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I found this video particularly spot-on regarding my issues in relating with others.
Maybe some of you can get something out of it too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Rd8C2olIO0

I totally understand what you're saying.

I have the same issue in that I don't have the confidence (due to the abuse) nor the support of anyone of outside of my family. Nowadays, it's not that bad, I only live with my mom who, for the most part, is not abusive, and some siblings but I still wish I could move out.

I guess the fact that I'm so scared of other people, always think they are somehow out to get me, my non-existent social skills, and that I can barely manage to get out of the house without being paranoid makes it all the more difficult.

James, I so relate to what you're describing!

I also have an older sibling who was jealous of me and tried to undermine me in every way she could.
We were pretty young when this happened though so some of it I can attribute to immaturity, her not knowing how to deal with her own issues and trying to have control over something.

But yeah, it was pretty traumatic to me and to this day I struggle with being the center of attention, feeling like everyone is judging me all the time, not knowing what I truly feel, paranoid that people don't really like me, etc. Also,  the fact that my mother always took her sidde made it all the more frustrating, like she would do everything to accomodate her so she would not get angry.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: I feel you.

Hope we can both recover from this

I also think you are very brave.
I can definitely empathize with your nervousness; I'm still quite new to all of this too.

Anyways, welcome!

Thanks you two!

My agitated mind was making all kinds of catastrophic scenarios about the kind of responses I'd get (I'm anxious like that).

I've been seeing this book recommended by many on various websites. I should probably look more into it.
Maybe they have it at the library or something...

Hi everyone,

I've been signed up to the forum for a while, reading a lot of you guys' stories, recognizing myself in some more than others.

I was a bit aprehensive about posting my story here but realized I do not have to go into all the details if I don't feel like it so here goes:

I was raised in a very unstable home (mentally ill sibling who caused a lot of chaos, abusive father) and was subjected to a lot of neglect/abandonment as a result of my parents having to constantly deal with the acting out of my sibling. Also, I come from a culture where hitting children is pretty normalized as a disciplinary measure, so there was that too.

I sometimes find it hard to believe that what I've been through during childhood and the beginning of adolescence is responsible for the mental health issues I've been having recently, thinking stuff like «It wasn't that bad» (probably due the minimizing of my mother whenever I'd come to her with complaints/sadness/anger/whatever) but when I really think about it, I was a miserable child, always angry or feeling empty and weird and disconnected from others.

Today, I still struggle with relationships (I don't have friends, never been in a romantic relationship) because I feel like everyone is dangerous due to bullying and all the reasons mentioned above. I feel depressed most of the time and get easily overstimulated and depleted. I do not have a diagnosis of C-PTSD but am looking to get one and possibly start psychotherapy soon.

I've been reading a psychology manual from my school's library in an attempt to make sense of my mind and it's been helpful. I really enjoy music, it makes me feel less alone.

I guess that's all. Nice to meet you all.