Messages

Welcome home! I'm glad you're out of that environment.

I know the feeling of being overwhelmed as well. I hope you can be gentle with yourself.

Thank you, Bach . I saw elsewhere that you've found vagus nerve exercises helpful, so I'm glad I could add another one to the list. I've just started a new journal, so I'll probably add more there: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15028

The snowdrops will soon start appearing in the garden, so I thought today would be a good day for me to (finally!) start a new journal.

I noticed some progress today.

A friend who doesn't know my background started talking about stuff in the news this week about one adult royal sibling hitting the other. "How dare he speak up! Kids fight! I didn't say anything when my sibling attacked me! All perfectly normal!"

I felt shaky when I heard this because throughout my life, the words "all siblings fight" were used to minimise my abuse and silence me. Previously I'd freeze and be unable to say anything in response. This time, however, I was able to say that it's easy to normalise abnormal behaviour when that's what you grow up with, but it doesn't make it normal or acceptable. My friend acknowledged this, and I was heard.

I still feel a little shaky, but I'm pleased I said what I did.

Thanks, San . Good to be back!

I'm there with you, Not Alone. 

Hope, Blueberry, Rainy and Not Alone - thank you. I appreciate your words and the hugs. Thank you for being there.

While I was away, one of the things I found helpful was an online course on the vagus nerve, meridians and acupressure points. It helped to calm down my jangling nervous system and give me relief.

I thought I'd mention one of the exercises because it usually calms me down within a few seconds, and I don't know if others might find it helpful too. All you do is take the tip of your middle finger, and gently place it in the hollow behind your ear lobe. You do this on both sides at once, so your right finger goes behind your right ear, and the left finger goes behind the left. You don't need to press, just make contact. I usually hold this for a few minutes, and I find it very soothing.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time, Not Alone. Is there anything that can bring you comfort? I have a soft blanket to put round your shoulders if that helps.

I'm here, Larry. I care. I hope you're ok.

I agree with Rainy. You're listening to yourself, and I see calling in sick as an act of self-care.

I hope it goes well with your therapist on Thursday.

I hope some of this year is me radically changing my relationship to work.  Now that I understand I am autistic and live with CPTSD, I believe I can figure out how to better support myself. 

This sounds positive, Rainy. I'm sure that recognising this will make it easier to find the support you need.

Best wishes for the New Year, Blueberry .

I can very much relate to you feeling safer now your computer's in a different location. Where I sit and work has a big impact on me too. Years ago I worked in a big office, and in hindsight I constantly felt unsafe and hypervigilant. I mostly didn't recognise this at the time. I'm glad you now feel safer.