This is the first time that I have joined a forum, as well as the first time that I am publicly sharing that I bear many consequent cPTSD symptoms and developmental arrests due to parental addiction and codependency, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, neglect, and abandonment throughout childhood and adolescence.
Among the devastating symptoms I struggle with are toxic shame, social anxiety, and isolation. I am realizing that for me especially, these three issues continue to play off of each other in cycle. The toxic shame that I hold from my past experiences conjures negative cognitions, especially in social settings, which lead me to isolate and avoid such situations. Yet, the feelings are conflicting; beneath the terror/anxiety towards social encounters lies a deep need/desire for social interaction and connection. Thus, taking the step to join this community is both very difficult for me, as well as very important to me.
Since I found OOTS several weeks ago, I have been stopping in to read some of the resources as well as the community posts. I have admired the courage with which many have shared their stories, and I have reflected in wonder at the compassion which the members of the community have provided for each other. Though I had not worked up the courage to join or to share, I kept returning for a while, just to read and to see genuine messages and reflections of hope.
From your posts, I have learned that to receive love and goodness is not only possible for survivors, but that as survivors we ARE all still capable of immensely powerful, healing love! Despite many crippling fears, I have resolved to learn to manifest this powerful love for myself and for others, and I deem this as a necessary part of the healing process for me.
Thank you all for inspiring me to continue to take steps, large and small, in the process of healing. I hope that I can learn to do the same for you, in turn, as part of this community. I am learning to find the voice I did not know that I had, and I am hoping that this community will be a safe place for all of us to explore those parts of ourselves.
Sending lots of positive thoughts, energy, and love to all of you out there!
Among the devastating symptoms I struggle with are toxic shame, social anxiety, and isolation. I am realizing that for me especially, these three issues continue to play off of each other in cycle. The toxic shame that I hold from my past experiences conjures negative cognitions, especially in social settings, which lead me to isolate and avoid such situations. Yet, the feelings are conflicting; beneath the terror/anxiety towards social encounters lies a deep need/desire for social interaction and connection. Thus, taking the step to join this community is both very difficult for me, as well as very important to me.
Since I found OOTS several weeks ago, I have been stopping in to read some of the resources as well as the community posts. I have admired the courage with which many have shared their stories, and I have reflected in wonder at the compassion which the members of the community have provided for each other. Though I had not worked up the courage to join or to share, I kept returning for a while, just to read and to see genuine messages and reflections of hope.
From your posts, I have learned that to receive love and goodness is not only possible for survivors, but that as survivors we ARE all still capable of immensely powerful, healing love! Despite many crippling fears, I have resolved to learn to manifest this powerful love for myself and for others, and I deem this as a necessary part of the healing process for me.
Thank you all for inspiring me to continue to take steps, large and small, in the process of healing. I hope that I can learn to do the same for you, in turn, as part of this community. I am learning to find the voice I did not know that I had, and I am hoping that this community will be a safe place for all of us to explore those parts of ourselves.
Sending lots of positive thoughts, energy, and love to all of you out there!