EA, it sure sounds like you've had some very harsh experiences/situations when it comes to interacting w/ others. i wish that hadn't been so.
i think a lot of us have tended to gravitate toward people who feel 'familiar', for a couple of reasons. one is that it's the kind of treatment/actions we've come to know from family. i know i've sought out relationships w/ men who were emotionally blank walls and women who treated me without kindness/gentleness or as someone not to be taken seriously, including friends and superiors. it is a lonely and confusing place to be.
two is that i haven't known very well how to be around people who weren't unkind to me, or who were emotionally available, male or female. like you said, i wasn't taught how to have a healthy relationship w/ someone like that, and i also wasn't comfortable when someone did treat me kindly - didn't know how to react to that, often sabotaged it because it wasn't familiar.
it's taken a while, a long while and a lot of 'weeding' to get rid of all those unhealthy relationships, leave those people behind, and has left me w/ 4 people who i know are on my side. very different from the days when i was surrounded by 'friends'. i hope you are able to find your way to finding and becoming more comfortable w/ people who have your best interests at heart. i'm glad you're here. love and hugs
i think a lot of us have tended to gravitate toward people who feel 'familiar', for a couple of reasons. one is that it's the kind of treatment/actions we've come to know from family. i know i've sought out relationships w/ men who were emotionally blank walls and women who treated me without kindness/gentleness or as someone not to be taken seriously, including friends and superiors. it is a lonely and confusing place to be.
two is that i haven't known very well how to be around people who weren't unkind to me, or who were emotionally available, male or female. like you said, i wasn't taught how to have a healthy relationship w/ someone like that, and i also wasn't comfortable when someone did treat me kindly - didn't know how to react to that, often sabotaged it because it wasn't familiar.
it's taken a while, a long while and a lot of 'weeding' to get rid of all those unhealthy relationships, leave those people behind, and has left me w/ 4 people who i know are on my side. very different from the days when i was surrounded by 'friends'. i hope you are able to find your way to finding and becoming more comfortable w/ people who have your best interests at heart. i'm glad you're here. love and hugs