Messages

Thanks for sharing, dark.art.girl. Your thoughts and grief make sense to me. Here is a hug if that's ok 

  thanks notalone

Welcome, fakeplastictrees!  I'm glad you found this forum and I hope this can be a safe and encouraging place for you!

I also want to give credit to God who I believe has clearly opened so many doors and brought healing in unexpected ways for me and my family.

Thanks dollyvee  It sure is a big lesson in caring and advocating for ourselves. We are still on a crazy and long road of dealing with our health issues. We have come a long way though and we can see helpful and good things happening. We have had to push and persevere and work together but we can see positive results.

I thought about just updating my previous thread about upping my antidepressant but I have some additional info to add so I decided to just start a new one instead. I did talk to my primary care provider about a month ago, after having some very scary and debilitating rough days, about increasing my citalopram which has overall been so helpful. We decided to increase it from 20 to 30mg. And that has been immensely helpful for me emotionally. I am handling life so much better. Though, of course, there are still big challenges and lots of healing ahead.

I did notice, though, after about a week of the increase that I was having some odd headaches. They were different from ones I felt before. It's been a numb, tingly, pressure headache and it obviously comes on with stress - pretty easily, and I've had a lot of stress. It was getting to where I felt really fuzzy and exhausted. And I was scheduled to see a nurse at the facility where I just started meeting with a good therapist, but the nurse is really booked and I can't see her right away. So, I went to see my PCP who prescribed my citalopram.

I had done a tiny bit of research ahead of time and found an article about a study done for treating PTSD with citalopram and baclofen, which is a muscle relaxer. And that had showed helpful benefits. I talked to my PCP about that and she said she'd read studies about baclofen and thought that would help me. And it does! It hasn't completely taken away the headaches. But I think overtime and as I work to decrease my stress they will get better. It is definitely worth dealing with some headache issues and continuing the 30mg of citalopram. I feel much safer emotionally and happier this way. One step at a time. And I wanted to share that in case its helpful for anyone else.

Thanks Jazzy! That's a good reminder that we have hopefully had someone who has influenced us in a positive way. I can think of some females who have (and do)   And I want to be a positive influence to others, too.

I'm sorry that you've had to deal with autoimmune stuff, dollyvee, and that the doctors told you it was all in your head. Unfortunately, that seems to be a fairly common response from doctors as my husband and I have seen through his health issues and experinces with various doctors. It adds so much unnecessary stress and confusion when they don't listen to you. I'm glad that you found diets that have helped you a lot. It sounds like you have persevered and figured out what you had and the cause of it and what you needed to do. That takes a lot of hard work. Good job 

Thanks everyone for celebrating with me!  This feels like a significant turning point in my recovery.

I will meet with the therapist weekly, and thankfully I can do it online since we live so far away from the facility where she has her office. For now, I feel more comfortable doing it from my home. So, it works out well.

Thanks, notalone and Bermuda! It is pretty significant to be realizing that at this stage of my journey. There is release in it, and also a feeling that I can move on.

I'm glad it was helpful, notalone. Those points really stood out to me too and helped me process how I experience anxiety. It felt really affirming.

The article also helped me feel more confident at my appointment with my new therapist today while I was explaining why I have anxiety and depression.

Thanks Kizzie  I had some of those facts about the differences between PTSD and CPTSD written down for my first appointment in case I needed them.

Thank you so much for all the support leading up to my therapist appointment. It went really, really well. She seemed to understand everything i was saying and was very supportive. She had helpful questions and seemed to want to go in a helpful, healthy direction.

It was odd (but not all that shocking after all the medical things we have gone through) to find out that she doesn't have any notes on me after all that time with the assessments leading up to our first appointment. But thankfully, with her good questions and discernment and minimal explanation on my part she understood where I was coming from. She seemed to have experience with the type of abuse and neglect I have been suppressed with.

I feel so grateful and encouraged.

This is a helpful article for me about the difference between generalized anxiety and anxiety that is rooted in trauma. It was posted by Deep Blue (thank you!)
https://themighty.com/2018/06/anxiety-from-complex-trauma/?utm_source=engagement_bar&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=story_page.engagement_bar/

I appreciate the insight and it helped me process the anxiety and depression that I feel and affirms that they are rooted in trauma.

I've had vitiligo (an autoimmune skin condition which causes patches of skin to lose color) since I was a preteen. I was pretty aware at the time that it was caused by stress, because I knew I had been extremely stressed and sick and it appeared around that time. When I was sick this particular time, I was not allowed really to be sick or to rest and recover and wasn't taken to the doctor. I also had a loss/grief I wasn't able/allowed to deal with at the time.

I finally went to a doctor for a wellness check up and when they weighed me, I weighed less than I had two years prior. The doctor was concerned. She asked if I'd had any stress. Stress? My whole life was stress. But my answer (with my NP sitting right there) was that I didn't know. My m gave an answer that was true but that of course didn't show any kind of family responsibility or fault for the stress. The doctor didn't seem totally reassured by our non-answers, but what could she do? 

It is only recently that I realized that the vitiligo was a result of stress which was a result of trauma.

The physical part doesn't bother me, in fact it's faded over the years and no one even notices. It's just the realization of the cause that is hitting home for me. It is proof that the somewhat invisible abuse of neglect and emotional abuse was real. It helps me acknowledge it once again.

Thank you, notalone! Me too.