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[Why are we here?]

Dr. Judith Herman, the well known traumatologist who coined the term Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in 1992, wrote about the healing power of community:

Traumatic events destroy the sustaining bonds between individual and community. Those who have survived learn that their sense of self, of worth, of humanity, depends upon a feeling of connection with others. The solidarity of a group provides the strongest protection against terror and despair, and the strongest antidote to traumatic experience. Trauma isolates; the group re-creates a sense of belonging. Trauma shames and stigmatizes; the group bears witness and affirms. Trauma degrades the victim; the group exalts her. Trauma dehumanizes the victim; the group restores her humanity.

Repeatedly in the testimony of survivors there comes a moment when a sense of connection is restored by another person's unaffected display of generosity. Something in herself that the victim believes to be irretrievably destroyed---faith, decency, courage---is reawakened by an example of common altruism. Mirrored in the actions of others, the survivor recognizes and reclaims a lost part of herself.

Herman, J. (1997). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. New York: Basic Books

Why are we here? We are here to harness the power of community, to bear witness to our own trauma and that of our peers, and to connect with one another in a respectful, caring and supportive manner. 

OK, that's great and I'm wondering if you could watch the thread and if/when you do get some feedback and edit it to your satisfaction can you then post  that to the "Glossary" section perhaps?  I'm not on here much and won't be until Jan so that will "ping" me if I see it there given it doesn't get a lot of traffic other than admin type posts. 

Also, I added a post in the "Glossary" thread about just doing a short description for terms/concepts right now, trimming back even more so we can get a skeleton version up.  At some point some (but not all) of the entries will be linked those to longer versions. For now though a simple definition/description is great. 

So the long and the short of it (nurk, nurk) is that if you or anyone want to write up some terms please let me know in a post under "Glossary" or PM me.

Tks again for all your work on this Cat 

We did still need a text about mindfulness Cat, tks so much for writing this up!  It looks good to me although I must admit this is not something I know much about just yet. I certainly want to though as it seems quite useful to recovery.  How about we leave it here for a bit and let folks have a chance to comment?

I'll mention it here and maybe under "Glossary" again,  but I will not be doing much with Glossary except get a starting version uploaded along the top of the page in the next week or so. It will include the short versions of what we have already written, terms which need a write-up period, and quite a few terms which relate to CPTSD and personality disorders and which link to a writeup at Out of the FOG.  At some point the latter writeups may be rewritten so they better reflect CPTSD. Eventually all write-ups will link to longer version than shown on the main page (see OOTF's Glossary http://www.outofthefog.net/Glossary.html)

   Butterfly.  Sorry to hear you're not feeling well.     

Gets lots of  and hope you'll be better soon 

Hi and Welcome BabySteps - I love your forum name as it's one of the big things many of us we struggle with here - being patient and understanding that recovery is a series of just that -- baby steps -- with an occasion giant leap.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts 

Hi SweetSixty - just wanted to pop in and say welcome to OOTS.  I see you have received a warm welcome and lots of feedback already so you know it's an active, welcoming and supportive community of people who really do understand your struggles.

I'm not on the Board much right now due to work, but if you have questions/concerns please feel free to email me or ask other members, they are very helpful as I'm sure you've already seen.

Again, welcome and glad you found your way to us! v 

Hey Des, welcome to OOTS, so glad you found your way to us!   I see you have already received a warm welcome and support from the community.  It really does help, especially given that your therapy will be over soon.   Everyone here just gets it and that can help lift us out of that feeling of being alien and alone, and that can be a big step forward in recovering.

I'm not sure where you're located but is there a community services agency that could offer you therapy or counselling?  I am seeing someone at a health centre which is covered by our provincial health plan (I am in Canada), and it has turned out well. 

I am not on the board much right now due to work, but if you have an question or concern we have some great members who will help you or you are most welcome to email me.

Again, welcome 

[Rain]

Rain- great idea for discussion! Can you maybe start a thread in the "Community Matters" forum so we capture ideas/thoughts there? (something along the lines of "What do we want parents/children to know about abuse/neglect and CPTSD?"  or "What can we do to be involved in preventing childhood abuse and neglect?). 

GT - Now that would be quite the surprise Xmas gift lol.  You just never know, she just might be open to some discussion about it.

The Laundry List!  I had forgotten all about it - wow, that is a blast from the past.

Hi BadMemories - I'm glad to hear you have filed your claim - takes some strength to do I know, but sorry to hear you have some problems with your H in that regard.   

Could I suggest you post the second part of this post in a new thread in the forum "Our Relationships with Others" so that this thread doesn't veer off course, and members can give you some guidance regarding relationships, setting boundaries (which can be hard to do when we have CPTSD), etc. 

Hope you and your H are able to work this out!

Sasha, would it be possible for you to take a time out from the romantic side of the relationship and focus on stabilizing things in both your day to day lives like getting your dog to the groomer, getting the car serviced and soon?

That can take a lot of pressure off both of you and get back a sense of control and some stability.  You agree to put the personal stuff on hold, reassure one another that you will come to it when you're both in a better place. 

And given you're both invested in therapy, it sounds like there is will on both sides to improve your relationship but there's just too much going on to get there just now.

Big  and hope things go better

Have you got some links Sasha?  I know nothing about it - sounds interesting though.

[big]

Yes, this whole domestic terror thing is really quite new to Canadians and I must say really rocked us back on our heels from coast to coast.  Two soldiers in one week in a country that just hasn't known this kind of violence on our soil before. It's been quite a life altering week for us.   

"Antsy" is a word I would normally have used for how I feel about being subject to someone else's authority, but in reflecting on this recent EF I realize that over the years I have actually had big issues with it (and understandably so). On three occasions I had PD-type bosses and eventually had a big EF and ended up quitting each position.  That does not do good things for the resume and I was embarrased about quitting (three times - eek!),  which explains the selective memory. Anyway, it's definitely a sensitivity to bring to T for a look-see.

Did you watch Seinfeld at all? I couldn't help but think of the "Serenity Now" episode when you mentioned coping skils. Very funny!

Good heavens BH, so sorry to hear that you were retraumatized.    I had a similar experience with EMDR and understand now that while it is effective with PTSD, it must be tailored for CPTSD. 

Perhaps these might be a good bad examples for the "What We Want Mental Health Professionals to Know About CPTSD" thread.  I don't want to scare anyone away from therapy, just to have something to take or show their T's about what they should know about CPTSD before choosing a particular treatment approach.   

Years ago when I went to ACoA meetings, their catch phrase for alcoholic parents was "Well, they did the best that they could."
Now, I cry BULLs***! (sorry)  How can they even buy in to that? The BEST that they could do would have been to recognize the damage they were doing to everyone including themselves and getting into recovery. Am I missing something?

I heard that at ACoA meetings too and it was one of the reasons I left. In hindsight I think it really helped reinforce my image of myself as just an angry, defective person who couldn't forgive my parents which delayed recovery for another decade or so.

Our parents did not do the best they could, that's for certain.  What I now understand to some degree though is that mine developed a lot of maladaptive strategies just like I did to survive having both grown up in abusive FOOs themselves (and for a few generations back so the behaviours become somewhat normalized I think), but when all is said and done neither did try and do anything about it. 

I did try and get my M to go to Al-Anon not realizing then that she has NPD and can't see that there even was/is a real problem in our FOO, but she would not.  As long as we looked OK on the surface she was good.  And my F simply did not want to even try getting some help despite the obvious problems it caused in our family. You could not approach him at all or he would rip into you so we just shut up.

I know my GPs had problems and their parents before them so I know it's a long cycle on both sides of my FOO.  It's really interesting that yours did not,  at least on one side.  Did those GPs ever talk to you about your parent's behaviour?