Messages

Hi Trace, sorry to hear you had a bad experience with this therapist.  A good therapist can come up-to-speed with a new client very quickly.  I too have a very complex history and am very complex.  I had a therapist who "got me" in the first session.  I had another who never "got me" even though we worked together for almost 2 years 

It's inappropriate to suggest a therapy break to a client who is motivated.  This therapist wasn't a good fit for you.  If she was half way on the ball she would have addressed it with you - the fact that she doesn't feel she has the expertise to help you.  Then she would have tied to help (or at least support) you in finding the right therapist.  I think the GP relaying that information was serendipitous as it got you away from this situation sooner rather than later.  You sound like a person a good therapist would be thrilled to work with. I'm glad you're looking for another therapist; that takes a lot of courage at this point.  Good for you.  You deserve a good therapist.  Psychology Today has a "Find a Therapist" part of their website.  It's an excellent place to shop for a therapist.   

Great link for questions to ask a T and yourself about your experience with the therapist.  In the US a counselor is a newer credential.  You need a minimum of a masters degree.  They have less training than psychologists wrt "more severe" issues, e.r. personality disorders, bipolar, schizophrenic.  However, they have just as much training in doing therapy as a social worker.  Both social workers and counselors can go on to receive training for and treat any condition; there are no legal or ethical restrictions.  Here are some of my favorite questions for potential Ts:

Do you treat _______ ? (whatever the issue is including trauma, ptsd, Cptsd, eating disorders, etc.)
What is your approach to treating this issue?
Do you offer a complimentary first session or phone session?
What is your theoretical approach as a therapist?

They certainly shouldn't balk at any of these questions if they are a good therapist.  As you interact, pay attention to how you feel - safe/unsafe?  heard/unheard? respected/disrespected?

Trust your gut. There is a difference between feeling apprehensive about beginning therapy in general, and getting a bad feeling about a potential therapist.

My current therapist is an MSW and she's just awesome.  One of the reasons I chose her is that she specializes in eating disorders.  I don't have an eating disorder (I used to) but I know they are really complicated to treat and a specialist needs to be well-trained and compassionate and patient.

May we all find the very best therapists.

Hi Stella and Welcome     What you say definitely makes a lot of sense.   Rebuilding trust in people after being so terribly betrayed and abandoned in childhood is so very difficult.  I'm glad that after lurking you came to conclusion that this seems like it might be a safe place for you.  I have found it to be a real blessing; it is helping to restore my own sense of trust that there are some people who are/will be there for me.  I look forward to getting to know you better 

Thank you for the link to this wonderful article! It is very well articulated.  It made me aware of nondual awareness on a deeper, more meaningful level.  It also clarified the paradox of no-self and the importance of healing the self in a way that is very clear and rich.

Hi ZevMordekaisson and Welcome    Thank you for sharing your story.  My heart goes out to you.  I feel happy that you have a loving wife    I feel really glad that you found your way to OOTF, identified the Cptsd and then found your way here.  It was so courageous of you to tell your Dad off in a major way; I see it as a big step in reclaiming your right to exist, your right to be you  and to be treated with respect and care.  Going NC with abusive parents is a big step in reclaiming your rights and well-being.  I know it can be stressfull/difficult at first.  As time goes on things get clearer and clearer and we get freer and freer.  You are healing, you are recovering, you deserve that.  I'm glad you are here and look forward to getting to know you better 

Hi Littlepalm and Welcome    I hear how much you have suffered and are suffering.  I also hear your clarity about your need and right to be seen, comforted and cared-for after your father died.  You're on a path of healing and you deserve that.  This is a safe place to connect with people who understand and care.  I'm glad you are here and look forward to getting to know you better 

Hi Waterfall and Welcome    I agree with Sandals that inner-child work may be part of what you're looking for to go deeper and reclaim your true self more completely.  Bradshaw's "Homecoming" is a wonderful guide for this work.  I feel very inspired by your story.  The fact that the memories themselves are breaking through means you are strong enough to bear them, and you will be able to process them, which means you will heal from the abuse and experience wholeness.  I know this is a difficult time in your process, I also "know" or feel very certain you will succeed.  You are an inspiration.  Glad you are here 

Here are some suggestions:
Write them letters that you do not send.  Allow the letters to be stream of consciousness, no censoring at all.  You may need to write and reread many such letters.
Go out into the woods and scream at them, throw stones, break branches.
There is the empty chair technique where you imagine someone in an empty chair and really tell them off.

You are at a wonderful turning point in your recovery.  Anger work has been called the backbone of healing.  Inner-child work is helpful for taking the responsibility off of yourself and putting it where it belongs, on the abusers.  Bradshaw's "Homecoming" is a wonderful guide for this.

You Go Girl!!!!!        

Hi mntnceguy and Welcome    I hear how much you have suffered and my heart goes out to you.  Tolle is also a hero of mine.  Seems like many great truths are paradoxes: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, the bittersweet thankfulness that I believe many of us feel, there "is no real self" and yet here we are with a self that very much needs love, attention, nurturing and healing.  A self that survived horrendous abuse and yet perseveres, overcomes, loves and contributes.

"the universe reacts for you, not to you, gives you both a certain power, and a certain powerlessness"  This is one of the most challenging paradoxes is it not?  Our beliefs, thoughts and feelings create our reality, yet so many of "our" beliefs, feelings and thoughts have been imposed on us by disturbed, unwise people.  So we keep manifesting what was put on us until we can somehow change those beliefs, thoughts and feelings.  So difficult!    Yet we are powerful co-creators, whether we like it or not.  I think knowing all this is a blessing that can help, but also a burden when we find ourselves in a bad place, knowing that we are now manifesting from that state.

You'll find many of us "hyper-empathetic" another paradox?  So glad you found us and look forward to getting to know you better 

Hi ALovelyCreature, I really like the username you chose    Your story touched my heart and I find it so inspiring that it's possible for people to find their way out of the cruelty and chaos of your FOO situation.  I was torture tickled in my childhood too, I'm so sorry you were forced to endure this.  I can't say this enough, we are heros all. 

Welcome back VA    I understand the type of exhaustion you are experiencing.  It can be hard to be in a place of recovery where the old ways are no longer tolerable, but the new ways have not yet been revealed. You're in a productive limbo.  It's good to hear from you 

Hi BSR    Your post is so wise and inspiring    I'm so glad you are experiencing healing and self-love and care.  Your post brought a poem I wrote a while ago to mind, I'd like to share it:

Let's bridge the distance between us
Let's really live, boy
And smile at Life everyday
Let's be well and whole and
Unafraid to face
The next adventure
Sobriety is so wild
Freedom is so full of
Meanings and possibilities
That I want to sing out
So big and loud
That all the angels notice
The difference they've made in my life

Hi Jdog, What a lovely, wise, warm and nurturing response    Thank you!!  I agree with everything you said. I am coming out of the depression.  You're so right, feeling the feelings (and not freezing) is the way to go.  I also saw my T and prayed and was able to do a little half-a**ed meditation.  I just kept in mind that depression (which for me is a kind of giving up) is not helpful for me; it just causes more suffering.  One thing that helps too is to hit it chemically - I take extra 5-HTP and also Kava Kava.  I find that to chemically improve my mood helps to come out of a depression "skid" and see beyond it.  I called my surgeon, he can't get me in any earlier than May 20.  Emailed my PT, she hasn't responded.  Looking on the bright side, I'll get a break from this 2hours a day, 7 days a week PT and have time for other things again. 

As far as pulling out of the EF, I had to change the belief, "Life is always looking to hurt and sabotage me, there's no hope"  to "I am no more prone to difficulties than anyone else, even though I had a rougher that usual beginning.  Athletes get injured.  I am aging and physical issues are part of that process for everyone.  I can use this situation to grow more resilient in the face of it."

I so appreciate being able to post here and to receive responses from caring, wise people like YOU 

I'm feeling so depressed and discouraged.  Every time the PT process gets to doing some squats my knee gets re-triggered and I'm back to square one - pain and disabled, can't walk stairs (and I have to negotiate stairs all day every day) can't run, kneel, do yoga, do sports, hike where there are any inclines.  This has been going on for almost 6 months now.  It's so hard going through this as someone with Cptsd and already super-prone towards depression.  There are little bits of hope followed by more setbacks.  I just feel so depressed and disappointed and angry.  I don't want to be depressed, it doesn't help, but I can't seem to fend it off.  My life has been so difficult, with so much burden and difficulty.  Perhaps it's the "it feels hopeless, there's NOTHING I can do" aspect that's triggering me.  I have been doing 2 hours of PT 7 days a week.  Still, it doesn't change things, I'm trapped in this mess even though I'm doing everything I can to change things.   I guess this is the Cptsd part - overwhelmed with no hope of escape.  I know this is a process and there will be a resolution eventually, but meanwhile it feels beyond awful to be disabled all the time. 

I know this is just a rant.  Sorry so negative.  Just trying to help myself out of this dark place and posting here definitely helps.  Thank you for reading this 

Hi Beewitchme and Welcome    I appreciate you sharing your story; I hear how much you have suffered and are suffering.  I was bullied too and I know how painful that is.  I'm glad you found your way here.  You'll find this to be a safe and nurturing place.  I guess there's something about sharing the experiences of intense and prolonged suffering that can create a warm, loving, understanding community.  I look forward to getting to know you better