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Thanks took me a while to watch all of it.

Armee I have used YouTube hypnosis videos, mainly from The Mindful Movement, they seemed fine, as with meditations and similar, I mostly zone out. IRL I am not so sure.

I have the physical sensations but memories are from the age of 3 or 4 onwards. I feel hypnosis might be needed to unlock anything further back.

G

Thanks Blueberry.

This experience has reminded me of something. I told a counsellor once that I thought I needed to be hypnotised to get at the causes of my problems. She behaved very oddly and asked if I felt safe there. I did my usual behaviour of reassuring her. I realise now she thought I was too scared to bring some things up with her. My belief was, instead, that there were some things I could not remember, was not aware of, I was conscious that some of my trauma must be pre-verbal, not available to my conscious brain to describe. What a wasted opportunity, for her to understand me, that counsellor made so many harmful assumptions based upon her experience rather than trying to understand mine.

G

Thanks, I cannot find much on this forum.

G

Saw a poster for this person in my local Post Office today and obviously my curiosity was triggered by the mention of CPTSD. To be fair, from the name I thought it was a man.

I will look and see whether there is anyone with experience of hypnotherapy here before asking them about their work. It is pricey.

https://www.brayhypnotherapy.com/gez-bray-hypnotherapist

G

https://emergepediatrictherapy.com/autistic-masking/

Sorry Kizzie, I do not check this place enough. The info diagram comes from this site.

There are different ones, some include CPTSD and others do not.

G

Someone I know posted a diagram of neurodiversity as an umbrella, and under the umbrella there was PTSD and CPTSD, trauma rewiresthe brain, does it not?

The more I look into it the more I believe I am neurodivergent, however, in seeking an assessment GP's point out the over lap with trauma. When your trauma began from birth how can you tell?
G

I had an appointment with a mental health nurse yesterday which has stirred me up. It came about because I started to ask about whether I could be assessed for ADHD, as I do wonder about myself, especially since trying to get a job, aside from being self employed. The more I look on neurodivergence groups etc the more seems to resonate, but, apparently, the effect of trauma is similar to being ND, and it could just be CPTSD instead.

So, yesterday, I gave the nurse a brief synopsis of my history of MH struggles, types of therapy etc, and she asked if any of them had worked, made a difference. Aside from psychodynamic psychotherapy improving my immune system, which seemed very important to me, (but didn't seem to interest her) I could not think of any which had made a difference to me, the way I react, suffer. So she is going to refer me to a team who can do a proper assessment, as my only assessment to date had revealed 'traits of PTSD'. Maybe to go on to an ADHD assessment or something else.

That brought me to this part of the forum, and I found this article https://chronicillnesstraumastudies.com/act-out/ linked in an old thread, so I am sharing it again as it seems useful to me. I also recalled a GP mentioning DBT so maybe I should look at the material I have on that too. It was not available where I am, of course.

And, I will look more at this part of the forum.

I feel a bit like I have not been heard because I could not say what had worked. I feel dismissed. I feel sad. So now I wonder if I am right to post this here, but I know I want to put it somewhere it is acknowledged by people who understand.

G

No developments, I am wondering if it is a sign of neurodivergence like being able to hear electricity.I only get it in the room we have an open chimney, I assume it is something to do with the air pressure in that room.
G

So many of us assume that those people whom our abusers smear us with will believe them and in reality, not everyone does.
 

Thanks Kizzie, I have realised something else since I posted. My mother used to make out that my aunt and uncle were scary, strict, and I have always felt fearful of them without any real reason. Did it suit my mother to make me scared or distrustful of everyone? My parents did automatically judge people and believe other people to be capable of having the worst motives. Of having something wrong with them, not like us etc.

The abuse goes both ways, of ourselves and of others, so we do not trust other people.

And if anything, we are not the weak or soft ones. THEY ARE! who feed on bullying or belittling others!

  if that's okay.

Quite, we are. Hugs are always ok from fellow OOTS friends.

It is a small place, a franchise. The manager has been there for decades, the present owner, maybe 2 years. There are 3 people in the workshop, but one has just left, there is the manager in the office, but he also does the other work. A designer, who has been there since June, she already is p***ed with him. The previous designer was there 6 months. And me, the accounts person, I am part time and don't really know anything about the work, just the finances.

There is a pretty high turnover in staff, so far, in my 8 months there, except for the manager.

I am only 2 years older than him and work places have changed a lot since I first started work....... As he has not moved, I think he struggles to accept that. He accepted the previous owners old way of working. He is not strong, he hasn't put himself out there, tried to do something else. And when he does tell me to do something which a customer may not like, and I hold the line, stick to the plan, they call him and he gives them a whole load of flannel, blaming me, and let's them dictate terms. The audacity, when I am there, listening, is unbelievable.

But, hey I have learnt how to use the new accounting software, and use more technology, done some credit control, it all makes me more employable.

G

And going to HR of course, if you have a good HR dept that is. AT the very least they should make a report and paperwork adds up over time. 

Unfortunately, Kizzie, it is a very small business, no HR.

G

Perhaps you should pressure him to pay for those classes, so you can kick him!



I wonder if an option might be first to try standing up for the man who has counselling when the manager says things about him? That way you are not indicating to the manager what might be getting to you personally but you are showing that you are not Softy Walter. (I remember him!) Also it may be that other colleagues don't really like how the manager talks and they may support you.

My husband suggested the same thing, pointing out that he might not like it if somebody spoke about him in that way. It's just finding that right moment. Unless I can use him for kick boxing target practice.

The newest member of staff has her own issues with the manager, I think everyone does.

Thank you for responding.

G

Hi, I managed to get a part time regular job in January, I look after the finances in a small company, the owner has several businesses, he is rarely there. The manager is always there, in the same office, has been there when the previous owners owned it, he has been there for decades, and is a couple of years younger than me. He is a 🍆 .

Yesterday, for some unknown reason (I was focussing on my job so I do not know why he said it) but he said 'I will pay for some kick-boxing classes for Gromit, because she is soft as 💩' I believe it was supposed to be a joke. Maybe a reflection on my approach to getting money out of customers who take a long time to pay.

When I was a kid (about age 9) almost the whole of my class at school started calling me 'Walter the Softy' a character from the Beano (comic). That was the first major bullying, there had been various other bullying before, but not by so many people at once, and it had a major effect on me.

So, I think the comment triggered the stuff from childhood, I had heartburn on and off for the rest of the day.

For context, the manager makes comments about a member of staff who has counselling in works time, and is on pills. Like that is anybody's business at work? He should not be telling everyone. It does not affect the man's work, or how he is with everyone.

I guess I wonder what to do, how to handle it? So far, my default is to freeze and keep quiet, but I have told my family, which is progress. Now I have some up to date work experience I could look for another job but there are bullies everywhere and I like the hours and the flexibility as I have my own business teaching classes.

G