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Awesome!

And very charitable.... to yourself!

I'm at a loss for words.

Almost.

Welcome, Cottonanx! 

I'm sorry if that last thing I said about my ex husband was a trigger for anyone - I looked for the thing they talked about on here about putting trigger alerts on your message if one thinks it could trigger anyone - but iI couldn't find it.

There isn't a specific "trigger alert" thingy.

What I usually do is write it in CAPS, then leave a couple of 'empty lines', then type the possible trigger. Like this:

TRIGGER ALERT








Type message.

in my apt building (loud neighbors who slam doors and stomp out of their apts and down the stairs)

That is so horrible. I share your pain.

If at all possible, probably moving could be a high priority. Assuming you've tried talking to them, and/or your landlord. Which in any case takes time to get a lasting effect (I know from experience).

At work: is it possible to talk to your supervisor/boss? Maybe you can be given a quieter spot/office? Tell him/her you cannot work as efficiently as you are capable of because of the noise/distraction.


I'd like to tell you this. Many people can't handle (near) constant noise/distraction very well. There's a reason laws are in place regarding noise. Not being able to 'counter' the effect loud/noisy people have on you is not something that you necessarily can solve all by yourself.

I dislike this type of drama.  I will post condolences online, send flowers, and write a letter to my Aunt (mother of deceased) as she is a really nice lady.  Don't want her thinking I don't care. If my Ncousin had informed me of his brother's death more promptly I could have gone back.

You're a wonderful person, Jdog. My condolences for your loss.

Can't you send him a text message?

And from what I have heard, Facebook is *-on-earth. I never felt tempted to join anyway, but most I seem to hear about it is people getting into all kinds of abusive situations, usually with relatives or (because of FB-posts) soon-to-be-ex-friends.

Question: how bad will it be/will you feel yourself if there is a death in the family, and you didn't attend the funeral? Perhaps you don't want to be there anyway?





In perhaps a related note: today is the funeral of a (extended) family member. I dreaded to go there, for many reasons but one being my NCsis. This morning I got a text from her ( ) asking if I would (too) attend the funeral. I've kept my silence. And I feel pretty good about it. About my silence to her that is. In any case I did send the family a card (already 10 days ago when I heard of the death) and have not heard from them, nor got an 'invitation' to the funeral. Which is fine, the person who died is far-away-related (I won't go into details).

[again]

For me, a flight response works best for this particular trigger - avoid if possible; get away if necessary/possible; hide behind an (emotionally) stronger person if nothing else helps.

Yep, that ^

The only other thing I can think of, is doing all you yourself have mentioned, again when the noisy people have finally gone. Or practice those skills in a quiet place, where you try to visualize loud/obnoxious people present. Obviously the last method carries a "trigger alert" warning.

Dear Boatsetsailrose,

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

This so resonates with me. Spot on.


I was tempted to write: "I could have written that."
But I don't. Because my dad has an 'annoying' trait: If he has a problem, and I offer help, it gets rejected. If I give advise, he rejects it. In a very grumpy way. I don't think 'grumpiness' counts as an emotion, but if it is, THAT's an emotion he hows, regularly.
Then a few weeks/months later he tells me: "Listen to this, now I have come up with a great idea! And I have put it into practice already." And that was the very help I offered or advised.
I then feel so 'robbed of myself', it makes me feel empty inside. I then do applaud my dad. Because his plan IS a great idea, and I'm happy a solution is reached. But it's also because it's the only way I can get some respect/validation/compliment for my problem solving skills, and the love I show towards him.

Is that something you recognize?

Thanks for the ideas.

I was too baffled at the time to react properly  . My head spinned  .


(for completeness sake. He has met my mom, but ours was not a house where friends hang out (same for Sis' and Bro's friends) He has never met my sis. I was quite shocked by that revelation actually).

[me]

So, I did a SCID-II screening, and I have no PD. Period.
I did score a few points at various PD indicators, but well below the threshold for a PD.

I'd like to talk about one of them, and if it has any relation to CPTSD.

In de BPD section I scored on "temporary, anxiety tied, paranoid ideas or severe dissociative experiences" (probably a lousy translation, but hey, I think you get the picture.)

The example (as mentioned in the report on my SCID-II):
My mom and sis (both uHPD) are in the 'therapy' business. Apparently this is not uncommon: the urge for self-help manifest itself in helping others. They have a great need in helping me. All sorts of things are wrong with me, at my core. But I digress.
So at a point in me coming out of the FOG, I had this notion that I was in a very uneven battle. They are therapists, and thus know every trick in the book. Good or bad. Yes, bad.
At some point I got this mental image of always fighting with them, defending myself "No! I'm not wrong, there is nothing wrong with me, let me BE!!!!!", to no avail. I felt like boxing with professional heavyweights (or any weight for that matter) while I was just an amateur. Off course I always lost! (my Sis actually trains girls self-defense against (sexual) assault)

Fast forward to a meeting with a dear friend, whom I know since I was 15. One of the guys with whom I entered puberty, adolescence and what have you not after that (I'm about 50).
He said at some point: "You know, Hysperger, you are in a boxing match with two professionals, and you simply cannot win." 

I was baffled. I didn't trust my own senses. I didn't trust him. Did HE just say that? Or was he simply copying what I had said earlier to him? (I don't recall telling ANYONE ever about me being the sparring partner being knocked into the hospital by the great Champ(s)) Was he just pleasing me? Was he just saying this to be finally of the hook by all my whining about Mom and Sis?
It was a horrible feeling, because I'm SO convinced that none of this is the case. (rationalizing afterwards: if any of this was true, why would he even still invite me over for diner with his wife, and cook the most gorgeous food? (He's a sort of Gordon Ramsey, including the foul language if he deems it appropriate. He spares no-one, when applicable. I love the guy).

But the paranoia was still there, and hard to kill.


Scenes like this are rare, but I have the feeling they should not be there AT ALL. Not on this level of mistrust at least.

Thoughts?

NB: I want to pursue some more of these SCID-II points. They are not PD's, but they are certainly a pain in the butt. I would like to have a bit more grip on these levers.

[cousin]

OMG 

I just had a look at Sacha Baron Cohen's wiki entry (just to check if I spelled his name right) and it turns out he is actually Simon's cousin 

Now how creepy is that?

Is there a connection with Sacha's (definitely autistic) characters? Ali G. and Borat? Boy, do they have no clue about the emotional effect they have on others! They truly are oblivious to the input they receive...

Thanks a lot, @keepfighting.

I'll look into and at Simon Baron-Cohen (I'm already a fan of his brother, Sacha ).
edit: that was great video! thanks a lot, again.

I'm not sure how my (perceived) Asperger dad might have contributed to any (C )PTSD, but only yesterday I realized (quite similar to the Bell-curve you just described) that:

- MY emotions (or emotional state) DOES NOT COUNT in my relation/dealings with my uHPDsis and uHPDmom, since theirs take precedence.

&

- MY emotions (or emotional state) DOES NOT COUNT in my relation/dealings with my dad, since... well, they simply don't get processed.


I can 'see' how these two complete opposites, and off course having HAD to deal with both extremes (growing up), did make it hard to find the 'healthy' middle ground...

A sort of bizarre "damned if you do, damned if you don't" plot.

I also ' diagnosed' [...] dad aspergers ages ago - whether they are or not I don't know but it has helped me read and understand -

Thanks a lot for your reply. Should have said earlier, but was distracted with my upcoming meeting.

Could you elaborate a bit on 'Dad the Asperger'?
Since OOTF is really focussed on PD's, Aspergers don't feature much in the conversations there.

I'm especially interested in the "it has helped me read and understand".
It seems to me that life with an Asperger is manageable, while life with a PD is a lot harder/complicated. The Aspergers at least do not have a hidden agenda! (At least, that's what I've understood so far.)

I am very inspired by that quote. In fact, I'd like to write a short song about it when I have the time.

When you're done, I'd like to hear/read it  .

The quote is not mine. It's attributed to "-unknown-"

So I went to the psychology centre.
They are 'done' with me. They can't find anything wrong, so there's nothing to treat.
In a way that's OK. I came there for an anxiety disorder (premature diagnosis at the addiction treatment centre), I haven't got one. Then I did the SCID-II there (see story above) and I don't have a PD either. So they can't do anything, I'm not 'sick', NHS wise.

I'm cool with that.

I had a good talk. I told the psychologist I felt I still needed some sort of 'rehabilitation'. The confirmation of my long held suspicion that my (uHPD)mom/therapist has implanted the idea I needed treatment whenever I had a (minor or major) setback in life IS a major breakthrough, and it has lessened a very deep seeded anxiety.
But like a physical injury: now that's it been established I don't limp because of a pelvis fracture, but because I've lived my whole life walking on just one shoe, I still limp. And just putting on a second shoe will definitely not make me stroll along easily now. I'll feel awkward walking 'straight up', and probably my spine has made a few unwanted modifications. It needs straightening out.

So, my psychologist will send me an official letter to close my 'case' (and to the NHS, and by my request also to my GP), and I'll make an appointment with my GP to talk about what help I can get with the rehabilitation. He should be my best advisor on what therapist I could visit. I'll have to pay for this myself, which is fine. I Can't change that in any case, or I would have to fake something in order to get the NHS pay for it. Well, I'm through 'faking' (albeit unconsciously/implanted), so I'll take the good (no 'hospitalisation') with the bad ($$$).

I asked her opinion on joining group-sessions with co-sufferers. I did some research on 'children of autistic parents' (my Asperger(?) dad), and I have found some groups on that issue "living with an autistic family member/SO" (I've kept that on the back burner: "me first" was my motto for the past half year or so). She thought that was a good idea. Didn't mention this site. I know that's a good idea myself  .
I still would like to have the backing of a Mental Healthcare Professional. I'll probably get EF's in the group sessions and quite possibly any professional present at those meetings will have limited resources in the group-session itself to deal with those. So I hope I can find one that can address my rehabilitation, as it has become pretty clear what I do need to rehabilitate from. She agreed.

So, as soon as I get the letter, I'm off to my GP!