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Oops, I missed the earlier replies .

Thank you, Rainy, for the support and validation.

That's a good point about minimising and gaslighting, San. I can see what you mean. I think the minimising I experienced came from a place of denial and not wanting to know from the other person. Like putting up a blockade. Very isolating. As you say, I know what I know!

I'm sorry you've been dealing with minimising stuff as well, Bach. I hear you, it can be very draining.

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I fel better for writing what I did earlier. I'm not doing anything more about it today, and this is perfectly OK .

It's an approach that works for me, Armee. I'm glad you found it helpful too.

While journeying, I once had a vision of the parts being the crew of a sailing ship, with my Self as the captain. Instead of different parts trying to take control and an air of panic and disarray, my Self was in control.

At the time, the ship was charting a course through a storm. The sky was black, the rain was lashing down, and the sea was choppy. When I think of it now, there's a blue sky and the waters are calm.

The interaction between parts feels different as well. My Self is still captain, but the parts feel better. More self-worth, perhaps, and valued. It might be because more parts have released burdens and taken on different roles. It's good progress, anyway.

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I had a bit of a trigger point yesterday. I have work relating to something I studied at Uni, and it's stirred up a few parts. The lecturer for that subject was an abuser, so they were scared.

The work will probably only take a day, but the associated weight is heavy. Yesterday it felt overwhelming, which is completely understandable.

I've been working with the parts.

• I'm not stupid. I'm finding it hard and having mental blocks because of what happened. There are scared parts who are trying to protect me.
• I hear the parts and I thank them. I'm here for them.
• I understand why it feels overwhelming. Of course it does! I get it.
• It happened in the past. I'm not in that situation now.
• Things are different now. The parts are safe. I've got them.
• He doesn't own the subject.
• Doing something with the subject won't bring him back, or draw attention to me. I'm safe.
• The man was intellectually brilliant, but an abusive groomer. These things are not incompatible.
• He was a manipulative gaslighter. He said things that weren't true to manipulate me.
• He deliberately tried to isolate me. I think he tried to turn people against me, and in part, he succeeded. This is on him.
• He was an infantile, narcissistic misogynist.
• All of the things I've just said about him are objectively valid and true.
• I'm there for my parts. It's OK.
• If the work really doesn't feel right for whatever reason, it's OK. I don't have to do it.
• There are parts who would like to do the work to take ownership.

I've written down a plan of action for tackling the work in little steps that I can check off. This makes it more manageable and approachable for the parts who feel threatened. They're on board with my approach in principle. If it becomes too much for them, I can stop the work and come back to it later, or decide not to do it at all. Either option is OK, and the parts who want to do the work to take ownership have compassion and understand.

I read it, Phoebes. I hear your pain, and I can relate to a lot of what you say. I hope you find journalling here helpful.

I've never been to see a hypnotist, but I find hypnosis tracks helpful. Maybe you could try some and see how you get on?

Paul McKenna made some available for free on his YouTube channel at the start of the pandemic: https://youtube.com/@impaulmckenna. Go to the Videos section and scroll down to about 3 years ago and you should find them.

That makes sense, CrackedIce. I can see that the shaking might be part of you processing and shaking it off.

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I've had a pretty good week. I've been able to get a lot of work done, and things have gone well. I think what helps is I'm more able to let parts contribute. If a part doesn't like an approach I'm taking, I take it on board and modify what I'm doing.

Emotionally, I've felt pretty steady.

I wouldn't have felt great hearing about the change in a meeting. Well done for talking to your supervisor, I think you're doing the right thing.

It sounds like good news that the person who's been a supportive friend will be on your team.

And I echo Armee and San! I'm glad you have support and you're through the worst.

Hugs, Rainy 

Well done, Blueberry, for getting through to them on your terms. 

[Considering the current situation, I'm managing extremely well.]

The other important realisation: Considering the current situation, I'm managing extremely well.

You are! I'm glad you can see that.

I also love the focus on things you are doing for yourself.

 

Just wanted to say I care about you Bach.

I think that would throw me as well, Rainy. As you say, he's finding his way, taking action, and sharing that with you. I'm glad you feel less alone as a result .

Thank you, Not Alone, Armee, Rainy, San and Papa Coco. I appreciate your words, your thoughts, your validation, your cheers and your hugs.

sibling abuse is very different than siblings fighting w/ each other.

This sparked all sorts of thoughts, San. I agree, and yet it's also an area that's murky for me because of all the minimising I've experienced. Phrases like "all siblings fight" (minimising) and "he had a difficult childhood, so you have to make allowances" (which told me I was being unreasonable, I should let him do whatever he wanted to me and not complain). Just thinking about those phrases makes me feel a degree of anger, which is probably healthy.

One reason why I find it so murky is I have a part who took all the minimising on board, and she's not quite ready to let go of it yet. I've found this article helpful (but TW for an image at the top of two kids fighting):https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/toxic-relationships/202002/sibling-bullying-and-abuse-the-hidden-epidemic

I hope the shakiness doesn't last too long, but that was great what you said to your friend.

It went about half an hour after I posted. I read a couple of years or so ago, probably in an article about TRE, that animals shake after they've had a stressful encounter, and the shaking is a way of getting rid of the stress. Humans will often try and stop shaking, which prolongs it, but if you deliberately shake more, it goes away quicker. It works for me, anyway.

Hooray! I'm delighted for you.