a shot. let the chips fall where they may.
editing is going well also. and now wimbledon for 2 weeks, so i'm doing ok.
editing is going well also. and now wimbledon for 2 weeks, so i'm doing ok.
#56
Recovery Journals / Re: Of course it's worth it!
Last post by sanmagic7 - June 30, 2025, 12:15:26 PMprobably, blueberry. that was monstrous of them to do that to you, by the way. i'm so very sorry you had to experience that from them. you didn't deserve it, still don't. i'm hoping for more lovely conversations to come your way. love and hugs 
#57
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Alice a long term survivor of ...
Last post by Madamadness - June 30, 2025, 01:27:57 AMI've been through it. I've learned i need to let go of toxicity. no more ranting and raving instead of getting better. no more finding enablers to justify this. I'm broken and I'm going to put myself back together. but i shouldn't do it alone. I'm here for support not commiseration save your sympathy.
#58
Sexual Abuse / How to Tell Your Therapist You...
Last post by BlueMoon_ - June 29, 2025, 06:03:25 PMI feel really awkward writing this because I'm afraid I'm just making this up, so I might delete this later.
There are behaviours during my childhood that, looking back, concern me, because I'm worried they were signs of being SA'd.
However I don't remember actually being assaulted; the closest thing I recall is only some weird comments by my dad that were innapropriate for a kid in my opinion. For example, 'You have long eyelashes. If you bat those, the boys will do anything for you when you grow up.'
Even if the behaviours didn't happen due to SA, how can I bring them up to my therapist? I'm very shy when it comes to talking about intimacy and I even don't really like to say words like 'sex' around others 😖.
There are behaviours during my childhood that, looking back, concern me, because I'm worried they were signs of being SA'd.
However I don't remember actually being assaulted; the closest thing I recall is only some weird comments by my dad that were innapropriate for a kid in my opinion. For example, 'You have long eyelashes. If you bat those, the boys will do anything for you when you grow up.'
Even if the behaviours didn't happen due to SA, how can I bring them up to my therapist? I'm very shy when it comes to talking about intimacy and I even don't really like to say words like 'sex' around others 😖.
#59
Sleep Issues / Nightmares That Seem To Hint t...
Last post by BlueMoon_ - June 29, 2025, 05:53:28 PMThis is just a quick vent for me 
I always forget my nightmares after they happen, but lately there is something about them I catch for a second that I can't put my finger on. Like it's a forgotten memory trying to communicate itself to me, but I don't know what it's trying to tell me.
I always forget my nightmares after they happen, but lately there is something about them I catch for a second that I can't put my finger on. Like it's a forgotten memory trying to communicate itself to me, but I don't know what it's trying to tell me.
#60
General Discussion / Re: Fear of men/fear of anger
Last post by Kizzie - June 29, 2025, 04:03:48 PMGood luck, I hope you are able to find some good professional help. 