Messages

Wow. 

I hear you 

 

Welcome B1bird,
I'm also new here and it's already helped me a lot. I'm glad you are here.

That's great you got unstuck from the Trump triggering.
(By the way, I got triggert to see his youngest son when he became president - he seemed to suffer so much)
And I found your response to your M very inspiring. 

Dear DV,

oh dear, what an awful experience. I can totally understand and relate. Glad you vented, I'm in your corner totally. I think you sound very clear about him. But I read here in the forum that there are indeed good trauma therapists out there who are not stuck in the stone age.

What you tell about your trauma... o 
I had a similar childhood. Such an upbringing is totally "sufficient" to traumatize you and leave you very ill-equipped for normal life's situations.

I hope that this experience doesn't keep you from looking for a good therapist. You are worth receiving a good treatment!

Thank you for saying this, Boatselsailrose.
"For me at the moment i want to remember im just another human on this planet and come from that place and  when i am in EF ill know it rather than over labeling myself"
That sounds really good 

I think, for me it is also a thing to keep in mind. I'm just not yet experienced enough to know when there's a ef and when it's just "normal" sadness, anger etc. So I think it cannot hurt treating myself as if I am in ef (self-care, self-soothing, telling myself that it will not last forever etc.). But in the long run it may become an obstacle in letting myself go into a more normal life.

I've noticed that in former crisis I had a hard time to let go of the crisis as it was so much needed to define my identity. But at the time, for me, it is not a danger, because I benefit a lot atm from observing and kindly accept what is going on. Finally I am able to label these feeling states, even if I may sometimes label them wrongly as efs. Does that make sense?

And what I thought, too, is that the flight response is  so strongly present every day of my life (maybe I am a bit adrenaline-addicted). I guess it is a automatic thing that just carries on even when I feel okay with myself.

And I agree, bluepalm, it is a different story to really hear about others with similar storys. You just don't feel so alone anymore. Just reading a book would not create this experience.

Yeah OOTS 

 

I just want to say that I am currently so full of thoughts and processing what I read here and other cptsd-input. I try to take it easy and slow but it is so helpful and life-changing to me that I really want to read and learn.
Today I am hopeful and self-compassionate.

In a thread here in the forum I came across Athena Moberg. I found this video today about C-PTSD and the brain.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5m2qVgKgcM

It hit me very hard. All the damage that has been done. I did a bit of Internet research in order to find out if the things they say in the video are well researched. Well, it seems to be the case. I just ordered the book "The body keeps the score" to get more information on how trauma affects the body and brain.
Although learning all this was hard, it is also a source of hope. And I love understanding myself better :-) I have a feeling that I want to rush to help me.

Dear LittleBoat,
thank you for sharing what was your history of therapies and diagnoses. I can relate a lot to it.

"But, wow!  When I discovered it, I felt like I had discovered the root of a LOT of my issues.  And, when I look back on my lifetime of treatments, I think I could have saved myself a lot of time and money, a lot of painful knocking around in the dark, with therapies that didn't quite work and drugs that are now causing me problems.  "

Elphanigh, I just wanted to tell you that I read what you posted. It sounds like it is so hard with the nightmares and the fear. And so very understandable.
I'm glad it lifted a bit today and you are "holding it all".

I think you've been very brave to stand up against her verbally.
Be kind to yourself.