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Hi,
as part of healing from my trauma, i was reading "the body knows the score", and given i have been quite disconnected from my body for a long time, i have been allured to try some form of body based psychotherapy, of which the book recommends some.

I wanted to know if others had tried, or had knowledge of biodynamic massage and what their experiences/thoughts were?

i tried it for the first time yesterday and i am not fully getting it

thanks

Thank you for this posting, this is somehwat how i feel as i look into possibly returning to work, but ideally i want part time or more flexible options so i can continue to heal and fix without the stress of normal jobs

but like you say, how to explain - its hard

will decide soon what i do, but hoping i can find something that ticks all my boxes

For years i have been working from a fear perspective, my flight or fight response on hyper drive, overthinking comments by bosses and taking it home with me, and waking up thinking about work.  It got worse last year such that now, i have taken some time away from work, to do some EMDR and to just rest a bit. 

Its been very helpful but i am now considering starting a job search after being off for 3 months, and it really bothers me as i want to change career, or do something with more meaning, but feel trapped by jobs done before and the money question. 
I managed to earn fairly well but it was at the cost of triggering my mental and physical health over many years, and the stress and anguish just doesnt seem worth it anymore, but, i dont want to feel not as valuable

trying to manage this anxiety and work out how best to approach life now, as i feel from a work standpoint, i have lost a lot of confidence, even though my performance is higher than others as is my workrate, i am too negative

anyway, this is a bit of a ramble now, but hope others can read between the lines and offer some thoughts

thank you for the video, loved it

This has been my experience too sj, an absence of any craving to drink that I heard most people trying abstain have.  I too think it is because I found out what is at the root of things - CPTSD and stored trauma -- and got work in earnest on that.  I've occasionally thought about having a drink too when I've had a tough time but it is just not something I ever want to have to deal with again so it doesn't take much willpower, just some realistic pulse taking about what the best direction is for me to take. 

thats fantastic.  I have felt elements of this but i need to develop it further

I find the healthiest way to combat an addiction is by replacing it for a healthier one. So if you find yourself addicted to alcohol, perhaps try a different non-alcoholic drink? And if you are struggling with an obsession - get into something new, something that will help you. Be kind to yourself and perhaps try cutting yourself some slack (and others, if you believe you have been overdoing/obsessing about someone)

I find this has some truth, i was using exercise as a means to control help motivate me through my addiction, but without the inner and deeper work, it doesnt always work.  I wasnt able to exercise for a while and my addictions came back.  maybe it was my choice of what i did instead but i think a deeper understanding and resolution is often needed

I have read a few of the books by Gabor Mate, and they are well written, empathic, and really resonated with me and my feelings

recommend them to anyone with addiction assocuated with their trauma

just wish the rest of the world would understand rather than label and disconnect from these people

When i was not aware of my depression, and worsening feelings i spent a lot of time listening to John Frusciante.

He was depressed for a long time and an addict, and his lyrics spoke of that in indirect language, i just wish i had picked up on why it spoke to me a lot earlier, but i am glad i now know that if i start listening to that music, it means other things need looking into

I find the fact i have lost so much time, initially through addictions and avoidant behaviour, and laterly through depression and battling through recovery that it makes me sad and angry often.  Just the lost opportunity, the lost potential and the lost chances of normalcy.

however i do feel like i have learnt more, and feel i am a more wise than others through all this but apart from say in our community i dont know how this plays out in society etc, people dont generally relate or understand, and this makes me feel behind / have missed milestones and that normal life

e.g.  wish i had the courage to be more adventurious, but with my still highly active flight or fight response, this isnt likely to happen anytime soon

anyway, its a bit of a rant, but i am keen to hear how others have come to terms with this aspect, as i feel it sometimes slows me down and my progress

thank you all and best wishes

I dont understand how a T can decide what is and isnt traumatic in this regard, i would think its very case by case as to what can traumatise someone.

If you do not think / feel heard by this therapist i wonder if its time to try someone else?  at least to cross check opinions?

I know from personal experience that having the wrong therapist for a long time is not helpful and felt detrimental in some ways

good luck to you

I assume this topic has been covered many a time before but given my particular questions i am posting my own version.

I am currently investigating becoming a therapist, and have been doing an initial introductory course.  My current career feels like a waste of time and energy, i feel a need to live more or give more after losing so much time to my cPSTD.  Money is a concern but i feel that its less of a concern when i consider a life spent doing the same thing will do to my mentality.

Anyway, Given my personal varied experiences in therapy and now EMDR, i just feel i can relate and resonate in a manner others cannot  (in my experience - therapist was weak / unable to comprehend [told me an addiction was just like closing a box], or has too much ego). 

However i have a few concerns:

- I have a default position of giving and focusing on others needs, rather than my own given my manipulated upbringing
- I was shut out from my own emotions for a long time, and it took time to feel, wonder how that impacts my ability to relate
- concerns around burn out and the emotional weight of this type of work

anyway, if anyone has thoughts i would appreciate them as i navigate this given its a big commitment if i carry it forward

thank you

Hi all,

New here, and glad i have joined. I have been on a complicated journey and trying to "fix" myself for years, with i think a bit too much time lost in unhelpful therapy.

I dont want to go through my story story, but for context i suffer cPTSD, which has gotten better, mostly through my own actions, however i have finally taken some time away from work to try and deal with it properly, but think i will have to go back sooner than i wanted given i think the EMDR will take much longer given an addiction that needs addressed also. I am quite confused as to what i do long term though, as i think a career change and more life focus is in order, as i want to live happier as i have lived depressed, lonely and avoidant for far too long.

Anyway, i am glad i am here, and look forward to engaging with others

Cheers

Hi,

I am new here, and was reading the guidelines and wanted this line explained to me, if someone can:

"Many of us with CPTSD have been trained to be caretakers and recovery for us involves resisting the temptation to do so here at OOTS. "

I have a sense of what this means, and particularly from my own background - i became the pseudo parent to my much younger brothers, but i wasnt aware of it being so common, or maybe it means something else?

thanks