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hello wingnut,  i am posting a thread about finding a group in my area so i think I'll post my answer there in order to validate the original topic of this thread.

Thank you Lovely.  I try! :thumbup:c

Does anyone know of any groups in the Pacific North West?  I've decided I'm willing to travel, but the closest I've seen online is Northern California, a bit too far.  Anything from Eugene/Corvallis/Salem/Portland, Oregon up to Seattle, Washington could work for me.

Hello Bad Memories,

I am so sorry that you had someone who truly should have helped you hurt you instead.  I work in the "helping" profession more as an advocate/family suppport/case manager.  I learned a long time ago that telling people what to do never, never "helps."  She used her power in an inappropriate way. 

I too had a therapist who re-tramautized me...i would leave trembling and feeling more anxious than when I arrived.  Fortunately i found a new therapist who was able to identify how i'd been re-traumitized and helped me heal from that experience before going on to the end of the 20 yr marriage and now to working on FOO topics...

I was also married to a "therapist" who was abusive...ugh!...I finally recoginized it and told him to stop using his professional to harm me - he would use psychologically to purposefully hurt, manipulate people's emotions, and insult by calling me "crazy"...he was the therapist so he would know right?

I also know from being surrounded by friends at work and of my ex that there are plenty of bad, cynical, jaded therapists out there.  We would talk about how difficult it is to find a skillful therapist.  And I live in a metropolitan area with over a million people.  It is a new and evolving profession. 

I think that it's wonderful that you've found the book and the concept of healing by committee.  I love that idea too.  This forum is a part of that process, but I look forward to one day finding a friend(s)/partner and a recovery group like he describes in the book.  I've not found that yet.  I noticed that there are about 10+ supportive groups in the Bay area where the author resides! (Adult Survivor's of Childhood Abuse).

Now, with the two therapists with whom I've worked (one in a team-building work group, one individually) I start by letting them know that a therapist re-traumatized me and that my abusive/narcissistic ex is a therapist.  It helped them know how to work with me and decide if they're up for the working with someone with my experience. 
   
I also called the therapist who'd made the errors once I understood them and left her a message describing what the problem(s) had been.  She'd wanted to meet, but I just didn't feel up to it.  Sometimes I think about writing her a letter, I know that I will suggest Pete Walker's book. 

I noticed a few people here talking about therapists giving advice.  My current therapist in 3 years has not once given me advice or suggestion of "what to do"...at the beginning I made it clear I just need someone to listen and help me process.  I think he knows that any level of advice in my situation is dangerous given my childhood trauma.  So he describes perceptions of situations that I experience, validates and asks leading questions.  It may take longer with no "advice" but that's ok with me.

As you get farther in to the book he talks about "good enough."  Good enough parenting & good enough therapy.  I love that concept.  No therapist is perfect, but more than 80% helpful to me feels "good enough" to be part of the committee.  If those who've had bad therapy choose to look for a therapist again I hope you find someone who is "good enough."

I continue to feel the need to express my gratitude to everyone here as we heal together, form and maintain the support here that we all need and deserve.  My ideas are of course just mine and it's the whole of the group that allows each of us to pick out that which works, doesn't work, we like, and we don't like.  Thank you.

C.

It's terrific for you to have found and be in an environment that is more healthy.  I look forward to continuing to hear about your insights and experience there.  I was thinking it might be interesting to have a bilingual Spanish/English language thread?  El lenguaje de mi corazon es espanol tambien..estaba pensando q seria bonito tener un lugar p conversaciones bilingues aqui acerca del cptsd?...y de nuevo gracias por su post!

Thanks for your encouragement Flooky!  I'm not great with grammar either so now we can destroy two languages together haha

I live in the U.S. but am bilingual/bicultural.  I made the choice about 3 years ago to live in what I call "Mexico, USA."  That means that my music, my media, my social interactions and my purchases occur within Latino cultures as much as possible.  My newer and closest friends are Latina.  I cannot move b/c I don't want to leave my children, but I hear you. 

And absolutely Latin-American cultures on the whole understand and promote emotional wellness.  I think that's why I don't see so many Latinas(os) on these types of forums or dealing with these issues in the same way.  Of course there are exceptions (my ex-husband), but in general what you say is so true.  I think it starts with early childhood where the fussy/normal emotional reality of infants and toddlers is responded to with so much love, nurturing and compassion.  I discovered South America/Latin America 20+ years ago and fell in love with the people, the customs, the language.

What you describe sounds wonderful, useful for the present, past and future. 

It reminds me of the Reiki healing I was accessing a couple of years ago.  I had never believed in or used such processes in the past, but it works.  I like the fact that she allowed you to witness and process the pain.  My provider would "witness" and "remove", but your experience sounds more complete. 

Thank you for describing the detail of what you experienced.

Welcome Kate,
   
I am very new to OOTS myself but already have found it to be very encouraging. You've happened upon a supportive group when you found this site.  I think that we all have something "wrong" with us...part of our humanity. 
I am seeing a pattern on OOTS of adult survivors who married NPD people and stayed with them for a looooooong time!  I was married for 22 years to a man with NPD.  For me, denial was strong and well developed before I ever met my spouse.  I am just now beginning to tackle truth before the marriage.
Thank you for posting here.

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story.  I am so sorry that you've experienced so many terrible things in your life.  For some people the environment dealt us is so so painful.  And as others have said it isn't you.  Other's planted false thoughts in your brain at a very young age.  But you're an adult now and taking steps to heal and recover from those lies.  The truth is that you are a noble being.  It may take time to believe this truth, but you're taking steps and I am grateful to be one of those witnesses in your journey here.  Thank you.

I'm so happy that you posted your intro here yesterday.  I knew when I read "salsera" we had one thing in common.  I love to dance, especially tropical bachata/cumbia/salsa!, style. 

Like you I began my divorce in my mid-forties, am now near 50, teen-age son, I have CPTSD, and I'm reading Walker's book.  Nearly all of my neglect/abuse was emotional neglect, but it was 24/7 probably from the day I was born and allowed to "cry" myself to sleep.  Or told that I would "tantrum" at age 1 y.o. so would be left alone.  I relate deeply to the "core" pain that Walker describes in his book.

I'm noticing that my first stage with OOTS and in my CPTSD recovery that began a few months ago is hearing other's similar stories.    I have a lot of friendships I developed prior to my recovery, but now it seems like all of these people are either in denial of their FOO abuse/neglect and/or perpetuate one of my unhealthy coping strategies in our "friendship" (freeze, flight, fawn).  Thank you for posting here.  Cheers and strength on your journey.

Well said, thank you for your thoughts, important things to think about and act on.  It's strange to see everyone in such a fog/confusion of the reality, but modeling health, recovery and emotional support/intelligence will help.  Certainly my niece is the place to start and focus for the moment.  Again, thank you.

My niece is in the hospital for depression and a near-suicide attempt.  She is a teenager.  She is being raised by my brother and his wife/her mom who love her deeply.  Given the fact that my younger brother (parent to this niece) was raised by the same parents as me, I know that CPTSD has a role in his reality, but I believe he is in denial, especially with regards my mother's role.  I know not to bring up too much now and to simply support he and his family.  That said, I see an opportunity here for more holistic and complete healing for everyone.  I could see my family scapegoat this niece much like they did me as the "crazy" one...in fact my parents treat my two nieces a lot like they did my brother and I...this niece is treated/viewed much how i was by them, emotions of pain ignored, corrected, distracted, criticized and dismissed...when the family does activities they do what the younger niece wants and the other niece get's more positives from her father (my brother) and grandparents...suggestions?  thoughts?  ideas? similar stories?

Your summary makes a lot of sense.  I think of it at a cycle of "crisis" and "victory" that takes place for everyone in some sharp or form.  I hope that as humanity evolves we can improve our emotional intelligence and capacity to parent/support one another.  And yes, it is very exciting to be a part of that "change" as you and others on this forum demonstrate.

I appreciated your interest in my story.  I created a short intro. on this topic, but I'll post a little longer summary in the future on another thread.  I think you bring up an interesting point that hearing people's stories helps.  I plan to look around more for such content, it's probably out there but work calls! 

Have a great day everyone.

Thank you for your kind responses.  Gracias por tus respuesta amistosas.  Significan mucho para mi.  They mean a lot to me.  Yes, I look forward to posting, supporting, being supported and learning here.  And yes Cat, you definitely spoke to my heart about language.  Much of the loving support I've received in my life has been in Spanish and all of the abuse and neglect in English...so when i hear spanish, irregardless of grammar and spelling! , it reaches my heart through some positive brain pathways    and that is not to discount anything in English...it's hard to explain.  De nuevo gracias a todos por su apoyo.