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Hi VA - sending you a BIG    I loved the Helen Keller story and if you want to make a similar contribution to raising awareness about CPTSD (making it relatable, understandable), I'm happy to support you.  I started the site because like you I was lost and voiceless for so many years, decades really and I kept thinking of all the others out there who had no real recourse.  Here we are no longer alone and can make our voices heard.

Well, no jingle infortunately - the pension folks are still dithering!!!!   Well, at least it didn't trigger another big EF.  We and friends have done all that we can to push the big machine into moving more quickly but it continues to plod along - so be it.  We do not have control beyond what we have already done so I'm (mostly) letting it go.  Argh though 

Despite the $$$$ hiccup, we had a lovely holiday  .  My son heads back to university tomorrow so that's a bit of a downer  but we squeezed a lot in in the two weeks he was here so lots of great memories to keep us warm in the deep dark of winter.

Once she's constructed these fantasies of your emotional pathologies, she'll tell others about them, as always, presenting her smears as expressions of concern and declaring her own helpless victimhood.

So you folks all know my M do you?  JK 

Mine is still going strong despite the fact she's in her mid-80's. Over the years and tks to OOTF we've/I've learned to deal with her, but my B who is also an N is still "doing the dance" with her.  I did feel bad for him but honestly I think they are happy in their own way.  They both know the "rules" of the game whereas I read something a while back to the effect "If you don't want to dance, just sit down" so that's what we have done. Nope, that's not a dance we are going to attend anymore

I did that too BF and I was amazed at what I was going through when I signed onto OOTF, and how far I've come since. It's amazing and I am so grateful I found my way there. 

I agree with you and BadMemories that it really helps when you're not really seeing the smaller, incremental daily/weekly changes to go back and see just how far you have come. It's this wonderful moment of  "Wow, I really am on a journey and I am healing - huzzah!"

Tks all  

You can definitely borrow the questions KF but can I have a cookie too? They sounded delicious      (We're all coming to your house next Christmas by the way  )

This is similar to what the therapist I saw did with me. Interpersonal therapy with a focus on attachment issues. It was very helpful, but I'm not sure it would have worked so well if I'd known what she was doing.

I'm curious as to why you say that Brandy, can you explain?

Hey N3 - My social anxiety has been much better since switching medications earlier this year and I absolutely gulped when I read about you arranging to go carolling, my heart did that seize thing. That's not even within the realm of possibility for me so    for taking a risk.  (Glad no-one strange showed up too  )

I did not know anything at all about Gabapentin before having shingles but it sounds like it is used for so much more than as an antiseizure medication.  Tree, my GP was reluctant to give me more than 300 mg/day for really intense pain (they call shingles the suicide virus because it is so painful and for some people goes on and on), I almost had to beg for an increase.  I do have sleepiness with it, even now at 200 mg/day, it just goes to show you how different we all are physiologically.  Prozac did very little for me, but when I was switched to Celexa earlier this year and it made a huge difference - it's the first time ever my SA has been so manageable. Meds are a crap shoot or can be!

One of my T's told me about this and I tried it but didn't find it did much (which is not to say it's not effective for some people, it just didn't help me).  I used to be on the Daughters of Narcissist Mothers and I know the founder was quite into EFT and had quite a few videos for sale on it.  Not sure if they're still available though.

Are you finding it helpful?

I suppose this could go in my journal but Toby is right, this lonely little section needs some more threads 

I just finished teaching a course after being on a leave of absence and it went really well.  Earlier this spring in the last course I taught I had pretty much lost my confidence and was having  a lot of panic attacks, not just about teaching (there were many stressful things going on), but it was a big part of it.  I teach online so there is none of the physical presence stuff (tone of voice, facial expressions, body language) to trigger me, but tone in written discussions can still be quite triggering, perhaps even moreso in my case because I can't "read the room" and that makes me even more hypervigilant.   

Anyway, taking some R&R and talking here helped me to get my mojo back, especially the latter. Whenever I would read something that pinged me, I would sit back and think "Am I -- my IC in particular --overreacting to something?" "How can I look at this differently?"  "Is this healthy disagreement between students or with me or is it an attack?" And it really helped!  I found that I am much better able to see when the past is overlaying the present and to do something about it, namely put it in its proper place and deal with it separately from teaching. My anxiety level stayed put and I actually enjoyed the course.  Huzzah!

Thanks to all of you for having the courage to be open here, it has helped and continues to help me tremendously 

Welcome to OOTS WN! 

I know the forum you are talking about, I found a lot of the members there to be quite cranky and was afraid I would say the "wrong" thing so I left too.  In particular there was a whole "thing" about CPTSD not being in the DSM so I didn't want to make myself vulnerable by talking about something that according to one Mod in particular, doesn't exist. Not exactly the kind of affirmation and validation I was looking for lol.

Glad you're finding OOTS a breath of fresh air though, good to hear 

Hi lovely - if your partner has uCPTSD he will have very similar issues as you, but may not be at the same place in recovery.  Would you and he consider going to a T together so you can learn how to work together perhaps?  Also, I don't know if you have Walkers book but there's an annex at the back about how to lovingly work out conflict that you might find useful.

I think you're letter was so genuine and articulate that although initially he didn't react well he likely did so because he is afraid. However,  it's hard to resist when someone approaches you in an open and honest way.  He probably has taken that on board and will reciprocate once he feels safer.   

 I'm so sorry for what you went through Lovely but I think you were smart leaving.  Beware the "helping narcissist"indeed.  I think there are many more people with a PD who help others to feed their own egos than I used to.  And what better profession than a T when you think about it?  They can control others through their vulnerability and feed off them by playing the Wise T, but  in the end clients are just something to prop up their egos.  "Look at me, I help people, aren't I wonderful?"

I have had a couple of flags pop up with my new T in that he does a lot of the talking and that concerns me - that he likes the sound of his own voice may mean he is a "helping nT" so my antenna is up.  Like you Lovely I will leave if I feel like he is not listening to me.  As for your T perhaps you should write a letter to whatever organization has oversight for her and let them know your concerns.  It might be a better avenue than writing your T and it may flag her in the system as someone that needs watching.  Just a thought.

   and 

Hi IBB9 - the fear you're feeling is telling you something important about your M and S - they do not have your best interests at heart and you will jeopardize your health and well being if you don't set firm boundaries.  I don't know if you've ever been to our sister site Out of the Fog but I highly recommend  you have a look as it sounds like your M and S may have a personality disorder judging from their behaviour.  I started there and once I sorted out what to do about my  narcissistic mother and brother life improved so much.  Now I'm here at OOTS to deal with their gift to me from the ongoing trauma they inflicted - CPTSD.