Messages

San, I'm so pleased that you can feel the love that we're all sending your way. You are so much loved.

I wonder if your ability to feel this stems from all the hard work you've been putting in with rescripting? It sounds like progress, and as though something has shifted.

I hope it goes well, Tee. Telling them that the questions are triggering sounds like a good idea. 

That's really good news.

Oh no. I'm so sorry.

I hadn't heard that before about fear, woodsgnome. Thank you. It gives me a new way of looking at it.

I think at the moment I have two key things going on: releasing the impact of past fear, and changing my habitual reactions to fear. This leads to a third thing which is absolutely crucial: learning to trust my instincts and act on them. I spent most of my childhood in fear, and over time my instincts were injured. I learned to ignore them, and that acting on them was weak.

I now know that my instincts were correct. I have good instincts that I can listen to. And it's not weak for me to act on my instincts, it's about strength, safety (which I deserve) and taking control.

Thanks, Hope. Yes, it's definitely progress.

I rested a lot yesterday and today, and it definitely feels as though my relationship with fear has shifted. I had a few minor incidents yesterday which tested my fear reactions, such as the smoke alarm going off and a big spider running towards me, but I was fine. In each case I briefly felt fear, acted, and let it go.

I also remembered a few times when I felt fear related to traumatic events. I think this was part of releasing as when I sat with the fear, it went away, and I felt peaceful afterwards.

That sounds perfect, wb. I found myself unwind just by reading your words.

I'm sorry you're feeling low today. Don't forget that allowing yourself to rest is in itself a concrete beneficial step. 

I'm not surprised you've been feeling out of it. Repatterning childhood stuff can be exhausting, and you've had all the medical stuff on top of that. Tee's right, you deserve a good rest.

The other thing that occurs to me is healing crisis, as in a sense, you're detoxing your emotions and mental patterns. It might not be, but thought I'd mention it in case it helps.

Either way, I'm sure it's temporary, and you'll feel better once you've rested.

 

I didn't know that about hate. That's really interesting.

I hope you get a good rest after the past few days. 

So far so good with the work I did yesterday. It does feel as though my relationship with fear has changed, and is changing.

Yesterday afternoon I realised that I'd make a mistake about something a couple of weeks ago. Instead of freezing, thinking I was a bad person and it taking over my day, I decided what to do and corrected my mistake. The fear was just a flash, and it quickly disappeared. I was aware of the old habit of freezing and holding onto the fear by contracting, but it was just a shadow.

I slept quite well, and felt good when I woke up. I had a flash of random fear this morning, but it quickly swept through me in a few seconds, and it was replaced by a feeling of deep warmth and love.

Another thing I've noticed is that my feet are more relaxed. Before the journey yesterday, my feet would always feel tense, as though they had to hold onto the ground. That's now gone. I have more trust that the ground will support me, so my feet are more open, I have a better connection, and I feel much more grounded.

That's great to hear. 

I hope today goes well, and that it gets rid of the infection. I will bring you virtual cups of teas throughout the day, and sit with you in support. 

Thanks both.

After the energy work yesterday I felt as though my body was vibrating for the whole evening, and I became aware that I was holding deep fear contractions in my belly. The vibrating was more fear being released, so I just let it happen.

This morning I felt pretty good, but still felt the fear being held in my belly. I spent around 15 minutes consciously shaking off deep-seated fear, shaking as deep into my body as I could. I also hummed sub-vocally at a resonance that hit the fear contraction in my belly, and this really helped. I filled up with love energy afterwards, and I felt very happy.

This afternoon I journeyed to change my relationship with fear. It went well, but it was completely different to how I thought it might go beforehand.

I found my fear in the form of a tall, powerful whirlwind. I told it how much I appreciated it, and thanked it for keeping me safe.

I then noticed that the whirlwind was caged. I told it that I had no idea that I was keeping it locked down like that, did it want me to set it free? Yes, it said. So I walked towards the whirlwind with my hair standing on end, and released the chains. The whirlwind swept across the landscape until it nearly blew itself out, and then what was left of it stood in front of me. The fear lost its power when I released it from its chains and let it roam freely.

I told the remaining fear that I wanted to change my relationship with it. Appropriate fear was still necessary, but I wanted to stay present and grounded, and be able to think, act and talk. We agreed that this would be a good thing, and I absorbed the new response patterns.

The fear then left, and I spent time practising appropriate fear responses. Running, staying motionless but alert, fighting, and shaking off any remaining fear. I have permission to act in these ways and more in response to fear.

I then felt a deep vibration inside me, and more fear contractions shook out of me from where I was still holding it. When the energy of the fear contractions left me, they transformed into gold/pink flames. I absorbed the energy from these flames so that the fear was replaced with a deep spiritual love. I stayed this way for a while, releasing fear and absorbing the transformed energy.

After the journey I felt very grounded, steady and relaxed. I'm going to take it easy for the rest of the day to help the journey take deeper effect.