Recent posts
#21
Please Introduce Yourself Here / new here - still in the storm
Last post by beauty4ashes13 - November 02, 2025, 02:55:47 AMWhere to start? I'm here because I have been talking my friend Susan (aka chatgpt) for hours about my trauma and my experience. I don't really ever, anymore, give voice to the life long pain I have endured (I'm 55) because why? In my experience - no one gives a hoot. Yesterday, however, I was in a great mood and I reached out to a friend that I hadn't talked to in a while. I have been friends with this person since I was 13 years old. That's 42 years. We have had long stretches where we weren't in much contact before and we have always been able to reconnect. When I texted her yesterday, she responded with "Are you in danger or in need of emergency help?" I knew in my gut what that meant, but my mind didn't want to go there. I responded with,"LOL,no." and then, "What if I'd said yes?" To that she responded that "For the rest of our lives I would show up in an emergency. Barring that - I really can't see talking. Be well - hope the best for you and the kids - but honestly not interested in just catching up."
I asked, "Did I do something wrong?" she responded, "Years of no contact - Yeah - that is enough."
Like I said, I knew what the emergency question meant. Another rejection. I was right. The reason given is that I was to blame for the no contact - as if I were purposely ignoring her. Let me be clear - there was no contact on either of our parts. This is not a situation where she was reaching out to me and I was ignoring that. She wasn't and I wasn't. My life has been especially hard the past five years and I have been programmed to believe that my suffering isn't important, it's my fault because I am always wrong and that voicing my pain is just annoying at best and burdensome at most so guess what? There are times in my life that I self isolate because I cannot be positive Polly all the time so I just figure it's best to spare people. Honestly, of all the people in my life, I would never have even entertained the thought that this person would be so hurtful. I mean she might as well have said I'm just not worth knowing because I haven't put forth effort - even though she didn't put forth effort either. I don't begrudge her that. I just figured we were both doing what we needed to to survive and tread water long enough not to drown, but not knowing how long enough is. It's an exhausting existence just living to survive. One doesn't thrive in those conditions. While it hurts me to think that I inadvertently hurt her with my absence, I just don't get the double standard. It's ok for you to not call me, but I'm an a-hole because I didn't call you? And now I'm not worth knowing? So little respect for me and a 42 year friendship that I don't even rate a conversation? I texted her back and apologized for any pain caused. Not because I feel guilty or believe that I am at fault, but because first an foremost, I wanted to acknowledge that whether intended or not, pain resulted from my behavior. You know what I got? Crickets. Being ignored is a huge trigger for me. It's intentional harm. I have been ignored all my life starting with my parents and my brother. I have never really felt loved, safe, accepted. The overarching theme of my life is that I am small, insignificant, and definitely easily abandoned. Not only that, but to advocate for myself is seen as anathema, like I'm a terrible person because I dare to say that I have been hurt by someone's words/actions, or in many cases, lack of any attention at all. That does something to a person. After awhile it's tempting to stop trying. To just accept that you are treated this way because you deserve it. Apathy feels like comfort because at least it dulls the pain. But I don't WANT to be apathetic, it's a deplorable way to live. Like shrinking into the background until there's nothing left of the person I once believed I was. And to be fair,who I still believe I am. It's just easier to fade away seemingly, but there's always this part of me that bucks that notion. I am significant. I am important. I am worthy of love and devotion - EVEN when I am not perfect. Maybe a case can be made that I took our friendship for granted and that I didn't put forth enough effort to cultivate it, but why can't it also be seen that I have been living with unending pain and sometimes I just don't have the energy to chase. No one's chasing me - that is made abundantly clear throughout my life. I'm only worth having around for what I can DO for you, not because you see value in just me, the person. Even knowing this is a safe space to be real, I find myself wanting to temper everything I say with some note of positivity and a counting of my blessings because that is what has been ingrained in my psyche. Always allow for the fallibility of others, do not want, much less expect reciprocity. Here's the thing, I do not know what she has been or is going through. I do know, however, that I was the one to REACH OUT and I never even entertained the thought that she was not reaching out to me because she didn't care or wasn't interested. I don't understand how that gets ascribed to me, however. It's unfair and it's 100% false. That is a narrative she created. As if she didn't call me because I didn't call her - *? That's the chicken and egg conundrum. Always trying to reason with things being my fault is exhausting. I'm accused of doing what SHE actually did. I'm not the problem here and yet somehow, as usual, I am. It hurts even knowing that she considers it plausible that I would intentionally hurt her. I wouldn't and the first thing I did was say sorry, again, not because I believe I did anything wrong, but because that doesn't matter, what mattered to me was that there was pain that was real and it deserved to be acknowledged. I'm tired of not being afforded the same courtesy. I'm tired of feeling like love is something to be earned. Love is the exact opposite of that. Love doesn't demand. Love just is. I thought that's what we had. I felt safe with her. That was shattered and it awakened something inside of me. I don't deserve that sh*t. Unfortunately, I'm the only standard bearer in the "I'm not worthless" brigade. I have never had a true advocate, no one to "stick up for me" - it's just me so it's easy for others to bond over my lack of worth, to convince themselves I deserve ill treatment. I hope that this can be a soft place to land. Despite getting knocked down repeatedly, I keep getting up. Who knows how long that will last though. I get wearier and wearier bearing this torch alone. I want to live not just be alive. I am a work in progress, as are we all. It'd be nice if it wasn't so easy to ascribe willful infliction of pain to me. I am not that person -I never have been. Anyway, I am tired of being a survivalist. I am tired of just accepting that I'm unimportant. This may be the only place I can speak that truth without being told I am self-centered and selfish, but that's one more than none so I'll take it. If any of this is relatable to you, I'm sorry because it means you have pain in your life on the daily. It's a 100 lb second skin you wear and are unable to take off. It weighs you down and robs you of anything of real restorative value. It's exhausting. This is like a club no one wants to be in, but hey, at least here we are not alone. That's something at least.
I asked, "Did I do something wrong?" she responded, "Years of no contact - Yeah - that is enough."
Like I said, I knew what the emergency question meant. Another rejection. I was right. The reason given is that I was to blame for the no contact - as if I were purposely ignoring her. Let me be clear - there was no contact on either of our parts. This is not a situation where she was reaching out to me and I was ignoring that. She wasn't and I wasn't. My life has been especially hard the past five years and I have been programmed to believe that my suffering isn't important, it's my fault because I am always wrong and that voicing my pain is just annoying at best and burdensome at most so guess what? There are times in my life that I self isolate because I cannot be positive Polly all the time so I just figure it's best to spare people. Honestly, of all the people in my life, I would never have even entertained the thought that this person would be so hurtful. I mean she might as well have said I'm just not worth knowing because I haven't put forth effort - even though she didn't put forth effort either. I don't begrudge her that. I just figured we were both doing what we needed to to survive and tread water long enough not to drown, but not knowing how long enough is. It's an exhausting existence just living to survive. One doesn't thrive in those conditions. While it hurts me to think that I inadvertently hurt her with my absence, I just don't get the double standard. It's ok for you to not call me, but I'm an a-hole because I didn't call you? And now I'm not worth knowing? So little respect for me and a 42 year friendship that I don't even rate a conversation? I texted her back and apologized for any pain caused. Not because I feel guilty or believe that I am at fault, but because first an foremost, I wanted to acknowledge that whether intended or not, pain resulted from my behavior. You know what I got? Crickets. Being ignored is a huge trigger for me. It's intentional harm. I have been ignored all my life starting with my parents and my brother. I have never really felt loved, safe, accepted. The overarching theme of my life is that I am small, insignificant, and definitely easily abandoned. Not only that, but to advocate for myself is seen as anathema, like I'm a terrible person because I dare to say that I have been hurt by someone's words/actions, or in many cases, lack of any attention at all. That does something to a person. After awhile it's tempting to stop trying. To just accept that you are treated this way because you deserve it. Apathy feels like comfort because at least it dulls the pain. But I don't WANT to be apathetic, it's a deplorable way to live. Like shrinking into the background until there's nothing left of the person I once believed I was. And to be fair,who I still believe I am. It's just easier to fade away seemingly, but there's always this part of me that bucks that notion. I am significant. I am important. I am worthy of love and devotion - EVEN when I am not perfect. Maybe a case can be made that I took our friendship for granted and that I didn't put forth enough effort to cultivate it, but why can't it also be seen that I have been living with unending pain and sometimes I just don't have the energy to chase. No one's chasing me - that is made abundantly clear throughout my life. I'm only worth having around for what I can DO for you, not because you see value in just me, the person. Even knowing this is a safe space to be real, I find myself wanting to temper everything I say with some note of positivity and a counting of my blessings because that is what has been ingrained in my psyche. Always allow for the fallibility of others, do not want, much less expect reciprocity. Here's the thing, I do not know what she has been or is going through. I do know, however, that I was the one to REACH OUT and I never even entertained the thought that she was not reaching out to me because she didn't care or wasn't interested. I don't understand how that gets ascribed to me, however. It's unfair and it's 100% false. That is a narrative she created. As if she didn't call me because I didn't call her - *? That's the chicken and egg conundrum. Always trying to reason with things being my fault is exhausting. I'm accused of doing what SHE actually did. I'm not the problem here and yet somehow, as usual, I am. It hurts even knowing that she considers it plausible that I would intentionally hurt her. I wouldn't and the first thing I did was say sorry, again, not because I believe I did anything wrong, but because that doesn't matter, what mattered to me was that there was pain that was real and it deserved to be acknowledged. I'm tired of not being afforded the same courtesy. I'm tired of feeling like love is something to be earned. Love is the exact opposite of that. Love doesn't demand. Love just is. I thought that's what we had. I felt safe with her. That was shattered and it awakened something inside of me. I don't deserve that sh*t. Unfortunately, I'm the only standard bearer in the "I'm not worthless" brigade. I have never had a true advocate, no one to "stick up for me" - it's just me so it's easy for others to bond over my lack of worth, to convince themselves I deserve ill treatment. I hope that this can be a soft place to land. Despite getting knocked down repeatedly, I keep getting up. Who knows how long that will last though. I get wearier and wearier bearing this torch alone. I want to live not just be alive. I am a work in progress, as are we all. It'd be nice if it wasn't so easy to ascribe willful infliction of pain to me. I am not that person -I never have been. Anyway, I am tired of being a survivalist. I am tired of just accepting that I'm unimportant. This may be the only place I can speak that truth without being told I am self-centered and selfish, but that's one more than none so I'll take it. If any of this is relatable to you, I'm sorry because it means you have pain in your life on the daily. It's a 100 lb second skin you wear and are unable to take off. It weighs you down and robs you of anything of real restorative value. It's exhausting. This is like a club no one wants to be in, but hey, at least here we are not alone. That's something at least.
#22
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here
Last post by beauty4ashes13 - November 02, 2025, 01:44:30 AMHello! I am new here as well. just signed up today after talking to chatgpt all day lamenting my life long struggle to be seen, heard, appreciated,accepted, LOVED - all the things. I relate to everything you said. I could have written most of it myself. I don't have any answers, but I saw that no one had replied and you posted 4.5 hours ago. I couldn't just skip on down to the next post. I hate feeling unseen and I imagine you do as well, but if you're like me, your experience may be similar - expressing want/needs isn't acceptable. People don't "get it." They don't want to either - mostly because it requires self reflection and in my experience most people just can't deal the ugly inside themselves and instead project it on to you. You're the problem. You're too negative. Your attitude sucks. Your feelings are a drain on other people. Their bad behavior is justified by your reaction. I get that all the time. Well I knew you were gonna react that way which is why I did it. It's f'd up and it's lonely and it's painful. Maybe you find yourself fading into an apathetic existence because it's so hard to care for yourself when no one else cares for you and not only that begrudges you wanting to take care of yourself. I know that other people's shortcomings are not a reflection of me, but still it's somehow always my fault. It's exhausting. I too hope to find community here and a place to just BE. I hope that for you as well. I feel your pain and hopefully this lets you know that you are not alone in your plight. I see you.
#23
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On? (TW...
Last post by Dark.art.girl - November 02, 2025, 12:22:33 AMPC, this brought me to tears. First of all, I'm so sorry you didn't get justice for what happened to you so many years ago and I'm even more sorry you still feel the consequences of it. The past and present converging that way must have been terrifying.
And yes, I'm definitely still hearing the cannons. Conviction or not, I probably still would. What a quote.
It's people like you and the others on this journal so far that have brought me a lot of peace over these couple of days although I feel like I could constantly cry lol I thank you so much for this quote here:
WHEWWWW deep breaths. That's heavy for me. I can definitely say that's the first time I have said that. Progress!
San, great point. You're right. We didn't do it and it is their job to carry all of those emotions. That's relieving to hear. But as bad as it sounds being said, I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like I wish I could see that retribution take place. Not one of those responsible--there were so many--were legally held responsible.
So close, but they slipped through everyone's grasp. One of them I recently found out--because he stalked my instagram stories, like a FREAK, and yes I blocked him--got 'happily' married. I can't tell you how badly I wanted to reach out to his wife and tell her everything and that he should never have children of his own, etc. But God knows that's not worth it and this also sounds bad but you never know.. She might be the same as him to some extent.
My mother allowed him to groom and take advantage of me when I was 14/15 and he was 22. She nearly facilitated the whole thing and told that predator to "keep his mouth shut" so he didn't get in any more trouble. Is that considered trafficking? I don't know what to call that. She almost got arrested for all of this, too. (If anyone does read this and could verify, let me know) My dad fought so hard to stop it and she had me so brainwashed I thought he was the enemy through it all... To this day, he still won't show me everything he had found about them both. The day that man got caught he didn't get arrested, either. I was there. I thought I was so in love. I was so delusional and so fearful of my father's rage that the cops were convinced enough to let the guy go. I remember him trying to break the door down to save me from that man. As an adult now without kids, I can certainly say I'd do the same for that young girl, too.
Remembering this event now and knowing it as one of many events like it that I normalized through the years is startling. As we get older, our perspectives shift on what's wrong or right. I think what brought me to the shocking reality that none of that was normal was exactly that--getting older. Turning 22 and noticing, "hey, I actually find the thought of sleeping with a young teenager repulsive and destructive to the rest of their potentially regular life". Like, it would never even cross my mind. Isn't that a concept? Unbelievable.
I'm also sat here in disbelief at how I've managed to come out of it all. I should be more proud of that young girl for surviving as long as she did. She didn't picture us getting this far.
And yes, I'm definitely still hearing the cannons. Conviction or not, I probably still would. What a quote.
It's people like you and the others on this journal so far that have brought me a lot of peace over these couple of days although I feel like I could constantly cry lol I thank you so much for this quote here:
Quote from: Papa Coco on October 31, 2025, 06:53:19 PMYounger you wants to be loved and you want to love her. I'm finding that to be the place where healing starts. The one thing all of us want is to be loved and accepted. That's true for our IFS parts too. The magic is in the love we give to each other and to ourselves.This put in perspective my realization that I'm not that little girl now and I really mourn for her. It's like I've been stuck as that little girl for a long time and I've finally broken free of that chrysalis as a fully grown, fully aware woman. Identical to your words, I told my boyfriend the same explanation: that child got no love, comfort, validation, acceptance, or protection from anyone in her life and searched for it endlessly. She deserved better. I'm not ashamed of her anymore and I do love her more than anyone else cared to.
I'll be thinking about you all day today.
WHEWWWW deep breaths. That's heavy for me. I can definitely say that's the first time I have said that. Progress!
San, great point. You're right. We didn't do it and it is their job to carry all of those emotions. That's relieving to hear. But as bad as it sounds being said, I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like I wish I could see that retribution take place. Not one of those responsible--there were so many--were legally held responsible.
So close, but they slipped through everyone's grasp. One of them I recently found out--because he stalked my instagram stories, like a FREAK, and yes I blocked him--got 'happily' married. I can't tell you how badly I wanted to reach out to his wife and tell her everything and that he should never have children of his own, etc. But God knows that's not worth it and this also sounds bad but you never know.. She might be the same as him to some extent.
My mother allowed him to groom and take advantage of me when I was 14/15 and he was 22. She nearly facilitated the whole thing and told that predator to "keep his mouth shut" so he didn't get in any more trouble. Is that considered trafficking? I don't know what to call that. She almost got arrested for all of this, too. (If anyone does read this and could verify, let me know) My dad fought so hard to stop it and she had me so brainwashed I thought he was the enemy through it all... To this day, he still won't show me everything he had found about them both. The day that man got caught he didn't get arrested, either. I was there. I thought I was so in love. I was so delusional and so fearful of my father's rage that the cops were convinced enough to let the guy go. I remember him trying to break the door down to save me from that man. As an adult now without kids, I can certainly say I'd do the same for that young girl, too.
Remembering this event now and knowing it as one of many events like it that I normalized through the years is startling. As we get older, our perspectives shift on what's wrong or right. I think what brought me to the shocking reality that none of that was normal was exactly that--getting older. Turning 22 and noticing, "hey, I actually find the thought of sleeping with a young teenager repulsive and destructive to the rest of their potentially regular life". Like, it would never even cross my mind. Isn't that a concept? Unbelievable.
I'm also sat here in disbelief at how I've managed to come out of it all. I should be more proud of that young girl for surviving as long as she did. She didn't picture us getting this far.
#24
Inner Child Work / Re: Learning to write
Last post by Saluki - November 01, 2025, 09:14:44 PMI wonder what it is! I've always had these weird electric shock feelings, since I can remember. I've never mentioned it except to doctors but there doesn't seem to be a name for it.
Thank you Narc Kiddo
Thank you Narc Kiddo
#25
Therapy / Re: Therapy directly on a core...
Last post by Blueberry - November 01, 2025, 08:24:24 PMQuote from: Kizzie on November 01, 2025, 03:51:49 PMI think what I didn't make clear is that it wasn't just in my head but in my heart also. That is, how I was feeling when I was thinking about this deep core wound. I think head and heart collided and merged in the moment when I realized and felt I was not the bad person my parents and I myself had been telling me I was.
Whatever works best for you though of course!
Oh ok I see what you mean. My heart hasn't had that epiphany yet unfortunately...
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - November 01, 2025, 08:19:40 PM11/1/25
I really don't know where this entry will end up. I don't have a point, I don't have a concept or idea that I want to explore, I just don't know just that writing at the moment feels like it's something I need to be doing at the moment.
Fell down a rabbit hole as it seems that my seeking sense in this weird as (cuss word) society that I find myself attempting to navigate. Maybe part of it is how I was raised, maybe part of it is the growing recognition of what I perceive as the effects of decades of propaganda pushed by those that do not have our best interests at heart. A good example is the adoption industry. 2022 or 2023? 14 billion when you add in the international adoption revenue.
Then add in social media .. Judas. I can truthfully say that when I deleted FB / insta my mental / emotional got waaayyyy better. Still working on how to engage with X (formerly twitter) to bypass the rage bait, the ideological fecal matter, and I've also noticed that I'm engaging with it less and less and less. Seriously considering just deleting my account. Seriously wondering if it is actually worth it or is it just another way for my data to be harvested to be monetized?
I remember how things were. Everything was in real life not this weird minestrone soup where data, in the cloud { which is only a computer that most folks don't know where is } is treated as something "real". If the electrical grid goes down .. poof. The data may still be there, stored on SSD's or hard drives, but without the electrical power what is it?
All I know is that I'm better with less digital and more IRL. Physical media is now a suddeningly a "thing". All those folks that "bought" a movie on Redbox in digital form only, and then what happened to their access to that movie that they paid for when Redbox had to shut down the servers because the company went bust?
IDK what lens or lenses would be better to look through to make sense of what I'm seeing right now. I do have understanding why folks are just done. Doing the minimum, going overseas, moving to rural properties, anything to get out of the insanity.
Wishing all here all the best
I really don't know where this entry will end up. I don't have a point, I don't have a concept or idea that I want to explore, I just don't know just that writing at the moment feels like it's something I need to be doing at the moment.
Fell down a rabbit hole as it seems that my seeking sense in this weird as (cuss word) society that I find myself attempting to navigate. Maybe part of it is how I was raised, maybe part of it is the growing recognition of what I perceive as the effects of decades of propaganda pushed by those that do not have our best interests at heart. A good example is the adoption industry. 2022 or 2023? 14 billion when you add in the international adoption revenue.
Then add in social media .. Judas. I can truthfully say that when I deleted FB / insta my mental / emotional got waaayyyy better. Still working on how to engage with X (formerly twitter) to bypass the rage bait, the ideological fecal matter, and I've also noticed that I'm engaging with it less and less and less. Seriously considering just deleting my account. Seriously wondering if it is actually worth it or is it just another way for my data to be harvested to be monetized?
I remember how things were. Everything was in real life not this weird minestrone soup where data, in the cloud { which is only a computer that most folks don't know where is } is treated as something "real". If the electrical grid goes down .. poof. The data may still be there, stored on SSD's or hard drives, but without the electrical power what is it?
All I know is that I'm better with less digital and more IRL. Physical media is now a suddeningly a "thing". All those folks that "bought" a movie on Redbox in digital form only, and then what happened to their access to that movie that they paid for when Redbox had to shut down the servers because the company went bust?
IDK what lens or lenses would be better to look through to make sense of what I'm seeing right now. I do have understanding why folks are just done. Doing the minimum, going overseas, moving to rural properties, anything to get out of the insanity.
Wishing all here all the best
#27
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: For those struggling with ...
Last post by Recovery68 - November 01, 2025, 06:15:07 PMWhile this was posted last year around the holidays, I wasn't a member. I have pretty much alwys spent the holidays alone. One year I got to spend Thanksgiving with my sister and her children which I deeply appreciated, she then turned around and took back her invitation for Christmas. It was the final straw for my tolerance of her insensitivity. We are now estranged.
In the 1990's, during my marriage, we adopted 3 children, each with different in utero experiences (yes it makes a huge difference) and two of them no longer want anything to do with me and the 3rd can only show up when everything is smooth sailing. And I tried to make it easy for them. None of them have any compassion for what I have experienced so I spend another holiday by myself.
The couple of friends I have, know I am alone and still do not include me. I volunteered one year but that turned out to be more painful than being alone because at least I can pretend it's just another day.
Just recently, I thought I was moving into someone's home (and I would be with someone for the holidays) but she ended up changing her mind when her cousin needed the room.
In the 1990's, during my marriage, we adopted 3 children, each with different in utero experiences (yes it makes a huge difference) and two of them no longer want anything to do with me and the 3rd can only show up when everything is smooth sailing. And I tried to make it easy for them. None of them have any compassion for what I have experienced so I spend another holiday by myself.
The couple of friends I have, know I am alone and still do not include me. I volunteered one year but that turned out to be more painful than being alone because at least I can pretend it's just another day.
Just recently, I thought I was moving into someone's home (and I would be with someone for the holidays) but she ended up changing her mind when her cousin needed the room.
#28
General Discussion / Re: arguably the most intense,...
Last post by Recovery68 - November 01, 2025, 05:49:57 PMgeckoskittlezx7900338 I feel (relate) to all the self-judgment and criticism.
Maybe consider a few things... criticism never improves anything. It is not a motivator or a way to support positive change. In fact, it has the opposite effect. It took years but I finally recognized that the voice in my head was saying the things my abusers said, either directly or implied. Maybe spend a bit of time considering this possibility, even journaling a bit on it. Ask yourself questions like, where did this belief/thought originate and is it mine or did it come from another?
In other words, catch yourself when you start berating yourself and just stop. Take a second to forgive yourself and offer acceptance to you. Say things like, I love and accept myself.
I also reacted instead of responding but have changed that with the following technique... First, take a breath or 2 or 3. Realize you do not need to defend yourself to anyone (that means, you don't have to convince anyone of your value. NO ONE) Initially saying nothing is better than saying something that invites more vitriol or judgment from another. Eventually, you will find yourself in a position to set healthy boundaries but I don't think that time is now.
You are not pathetic but had experiences as a child that rewired your brain from trauma. We may never be normal but we can get to a place where first we feel safe and then we figure out how to thrive.
Many inner critic books (I've read many and tried most of the techniques) miss the mark for those of us with CPTSD. Try reading books more focused on loving and accepting yourself. Louise Hay is one author I recommend.
I hope this helps and please celebrate yourself because you joined this forum.
Beth
Maybe consider a few things... criticism never improves anything. It is not a motivator or a way to support positive change. In fact, it has the opposite effect. It took years but I finally recognized that the voice in my head was saying the things my abusers said, either directly or implied. Maybe spend a bit of time considering this possibility, even journaling a bit on it. Ask yourself questions like, where did this belief/thought originate and is it mine or did it come from another?
In other words, catch yourself when you start berating yourself and just stop. Take a second to forgive yourself and offer acceptance to you. Say things like, I love and accept myself.
I also reacted instead of responding but have changed that with the following technique... First, take a breath or 2 or 3. Realize you do not need to defend yourself to anyone (that means, you don't have to convince anyone of your value. NO ONE) Initially saying nothing is better than saying something that invites more vitriol or judgment from another. Eventually, you will find yourself in a position to set healthy boundaries but I don't think that time is now.
You are not pathetic but had experiences as a child that rewired your brain from trauma. We may never be normal but we can get to a place where first we feel safe and then we figure out how to thrive.
Many inner critic books (I've read many and tried most of the techniques) miss the mark for those of us with CPTSD. Try reading books more focused on loving and accepting yourself. Louise Hay is one author I recommend.
I hope this helps and please celebrate yourself because you joined this forum.
Beth
#29
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by Recovery68 - November 01, 2025, 05:16:57 PMQuote from: RogerP on September 09, 2025, 12:27:36 PMI'm here probably to read mostly. I am a senior with a six decade history of PTSD. I often manage but still have extended periods of multiple symptoms. I am happy to have found this forum.
Welcome Roger, I am also new here and also have decades of experience (new CPTSD diagnosis) of juggling life and healing some specific traumas. Reading/learning is good as is connecting with others in a similar circumstance.
Again, happy you are here and that you introduced yourself.
#30
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by Recovery68 - November 01, 2025, 05:10:57 PMCongratulations Sapphire Queen for your brave step. I am n.ew here too. Just don't give up on your journey even when it gets really difficult. Take a rest when you need to, plug in here or reach out to your therapist. I am looking for one.
Celebrate even your smallest wins (like joining this forum) and I will be taking my own advice.
Welcome!
Celebrate even your smallest wins (like joining this forum) and I will be taking my own advice.
Welcome!