Messages

Thanks, Armee.

I felt overwhelmed at work today. I had therapy today and it helped to have T affirm how much all of this is.

Thank you San & Cactus Flower. It does help to have that space put together.

Worked on my new position at work today. I felt calmer and not panicked. My coworker was really encouraging about the technology; that she would help and that I could take it slowly.

Thank you Armee, San, & Rainy. It helps to have your affirmation about how big all this is.

I mostly finished the family room. After H left, it was in chaos, with stuff removed from shelves that he took and my boxes that I had packed. The furniture that was here was not in any order. When I look back at the chaos that the room was in and then look at what I've done, I feel proud of myself. I didn't think that I would get it done until fall. There is a little bit left to do, but overall it looks good.

I hope that you have healing and relief for your eye soon.

Blueberry, those are painful realizations. Please try to have compassion for yourself.

I've been slowly unpacking the boxes that I packed when I thought that I was moving. I came across the card my H gave to me on our first anniversary.

All too much: grieving divorce, getting prepared for new job, getting house and finances in order. I'm okay right now, but it all really weighs on me. Sometimes the overwhelm feels unbearable.

Thanks. 

I got a lot done today with help from my daughters. I had moments of feeling overwhelmed, but overall I did okay.

I was so overwhelmed and anxious this morning that it was just too much. I took a couple of meds and slept for a few hours. I had my therapy session. I didn't really get anything done. Watching a movie with daughter now.

 

Rainy, that is a lot to navigate. I'm glad that you have a therapist who will be helpful.

 

I cannot handle all the technology that I will need to learn and use for my new job. I can't.

Thank you, Rainy & San.

I got some organizing for work and for home done today. It's never enough. My anxiety is getting even higher. I can feel it through my whole body. I need to do more work, but I just feel overwhelmed and frozen. Ugh.

My ex-H was here, because he was with our son. When he told me the following, he wasn't bragging, just stating facts. I could hear my T's voice in my head saying that he has no idea how what he says lands for others. Ex-H: I'm going to trade my car in today and get an new (used) one. In my mind: "Thanks for letting me know how you're spending MY DAD'S money." He also bought a couch and a dish washer. All those are things he needs, but I am living on my friend's money that she willed me. He has a large portion of my Dad's money. It makes me feel ill.

Rainy, that sounds really difficult. My heart goes out to you.

For the second night in a row, I had a 'grief" dream (divorce).

I'm still feeling overwhelmed by my preparation for the new job. The anxiety is more at a six. Last week I was living at 8-9. Still  .

I looked at my bank account online. It didn't trigger me, so that was a relief. I remembered to deposit a check from ex-H today.

There is an important paper regarding the transfer of the house to me that seems to be missing. I sent it to his real estate lawyer, but she hasn't received it. I think it needs to be forwarded to her from the city office. It is concerning and I'm trying not to panic.

I feel like I should do more work. I'm tired and my brain is pretty much finished for the day. I don't have the energy to do physical things either. I'm ready to shut down.

I talked to a friend yesterday who has cancer. It appears that the situation is worse than originally believed.