I've had a similar story. My N father had serious control issues. All looked "fine" on the outside, but wasn't. There was some physical abuse, but not enough to cause marks. Supposedly all "deserved". Then there was a sexual undercurrent to our relationship that got worse as a teen. Comments, pictures taken of me, questions that made me feel uncomfortable, touching that would be more appropriate for a wife than a daughter but nothing so overt I could really put my finger on it at the time. And a Mother that saw these things and didn't protect me. I do feel more was done, but I can't remember. I just feel nauseous about it all.
Everything came to a head when I had my daughter two years ago. I started realizing it wasn't normal at all and I had to protect her. I confronted both my parents. Not much was done, so after a few set boundaries that weren't respected I went NC. I was blamed for breaking up the family, then my sister came out this year saying he touched her. Sometimes going with your gut and believing yourself has much bigger implications. When I finally started believing my feelings I told my husband and he believed me. This was the biggest step in coming to terms. It was real. You didn't create those feelings and you can't cure yourself of them. Hope you have some good safe people around. I'm glad there are these forums where others have had similar situations and can speak to them. They've helped me see things more clearly.
Everything came to a head when I had my daughter two years ago. I started realizing it wasn't normal at all and I had to protect her. I confronted both my parents. Not much was done, so after a few set boundaries that weren't respected I went NC. I was blamed for breaking up the family, then my sister came out this year saying he touched her. Sometimes going with your gut and believing yourself has much bigger implications. When I finally started believing my feelings I told my husband and he believed me. This was the biggest step in coming to terms. It was real. You didn't create those feelings and you can't cure yourself of them. Hope you have some good safe people around. I'm glad there are these forums where others have had similar situations and can speak to them. They've helped me see things more clearly.
I'm new to this site, but have been a member of OOTF for a while. Now that I recognize the abuse that happened as a child of parents with PD, I think I'm dealing with the effects of CPTSD. So I'm more OOTF, but now I'm dealing with the pain. Overall I think I've been doing pretty well. Going to therapy, practicing yoga and mindfulness, taking care of myself and my own family with two young kids. Some days are harder than others and I think I need some more support. Today's theme is sadness. Maybe it's the rain, maybe talking to my grandmother triggered me (oh the guilt trips of not seeing her often enough, and not "letting bygones be bygones" with her daughter, who let my father abuse us and did not make him responsible), or going to a movie. Is anyone else affected by going to the movies? Sometimes I feel so raw. Like old wounds were uncovered and I feel achy, with a heavy weight on the chest and have a hard time expressing this. Thanks for listening. Wish you all the best in your recovery.