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Messages - Sandals

#196
Emotional Abuse / Re: wrapping My head around abuse!
November 11, 2014, 11:50:53 PM
Quote from: keepfighting on November 04, 2014, 04:10:15 PM
....once you start spotting the patterns of NPD behavior, you see them everywhere. Can't unring the bell...


Agreed - it's like some sort of sick game for me now - gauging to see how much narc is in a person. Not that a certain amount isn't healthy, but there are so many people that are way beyond that.
#197
+1 to this for me, until I couldn't even do the office-functioning any more. i get it, 100%. It's amazing the show we can put on for others while we're barely holding on. Also, I think this is reflective of how we're not used to meeting our own needs...
#198
General Discussion / Re: inability to feel anger
November 11, 2014, 11:45:56 PM
Oh man, I am very much a +1 to this team. Anger, tears, etc. are next to nill for me.

Like @Badmemories, I do moments of irritation with my kids but those are anxiety-induced irritations, not true anger.

And tears...for all the sadness and hurt I feel inside, I wish I could cry. But they're not there. :(

It feels so good to be with people who *get it*.
#199
Books & Articles / Re: Academic Articles
November 11, 2014, 11:37:43 PM
Best article I've read to date on what happens internally.

A Trauma-Weakened Ego Goes
Seeking a Bodyguard
David Hartman and Diane Zimberoff*
Abstract: Unbearable trauma causes fragmentation of the child's structure of
the self, her wholeness. And this fragmentation occurs on the level of
personality (behavioral changes, or shadows in Jungian terms) and on the
level of physiology (nervous system changes, or shock in our terms).
We want to distinguish between traumatic dissociation and the "soulloss"
of traumatic shock. A helpful aid to understanding that difference is an
analogy of dissociation as slipping away from the triggering experience into
dream sleep. It is creating a distraction to get caught up in, an escape that
allows another, dreamlike, experience to replace the threatening one: "I have
abandoned you." This requires defenses of the ego, such as rationalization,
denial, sublimation, or suppression.
In contrast, shock would be analogous to slipping into dreamless sleep,
recognizing that there is no escape, nowhere to go to escape. It is thus not
escape into an alternate reality but rather into the annihilative nonbeing of the
withdrawal of one's soul, temporary oblivion: "I have abandoned myself."
This is a second-line of defense, when the ego-defenses have been penetrated
resulting in unacceptable levels of anxiety. This level of wounding requires
primitive archetypal defenses of the self, such as splitting, trance-states,
switching among multiple centers of identity, or psychic numbing.
And fortunately, when the ego falls into the abyss opened by unbearable
trauma, it falls into something already there to catch it – the archetypal world
functions to defend the traumatized psyche against further trauma.

Download PDF here: http://www.wellness-institute.org/images/Journal15-1HartmanTrauma-WeakenedEgo.pdf
#200
Posted this in my intro - this is the best book I've read to date.

THE HAUNTED SELF uk
Onno van der Hart, Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis, Kathy Steele

Description:
QuoteThey typically have a wide array of symptoms, often classified under different combinations of comorbidity, which can make assessment and treatment complicated and confusing for the therapist. Many patients have substantial problems with daily living and relationships, including serious intrapsychic conflicts and maladaptive coping strategies. Their suffering essentially relates to a terrifying and painful past that haunts them. Even when survivors attempt to hide their distress beneath a facade of normality a common strategy therapists often feel besieged by their many symptoms and serious pain. Small wonder that many survivors of chronic traumatization have seen several therapists with little if any gains, and that quite a few have been labeled as untreatable or resistant. In this book, three leading researchers and clinicians share what they have learned from treating and studying chronically traumatized individuals across more than 65 years of collective experience. Based on the theory of structural dissociation of the personality in combination with a Janetian psychology of action, the authors have developed a model of phase-oriented treatment that focuses on the identification and treatment of structural dissociation and related maladaptive mental and behavioral actions. The foundation of this approach is to support patients in learning more effective mental and behavioral actions that will enable them to become more adaptive in life and to resolve their structural dissociation. This principle implies an overall therapeutic goal of raising the integrative capacity, in order to cope with the demands of daily life and deal with the haunting remnants of the past, with the unfinished business of traumatic memories. Of interest to clinicians, students of clinical psychology and psychiatry, as well as to researchers, all those interested in adult survivors of chronic child abuse and neglect will find helpful insights and tools that may make the treatment more effective and efficient, and more tolerable for the suffering patient."

Reviews:
Quote"This book is required reading for everybody working in the trauma field. It contains a wealth of' new information, ideas, and propositions. It is a pioneering work, a milestone in the trauma field."
--Tijdschrift voor Psychiatrie (Dutch Flemish Journal of Psychiatry), July 2008     

"I wish the information in this book had been available 30 years ago when I became aware of the variety of survival responses a chronically abused or neglected child could develop to confound their adult therapy. The book's in-depth discussion of abuse issues addresses both clinical and theoretical questions around trauma-related disorders. A clear, non-traumatizing psychotherapy for the patient (and the therapist) is this book's purpose, which it achieves brilliantly. The authors propose theory, research and treatment that are not only understandable, but applicable to effective and efficient assessment and treatment."

"An unusual epilogue gives a moving tribute to patients and to the person of the therapist who undertakes this difficult work. I was deeply impressed by this glimpse into the experience and dedication of the three authors. They have given the field of trauma treatment a monumental work. I recommend this book to anyone likely to treat adults abused as children, children just out of an abusive situation, and to any adult experiencing post-traumatic stress."
--Voices: The Art and Science of Psychotherapy,
Winter 2007

"The title of this book, which lays out a groundbreaking approach to the theory and therapy of psychological trauma, is, like much that lies inside, both evocative and precise. (...) The field of psychological trauma and dissociative disorders, closely lined with childhood abuse, is often criticised (at times caustically) by the mainstream psychiatric press for fuzzy thinking and soft-hearted values. However, this carefully reasoned, cogently argued and well-written book—the fruit of decades of clinical experience and research (...)—should go a long way toward dispelling that view."

"The Haunted Self is, without a doubt, one of the most important books to come out of the trauma field in many decades and should serve to revitalise and transform the field. It should be read not only by clinicians working in the trauma field and interested researchers, but also by trauma sceptics as the theory (the authors are at pains to point out) is eminently testable and can be empirically judged by those who doubt its implications. Last, but certainly not least, The Haunted Self provides a welcome opportunity to reconsider the relevance of Pierre Janet's theories, which continue to provide rich clinical and theoretical insights."
--British Journal of Psychiatry, December 2007

"No other modern texts gives such a complete synthesis of Janet's psychology of action and none go as far in defining psychological trauma syndromes in forms of the sorts of dissociative splitting of personality that can be persuasively conceptualized as being influenced by developmental age, duration, type and extent of trauma, relationship to perpetrators etc. Given the manner in which a theoretical construct is developed to illuminate close similarities between conditions not always conceptualized that way, I am reminded of Janet's book, "Major Symptoms of Hysteria," (1907) based on fifteen lectures given in the Harvard Medical School in 1906, exactly 100 years before the publication of Van der Hart, Nijenhuis and Steele's equally illuminating and thought-provoking synthesis."

"This is a well-written, well-structured and thought-provoking book that challenges us to think very seriously about the multiple trauma derived states that we encounter so frequently in our patients."
--Traumatic StressPoints, December 2007

"Onno van der Hart, Ellert R. S. Nijenhuis and Kathy Steele have come as close as I can imagine to writing the definitive book on trauma, dissociation, and the complicated treatment of [trauma-related] disorders. Their book, The Haunted Self, is an elegant integration of theory, research, and clinical practice about the struggles endured by survivors of complex and repeated trauma. (...) The ideas of structural dissociation—complicated for beginning clinicians—made immediate sense to women with lived experience of trauma, confirming my belief that the authors could not be more right in what they have to teach us."
--Psychiatric Services, September 2007

"This wide-ranging, scholarly book represents the coming of age of a contemporary European perspective on Janet's theory of dissociation and its wedding to the rich tradition of previous works emanating from North America. (...) t contains a wealth of insights for those who seek to develop their skills in working with this particular client group. This book is rich in detail, a book to be read and a book to be kept at hand for reference. The scope of this review does not allow me do justice to the depth of understanding of the inner life of trauma patients that these authors demonstrate; the book would be worth reading for that alone. For its analysis of structural dissociation and its recommendations for phased but flexible treatment it must truly be described as a landmark book."
--Journal of Analytical Psychology, September 2007
#201
Hi everyone,

Wanted to stop in and say hi.  :wave:  Thanks so much for creating this forum, it's nice to have a space to talk and learn.

So...my story in a nutshell is that I had several large shocks earlier this year that has triggered a whole slew of things for me and brought me to c-ptsd.

Time line:
April - suspected dh of infidelity
May - suspicions confirmed in one of the worst ways. did not walk in on him, but was still huge enough to send me into shock. Left home for a few days (flight), came back and asked him to leave. He came back briefly...and, i don't want to post what happened on here, but suffice to say it was bad.
Jun-Sep - applied high control and order to my life to go on w/out him and nurture 2 kids.
Oct - strings started unravelling
Nov - now off work on leave of absence

Issues:
Infidelity (abandonment)
Childhood trauma - physical abuse + neglect + narc mother (father passed away almost 15 years ago) - working on processing and memory recovery
Self Injury - started in April, beat it, came back in Oct. Working on it.

Progress:
I've been seeing my therapist for 6 months & she's great. Ironically, she saw the childhood trauma effects (emotional containment) in me before I did. I was focused on the infidelity bit.

I've never been on a leave before...have worked my whole life & was very angry when i realized i had to go. It felt like yet another choice being taken away from me. But I'm determined to use my time to the best of my abilities. Am attending a workshop this weekend called The Awakening - cautiously optimistic about it.

I'd also like to recommend a book to everyone called The Haunted Self. Really, really good book on trauma and healing from it. It is written more from a practitioner's perspective, but I found it good to help understand a lot of the stuff that is going on internally.

Here are some reviews:

Quote"This book is required reading for everybody working in the trauma field. It contains a wealth of' new information, ideas, and propositions. It is a pioneering work, a milestone in the trauma field."
--Tijdschrift voor Psychiatrie (Dutch Flemish Journal of Psychiatry), July 2008     

"I wish the information in this book had been available 30 years ago when I became aware of the variety of survival responses a chronically abused or neglected child could develop to confound their adult therapy. The book's in-depth discussion of abuse issues addresses both clinical and theoretical questions around trauma-related disorders. A clear, non-traumatizing psychotherapy for the patient (and the therapist) is this book's purpose, which it achieves brilliantly. The authors propose theory, research and treatment that are not only understandable, but applicable to effective and efficient assessment and treatment."

"An unusual epilogue gives a moving tribute to patients and to the person of the therapist who undertakes this difficult work. I was deeply impressed by this glimpse into the experience and dedication of the three authors. They have given the field of trauma treatment a monumental work. I recommend this book to anyone likely to treat adults abused as children, children just out of an abusive situation, and to any adult experiencing post-traumatic stress."
--Voices: The Art and Science of Psychotherapy,
Winter 2007

"The title of this book, which lays out a groundbreaking approach to the theory and therapy of psychological trauma, is, like much that lies inside, both evocative and precise. (...) The field of psychological trauma and dissociative disorders, closely lined with childhood abuse, is often criticised (at times caustically) by the mainstream psychiatric press for fuzzy thinking and soft-hearted values. However, this carefully reasoned, cogently argued and well-written book—the fruit of decades of clinical experience and research (...)—should go a long way toward dispelling that view."

"The Haunted Self is, without a doubt, one of the most important books to come out of the trauma field in many decades and should serve to revitalise and transform the field. It should be read not only by clinicians working in the trauma field and interested researchers, but also by trauma sceptics as the theory (the authors are at pains to point out) is eminently testable and can be empirically judged by those who doubt its implications. Last, but certainly not least, The Haunted Self provides a welcome opportunity to reconsider the relevance of Pierre Janet's theories, which continue to provide rich clinical and theoretical insights."
--British Journal of Psychiatry, December 2007

"No other modern texts gives such a complete synthesis of Janet's psychology of action and none go as far in defining psychological trauma syndromes in forms of the sorts of dissociative splitting of personality that can be persuasively conceptualized as being influenced by developmental age, duration, type and extent of trauma, relationship to perpetrators etc. Given the manner in which a theoretical construct is developed to illuminate close similarities between conditions not always conceptualized that way, I am reminded of Janet's book, "Major Symptoms of Hysteria," (1907) based on fifteen lectures given in the Harvard Medical School in 1906, exactly 100 years before the publication of Van der Hart, Nijenhuis and Steele's equally illuminating and thought-provoking synthesis."

"This is a well-written, well-structured and thought-provoking book that challenges us to think very seriously about the multiple trauma derived states that we encounter so frequently in our patients."
--Traumatic StressPoints, December 2007

"Onno van der Hart, Ellert R. S. Nijenhuis and Kathy Steele have come as close as I can imagine to writing the definitive book on trauma, dissociation, and the complicated treatment of [trauma-related] disorders. Their book, The Haunted Self, is an elegant integration of theory, research, and clinical practice about the struggles endured by survivors of complex and repeated trauma. (...) The ideas of structural dissociation—complicated for beginning clinicians—made immediate sense to women with lived experience of trauma, confirming my belief that the authors could not be more right in what they have to teach us."
--Psychiatric Services, September 2007

"This wide-ranging, scholarly book represents the coming of age of a contemporary European perspective on Janet's theory of dissociation and its wedding to the rich tradition of previous works emanating from North America. (...) t contains a wealth of insights for those who seek to develop their skills in working with this particular client group. This book is rich in detail, a book to be read and a book to be kept at hand for reference. The scope of this review does not allow me do justice to the depth of understanding of the inner life of trauma patients that these authors demonstrate; the book would be worth reading for that alone. For its analysis of structural dissociation and its recommendations for phased but flexible treatment it must truly be described as a landmark book."
--Journal of Analytical Psychology, September 2007