Recent posts
#31
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD from childhood abuse...
Last post by Chart - December 16, 2025, 01:55:47 PMHello Noraw, welcome to the Forum. I'm happy to make your acquaintance and sorry it is under such difficult circumstances for you.
I'll just quickly add my two cents. Everyone has given great information. I'll just mention two other major subjects you will also eventually want to look at and possibly explore. Very simply, body work, known also as Somatic therapy. Peter Levine is the big pioneer of this one though many many others have followed up on and developed his core themes.
I personally am deep into Polyvagal Theory and working with my Vagus nerve on a daily basis. Irene Lyon is very interesting (for me) in this branch of therapy.
Finally, Attachment Theory can also be very helpful when trying to unravel what is "happening now" in relation to "what happened then". I might be wrong, but I believe nearly 100% of trauma experiences touch either principally or in some significant way the attachment process we all experience as babies/children/adolescents.
Sending hugs (if that's ok) and support, chart
I'll just quickly add my two cents. Everyone has given great information. I'll just mention two other major subjects you will also eventually want to look at and possibly explore. Very simply, body work, known also as Somatic therapy. Peter Levine is the big pioneer of this one though many many others have followed up on and developed his core themes.
I personally am deep into Polyvagal Theory and working with my Vagus nerve on a daily basis. Irene Lyon is very interesting (for me) in this branch of therapy.
Finally, Attachment Theory can also be very helpful when trying to unravel what is "happening now" in relation to "what happened then". I might be wrong, but I believe nearly 100% of trauma experiences touch either principally or in some significant way the attachment process we all experience as babies/children/adolescents.
Sending hugs (if that's ok) and support, chart
#32
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here
Last post by Abitbroken - December 16, 2025, 01:42:20 PMQuote from: Blueberry on December 15, 2025, 10:06:50 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on December 13, 2025, 01:26:41 PMPete Walker's book "Complex CPTSD: from surviving to thriving"
I agree on this, but just to let you know Abitbroken that you can check Pete Walker's website because some of the book is there. In case you want to read around a bit before buying. You can also search his name here on our website, you'll find discussion.
Here's a thread discussing Pete Walker and emotional flashbacks, also often abbreviated on the forum to EF: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=2589.msg16300#msg16300 PLus other threads on EFs, Sticky-ied at the top: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=57.0
Thank you Blueberry - this is very helpful. I will definitely have a look and check the links out - thank you for taking the time to link this for me.
There is a lot to figure out - and it is mind boggling to me, in how I seem to relate to almost everything I have read so far, and realising that not everyone else feels and thinks this way - It has blown my mind talking to people I know that they don't feel emotions physically primarily and are able to just have a thought or a feeling and give it a label. I had absolutely no idea until this week, so it's shocked me a bit that I have wrongly assumed everyone felt the same for the past 46 years! Not realising that not everyone feels nothing or overwhelmed, not everyone has a conscience which beats them to a pulp internally... Nope
Lots to think about (well, lots MORE to loop round and round on!) Thank you for your advice - it is very much appreciated
#33
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Little2Nothing - December 16, 2025, 12:00:49 PMHope, thank you for the encouragement.
Chart, I'm looking forward to your comments
Chart, I'm looking forward to your comments
#34
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Chart - December 16, 2025, 11:48:37 AM #35
Sexual Abuse / Re: Self-abandonment since CSA
Last post by dollyvee - December 16, 2025, 09:26:55 AMI'm sorry DD. I think that you did the best for yourself that you knew how to do at the time and it helped you to survive. I'm sorry as well that your parents put you in that situation, that's a horrible betrayal and I can understand fighting for the need to exist. It's also something I struggle with.
I have been listening to some Heidi Priebe videos lately and she talks about how to not be manipulated by looking at the ego version/idea of ourselves that we need to survive. For me, it's so hard to shake the idea that I have to be a nice person. Like it just throws my world off if I do not adhere to this, and healthy selfishness is something I'm working on. But I get how something so normal for others can be so outside my sphere of relating.
Sending you support and a hug if that's ok
dolly
I have been listening to some Heidi Priebe videos lately and she talks about how to not be manipulated by looking at the ego version/idea of ourselves that we need to survive. For me, it's so hard to shake the idea that I have to be a nice person. Like it just throws my world off if I do not adhere to this, and healthy selfishness is something I'm working on. But I get how something so normal for others can be so outside my sphere of relating.
Sending you support and a hug if that's ok
dolly
#36
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD from childhood abuse...
Last post by dollyvee - December 16, 2025, 09:17:56 AMHi noraw,
I think you did a very good job of finding the right words for what is happening with you.
I had an EMDR therapist and have also used IFS. The EMDR therapist wanted to do deep brain reprogramming and I felt a lot of resistance to that as it would be "rewiring" underlying perverbal parts that I didn't feel I had contact with at that time. I came from an NPD household and my sense of self dissociated/detached from a very young age I think. Jay Reid's videos of growing up as a scapegoat in a narcissistic household have helped me understand how and why this happens, and I can interpret how it relates to me.
I also started seeing a NARM therapist who I think has been very helpful in helping uncover that sense of self to a degree, though issues have come up as well. We are going into the space around the fear of connection, or I find I can now start to understand and stay with the fear/anxiety that comes with connection a bit better. I would say that I probably have dissociated or hidden parts (not DID), and feel in a better space overall to have these start "coming up."
I'm not sure if your therapist mentioned it, but there is a good book on IFS and dissociation by Joanne Twombly.
I've also been uncovering and dealing with underlying health issues that have also helped facilitate this (less anxiety, more calmness).
Sending you support and I hope you find what you need here.
dolly
I think you did a very good job of finding the right words for what is happening with you.
I had an EMDR therapist and have also used IFS. The EMDR therapist wanted to do deep brain reprogramming and I felt a lot of resistance to that as it would be "rewiring" underlying perverbal parts that I didn't feel I had contact with at that time. I came from an NPD household and my sense of self dissociated/detached from a very young age I think. Jay Reid's videos of growing up as a scapegoat in a narcissistic household have helped me understand how and why this happens, and I can interpret how it relates to me.
I also started seeing a NARM therapist who I think has been very helpful in helping uncover that sense of self to a degree, though issues have come up as well. We are going into the space around the fear of connection, or I find I can now start to understand and stay with the fear/anxiety that comes with connection a bit better. I would say that I probably have dissociated or hidden parts (not DID), and feel in a better space overall to have these start "coming up."
I'm not sure if your therapist mentioned it, but there is a good book on IFS and dissociation by Joanne Twombly.
I've also been uncovering and dealing with underlying health issues that have also helped facilitate this (less anxiety, more calmness).
Sending you support and I hope you find what you need here.
dolly
#37
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Chart - December 16, 2025, 08:58:42 AMThank you so much for sharing that, Little2. It touched me very deeply. I have much I wish to say but no time right now. I hope to respond tonight. In the meantime I send love and support.
#38
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Marcine - December 16, 2025, 02:38:25 AMWell, the task of defining success on my own terms is harder than I initially imagined, and I had already figured it would be tough...
I'm not giving up... even though it sure seems like I was safer making myself as tiny and as frozen as possible where I was plunked in the minefield.
Now I'm choosing to actually get out of the minefield, which means moving and risking and admitting out loud that I want to get out of the dangerous unexploded ordnance zone... that I never deserved to be there to begin with... and that even in the face of danger I want freedom...
Step by step, breath by breath, there's a safe path through here somewhere. I can find it. I can. Yes? Yes.
I'm not giving up... even though it sure seems like I was safer making myself as tiny and as frozen as possible where I was plunked in the minefield.
Now I'm choosing to actually get out of the minefield, which means moving and risking and admitting out loud that I want to get out of the dangerous unexploded ordnance zone... that I never deserved to be there to begin with... and that even in the face of danger I want freedom...
Step by step, breath by breath, there's a safe path through here somewhere. I can find it. I can. Yes? Yes.
#39
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD from childhood abuse...
Last post by Blueberry - December 15, 2025, 11:37:23 PMQuote from: Kizzie on December 15, 2025, 05:45:23 PMRelational therapy is a psychotherapy approach focusing on how relationships, both past and present, deeply influence emotional well-being, aiming to build healthier, more satisfying connections by exploring relational patterns, fostering vulnerability, and using the therapeutic relationship itself as a tool for healing wounds and developing trust, boundaries, and deeper self-understanding. It's helpful for anxiety, insecurity, trauma, or relationship distress, teaching individuals to recognize unhealthy patterns and form more fulfilling bonds with themselves and others.
I would add to that - try and make sure you get a trauma-informed or better yet trauma-trained therapist in relational therapy! I've been in a lot of relational therapy and when therapists were not trauma-trained especially like 20 years ago, they and I would invariably get stuck at some point and some would blame me for "not wanting to get better" or say I was "therapy resistant". Neither were true, it's just that my case was too complex, too difficult for them.
I do a lot of imagination work and inner child work. Basically, my best therapists have tried out various approaches and then mixed-and-matched with me, so don't necessarily stick with one type all the time. Or they can improvise and adapt if necessary. Or sometimes a type of therapy can help for a while and then I need something else. For a long time, EFT (emotional freedom tapping) was very helpful. My trauma T of the time learnt it for me, practised it with me till I could do it on my own.
On the forum, I find these kinds of threads useful https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=49.0 choose any that appeal to you from the sticky-ied topics. If none appeal, ignore.
I've been very much helped by this forum. I write a lot and read a lot, it's a safe space for me. I get a lot of validation here, especially when I'm struggling and not noticing that I'm moving forwards or not noticing I do need a break.
Freeze is one of my big reactions too. If you dissociate a lot, you might be on the OSDD-DID spectrum, i.e. have some form of dissociative disorder, which a number of us on here have. See https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15563.msg136240#msg136240 or https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16874.msg154836#msg154836 (here Janina Fisher's book about Healing Fragmented Selves is mentioned, a number of people on here have been helped with that and one day I may get round to it too) and https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16374.0 - a general discussion thread of OSDD etc. If I've linked too many threads, and it's overwhelming, just ignore! It's not always the right time for any particular information.
And of course, welcome to the forum noraw
