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One green tea ☕️

I'm in a rocking chair, listening to the sounds of the ocean.

I'm a bit nervous about starting a journal here, but I wonder if it might help me make sense of things. I've experienced multiple traumas, starting at a very young age. Some things I remember, some things are vague, some things I remember then forget again. I know there's more to remember, and a lot to work through.

=== Possible TW ===

Something new occurred to me today. My half-brother (HB) is older than me, and we have the same father, different mothers. I grew up knowing that HB's mother hated me. I knew that she had a history of violence, and that she'd made threats against me. I'd been warned at an early age how dangerous she was, and that if she saw me, she might attack me. But I now realise that I didn't know what she looked like, as I'd never seen a photo of her. To little me, this meant that everybody was a potential threat. I can see how this could have contributed to hyper-vigilence, as I had to stay alert in case I was attacked.

Cinnamon apple coming up ☕️

Cup of tea, anyone? <fills kettle>

Three Roses, that's beautiful 

I'm so inspired by how far you've come, and it helps to hear from someone who's further along in their recovery. I'm nodding along as I read your Top Ten as there are so many practical things in there that I can learn from. Thank you.

Rainstorm11, your words resonate with me so much. Right there with you

I don't know if this helps, but I was also confused about things my half-sibling did to me. If they'd happened to someone else, I would have been horrified and called it SA, but because they happened to me, I couldn't.

I only started calling it SA when I read a list of example SA behaviours, and saw things my sibling had done in that list. The things that you describe are also in that list.

Snowdrops are one of my favourite flowers. I like having them in the garden because they know when winter's coming to an end before I do.

I love this poem. It really resonates with me.

I emailed ASSIST when I first started researching cptsd, and I found them really helpful. They sent me literature for both ptsd and cptsd, and they even include OOTS in their list of recommend websites 

Happens to me too. I didn't understand why or make the connection with EFs until reading this. You're definitely not alone.

"ASSIST Trauma Care is a specialist Third Sector (Not-for-Profit) Organisation offering therapeutic help to adults and children, individuals and families, affected by a wide range of traumatic occurrences. Based at a central clinic in Rugby in the English Midlands, ASSIST therapists have been trained to use evidence-based models to help sufferers rebuild their lives and move on following a traumatic experience that has impacted them. We also have specialist Outreach Therapists located across England and Wales who may be able to provide more local help in some cases. ASSIST therapists work with both the symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and also with Traumatic Bereavement and Grief."

http://assisttraumacare.org.uk/

Sending you  if that's OK. You're not alone. You're valued and worthy.

Thank you for all the replies, and for making me feel so welcome. 

I think that in a way the diagnosis was a relief. I suspected I might have C-PTSD when I first heard about it, and the more I read, the more convinced I became.

One of the things that messed with my head was that my sibling would always say I was asking for it, he hardly touched me, or that I was making stuff up, depending on what he thought he could get away with. It was easier for people to believe him than it was for them to believe me.

My diagnosis was actually quite validating. The assessor believed me, and my experiences weren't just dismissed as "all siblings fight", which has happened previously. My feelings about my experiences were valid, and my reactions were normal. It was the situation that was abnormal.