Recent posts
#21
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by Blueberry - September 12, 2025, 08:03:04 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on September 12, 2025, 01:17:54 PMTeenage NK was very much around, since we were discussing her, and she flat out told T she is angry at being asked to suggest the right answers because that just adds more plates for her to spin. This is no doubt progress in terms of expressing vulnerability, but it felt very uncomfortable. To say the least.
I hear you. I have found in the past that sometimes just waiting a bit will bring about a change. So something may evolve a little in/with/for a Part and then things will feel less uncomfortable.
Recently with various Parts I've also found they either needed me to say "i hear you" or to acknowledge the feelings they'd been holding. Probably you know that all already, NK.
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by NarcKiddo - September 12, 2025, 06:09:43 PMI'm glad you got your allotment and super happy to read that you have been able to get done what you needed to. Of course it would have been lovely if all the stars had aligned and you had found yourself really feeling the therapeutic value of what you have done while you were doing it. It's good that you are journaling how you feel about it and seeing all the good and the progress you have made. I really dislike doing anything related to gardening, personally, but I find slow, repetitive movements very therapeutic so I can see how your allotment could be really grounding (if you will please pardon the pun, which was not intentional!).
I also think that if one must have a CPTSD reaction, in this particular circumstance fawning is probably the best one to have. Since a big part of the allotment project is for the social aspect, CPTSD reactions such as fight or flight would be a lot less helpful to that goal.
This really does look like a win.
I also think that if one must have a CPTSD reaction, in this particular circumstance fawning is probably the best one to have. Since a big part of the allotment project is for the social aspect, CPTSD reactions such as fight or flight would be a lot less helpful to that goal.
This really does look like a win.
#23
Anxiety / Re: Fear of speaking up
Last post by Yael - September 12, 2025, 05:59:57 PMThanks both. I spoke up again today. Foster care seems to believe me. She seems to understand the situation is much different than it seems. But she says they will not do anything.
Dad worked hard to get everyhing in order for the outside world, get the family on his side, kid has food and clothes, kid is not beaten...and kid himself gives no signals anymore...so they will not do anything.
I am in search of a specialised lawyer, but they are fully booked. I will indeed look for a specialised social worker.
Dad worked hard to get everyhing in order for the outside world, get the family on his side, kid has food and clothes, kid is not beaten...and kid himself gives no signals anymore...so they will not do anything.
I am in search of a specialised lawyer, but they are fully booked. I will indeed look for a specialised social worker.
#24
Anxiety / Re: Fear of speaking up
Last post by Kizzie - September 12, 2025, 04:30:19 PMIt certainly sounds like you have been and are being gaslighted by your family but the positive is is that you know it. And you know that others who try and shut you down are doing the same, trying to make you believe it's you.
I suspect not all family lawyers would tell you to keep silent and I wonder if you keep looking for one that will be your advocate that might be the best path to take. There are often lawyers who will do this pro bono. You have legal rights and should have expectations of fair treatment from the system in place to serve you.
I guess it comes down to staying silent and being stuck, or not staying silent and trying to get the law on side to advise, guide and advocate for you. I also had a thought that having a family therapist or private social worker who knows the system might also help as they could also guide, support, and help you advocate for yourself, might be an avenue to explore.
It's not easy having CPTSD I know, especially when we feel alone or are alone with it. There are good people/professionals out there who will help, it's just a matter of finding them. It can be a challenge ut that is what we (survivors) need to do sometimes to move into a better life.
I suspect not all family lawyers would tell you to keep silent and I wonder if you keep looking for one that will be your advocate that might be the best path to take. There are often lawyers who will do this pro bono. You have legal rights and should have expectations of fair treatment from the system in place to serve you.
I guess it comes down to staying silent and being stuck, or not staying silent and trying to get the law on side to advise, guide and advocate for you. I also had a thought that having a family therapist or private social worker who knows the system might also help as they could also guide, support, and help you advocate for yourself, might be an avenue to explore.
It's not easy having CPTSD I know, especially when we feel alone or are alone with it. There are good people/professionals out there who will help, it's just a matter of finding them. It can be a challenge ut that is what we (survivors) need to do sometimes to move into a better life.
#25
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by NarcKiddo - September 12, 2025, 04:24:02 PMWell done for getting to and through the examination. I'm glad the result was good. And well done for taking the day off work you so clearly needed.
#26
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: The style I present is not...
Last post by Kizzie - September 12, 2025, 04:14:52 PM
#27
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 12, 2025, 01:51:01 PMthanks, chart, for your perspective. i do get the whole idea of 'my T is getting as much from this as i am' train of thought. i felt like that with my last T - she learned a lot from working w/ me. as you said, even so, she gave me a sense of stability which i sorely needed, and the idea that someone had my back. but, she did learn, and was extremely helpful to me in the end. so, best to you with yours. 
DF, thank you for being here for me. and, yeah, i agree. the stress is wearing. except for maybe immediately after a nap, i'm pretty much tired all the time. of course, getting proper and consistent sleep would probably help a lot with that! as i said to chart, i had to educate my last T on a lot of aspects of myself, my 'self', and how i function. in all my years of therapy, i have yet to find someone who 'gets it'. but we keep doing what we can, right?
thanks, NK. i hope so, too. my D told me that when my medicaid comes thru, i just call them to find out about T's who are in their system, and i can't do that until next month, so everything's on hold right now. but, we'll see!
just tired today. we're gonna have our 'second summer' for the next 5 days, so it's gonna be warm again. not looking forward to that, but i don't think it'll be as hot as during the regular summer. hope not anyway. plus, it won't last long.
my D is having to go thru these tests for narcolepsy, which is what we want to be wrong, and not just sleep apnea. so, stressful again. i feel so bad for her that she has to keep going thru this bull pucky. it's just not letting her alone! so, we're hoping for narcolepsy, which seems weird, but it might be what she needs to get some financial help from the feds. that would be so great! here's hopin'!
DF, thank you for being here for me. and, yeah, i agree. the stress is wearing. except for maybe immediately after a nap, i'm pretty much tired all the time. of course, getting proper and consistent sleep would probably help a lot with that! as i said to chart, i had to educate my last T on a lot of aspects of myself, my 'self', and how i function. in all my years of therapy, i have yet to find someone who 'gets it'. but we keep doing what we can, right?
thanks, NK. i hope so, too. my D told me that when my medicaid comes thru, i just call them to find out about T's who are in their system, and i can't do that until next month, so everything's on hold right now. but, we'll see!
just tired today. we're gonna have our 'second summer' for the next 5 days, so it's gonna be warm again. not looking forward to that, but i don't think it'll be as hot as during the regular summer. hope not anyway. plus, it won't last long.
my D is having to go thru these tests for narcolepsy, which is what we want to be wrong, and not just sleep apnea. so, stressful again. i feel so bad for her that she has to keep going thru this bull pucky. it's just not letting her alone! so, we're hoping for narcolepsy, which seems weird, but it might be what she needs to get some financial help from the feds. that would be so great! here's hopin'!
#28
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 12, 2025, 01:33:40 PMi can only imagine how uncomfortable that might've felt, NK, but honestly, what a lot of good, hard work you have done! the fact that you allowed yourself to go deeper into all this is a sign, to me, that you are trusting yourself more than in the past to be able to manage whatever comes up, including younger NK's. and i agree - teen NK had to keep those plates spinning when it wasn't their job, and now adult NK wants to take over but teen NK is balking at that. maybe a trust issue? just a thought.
keep going! i think you're doing a great job. love and hugs
keep going! i think you're doing a great job. love and hugs
#29
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 12, 2025, 01:26:17 PMwell done, SO!!! way to push thru! i do believe the time will come when you can appreciate all you accomplished with this, the planning, the doing, the pushing through, the readiness for new growth. i find it exciting for you. you deserve to rest after all that. love and hugs
#30
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by sanmagic7 - September 12, 2025, 01:20:32 PMditto 
well done you, DF! and so happy the results were good. love and hugs
well done you, DF! and so happy the results were good. love and hugs