hey, sienna,
somehow it seems that you are sounding a bit stronger within yourself. are you feeling that? i hope so. the reason it seems this way to me is because you are finding things that work for you, and are also finding the courage to share that - speaking out loud to yourself. i don't at all think you're crazy for doing that. this stuff works differently for everyone. i'd never thought of that, but it makes sense to me, a lot of sense. keep up the good work! and, in my opinion, if it feels good and helps you make forward progress (and, of course, isn't hurting you or another) then go for it!
when i spoke of dissociation with physical stuff, i was thinking of rape victims as an example. i've talked to several people, who, when the sexual abuse was going on, they could feel themselves 'leave' their bodies, view what was going on from above or another part of the room, or just go completely numb. it may have hurt physically, but it also hurt psychologically. it was just that the entire event was overwhelming, and the person was not able to deal with it, not able to cope with the reality.
i think if you want to explore some alternate methods of releasing your emotions (when you're ready, of course), it would be a good idea to talk to your therapist about that. see what she says, if she thinks it's a good idea, if she thinks you're ready for it, etc. sometimes a therapist will encourage a client to do something like that during a session. that way the client is monitored and supported at the same time. sometimes the therapist won't think it's a good idea at the time, and would want the client to wait for a later time, when there's a stronger sense of self and emotional stability. these emotions have been trapped for a long time - to attempt to let them out at random is seldom a good idea, especially on your own.
disrespect from my partner - this has been an ongoing 'thing' between us for years. part of it is a male-dominated cultural thing, part of it is what he learned by watching how his dad treated his mom, and his mom's acceptance of it. i've just gotten to the point in my recovery where i'm tired of anything of that kind. happily, he's agreed to couples counseling, and i have faith that all that stuff will get ironed out.
asking my therapist for a hug - i'm a hugger, have been for a long time. i hug most everyone when i feel a good vibe. as a therapist, i liked closing my sessions with a hug, if my client agreed (i always asked first). i felt like it put a very warm closure to the session. in this case, where my therapist is not a hugger, i, as a client, asked her, and she, believing that it's something positive for me (or i wouldn't have asked) agreed. she still doesn't offer, but when i feel like a hug would feel good to me, would feel like a good way to close a session, i ask, and she is now more at ease with it.
i don't think there's anything wrong with asking for a hug from your therapist. and, depending on your reaction, if it brings up something negative, that would certainly be something to talk about in your next session. you would be able to explore those feelings, get to the bottom of why something neg. happened after a hug. again, it's what you feel comfortable with.
personally, i don't remember a lot of 'safe' or gentle touch while i was growing up, and it's something that i want on a regular basis. many of my friends are in recovery of one kind or another, so hugging is pretty automatic among us. i've read about how 'good' touch helps our bodies give off pos. enzymes or neurotransmitters or something (i'm not sure exactly) and that it's important for our physical and mental well-being. when i'd hug my daughters, i'd say 'skin health!', and we'd hug and smile/laugh. it was a really good thing for all of us. so, again, what you feel comfortable with is what is important.
i just told my husband today that i believe i'm feeling better, in a general sense of the word. i've had a busy week, and, in the past, it would've kicked my butt! but, i'm hanging in, this week, and that feels good. so, it seems like everything is working as it should, progress is being made. yay! i wish that for you as well. it's a good, good, good feeling!
keep taking care of you, sienna. i'm doing the same. i'm convinced it's possible to eventually put this behind us.
somehow it seems that you are sounding a bit stronger within yourself. are you feeling that? i hope so. the reason it seems this way to me is because you are finding things that work for you, and are also finding the courage to share that - speaking out loud to yourself. i don't at all think you're crazy for doing that. this stuff works differently for everyone. i'd never thought of that, but it makes sense to me, a lot of sense. keep up the good work! and, in my opinion, if it feels good and helps you make forward progress (and, of course, isn't hurting you or another) then go for it!
when i spoke of dissociation with physical stuff, i was thinking of rape victims as an example. i've talked to several people, who, when the sexual abuse was going on, they could feel themselves 'leave' their bodies, view what was going on from above or another part of the room, or just go completely numb. it may have hurt physically, but it also hurt psychologically. it was just that the entire event was overwhelming, and the person was not able to deal with it, not able to cope with the reality.
i think if you want to explore some alternate methods of releasing your emotions (when you're ready, of course), it would be a good idea to talk to your therapist about that. see what she says, if she thinks it's a good idea, if she thinks you're ready for it, etc. sometimes a therapist will encourage a client to do something like that during a session. that way the client is monitored and supported at the same time. sometimes the therapist won't think it's a good idea at the time, and would want the client to wait for a later time, when there's a stronger sense of self and emotional stability. these emotions have been trapped for a long time - to attempt to let them out at random is seldom a good idea, especially on your own.
disrespect from my partner - this has been an ongoing 'thing' between us for years. part of it is a male-dominated cultural thing, part of it is what he learned by watching how his dad treated his mom, and his mom's acceptance of it. i've just gotten to the point in my recovery where i'm tired of anything of that kind. happily, he's agreed to couples counseling, and i have faith that all that stuff will get ironed out.
asking my therapist for a hug - i'm a hugger, have been for a long time. i hug most everyone when i feel a good vibe. as a therapist, i liked closing my sessions with a hug, if my client agreed (i always asked first). i felt like it put a very warm closure to the session. in this case, where my therapist is not a hugger, i, as a client, asked her, and she, believing that it's something positive for me (or i wouldn't have asked) agreed. she still doesn't offer, but when i feel like a hug would feel good to me, would feel like a good way to close a session, i ask, and she is now more at ease with it.
i don't think there's anything wrong with asking for a hug from your therapist. and, depending on your reaction, if it brings up something negative, that would certainly be something to talk about in your next session. you would be able to explore those feelings, get to the bottom of why something neg. happened after a hug. again, it's what you feel comfortable with.
personally, i don't remember a lot of 'safe' or gentle touch while i was growing up, and it's something that i want on a regular basis. many of my friends are in recovery of one kind or another, so hugging is pretty automatic among us. i've read about how 'good' touch helps our bodies give off pos. enzymes or neurotransmitters or something (i'm not sure exactly) and that it's important for our physical and mental well-being. when i'd hug my daughters, i'd say 'skin health!', and we'd hug and smile/laugh. it was a really good thing for all of us. so, again, what you feel comfortable with is what is important.
i just told my husband today that i believe i'm feeling better, in a general sense of the word. i've had a busy week, and, in the past, it would've kicked my butt! but, i'm hanging in, this week, and that feels good. so, it seems like everything is working as it should, progress is being made. yay! i wish that for you as well. it's a good, good, good feeling!
keep taking care of you, sienna. i'm doing the same. i'm convinced it's possible to eventually put this behind us.