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Hey thanks for the encouragement it has helped more than you know. I thought I'd update the situation. I have started therapy and now realising the extent of my trauma. So I  am not a narcissist after all. Even though I now am second guessing most stuff that comes from my mouth in fear of being betrayed as narcissist or now a sociopath. Therapist thinks she has both c-ptsd and narcissism. That I am definitely traumatised with some form of c-ptsd or similar condition. I have been told to NC and that she will probably only then want to return, and I must resist forgiving and taking her back. I see know how only her validation matters/mattered to me even though every other friend family etc told me otherwise. Looks like I will have to reduce working hrs and go for full custody of my children. Big life changes ahead. And frankly I am scared stiff to fight her for them, it gonna be a bloodbath either way.

Thanks. I have set up first therapy session but I have to wait 2 weeks. Daughter rang me said mum ls drunk we might sleep at mum's friends house. Rang 10 times to see if I could pick them up but no answer. So I just have to hope everything is good for tomorrow pickup at 10am. Idk what to do or think or say. I wish there was something I could do or say  to get her to seek treatment. TF.

Arghhh
She picked up the kids this morning for a "function" I was told. Kids said it is our friend's communion party. We were a my parents having dinner, I said I'd have thought I would have been invited as I am fairly good friends with them. My daughter tells us is was invited and that  mum had the invite and she didn't tell me. So I asked about it this morning and she just lied straight to me that she didn't know anything about it.I said that was a cold thing to do after everything. Then it went back to me riding my moto 11yrs ago when she was pregnant and that I never cared about her. Know she will scold our daughter for speaking freely like her mother did to her. Idk I was feeling despair about it all recently but now I'm starting to feel anger and hate toward her because her indifference is agitating. I feel like I'm now triggered by her and even thinking about it all sort of brings on the fight or flee feelings. I am about to go now to doctor for referal to therapy.
Is it possible to get some sort of similar mental health condition as my ex partner?

And by no means is this meant to offend anyone who is suffering from cptsd. ☺

Thanks so much I appreciate your responses. We have 2 beatiful children 10 and 6 who I feel I've failed by not holding it together. I fear later resentment from her if I ever find myself happier than her. But most affecting on me is that I invested so much into being understanding and empathetic and all the while my emotional needs were left unattended. I now questioning my own judgement on the good in people as a whole. I have arranged for therapy to help me learn how to move on from it all.
Your comments mean alot thankyou

Hello. I just wanted to tell my story and maybe get a few answers.
As the partner ex partner  of 15yrs  to someone suffering from cptsd I am broken. I truly am. The deep despair I feel is incredible. I don't know how to go on anymore and am now questioning my own mental health. The toll of 15yrs of mistrust, jealously, cheating and lying had left me with no self esteem or confidence what so ever. We just split again and it seems to have no emotional effect on her at all. She has already moved on and doesn't seem to care at all or show any empathy at all. Even though diagnosed as c-ptsd she refuses to get treatment and after pressuring her to do so I am now a Narcissist and manipulator. I have been turned into a monster in her eyes and been accused of all sorts of wierd and wonderful things. Soon we are starting mediation and it seems that I am now the focus of her trauma. Everyday is a struggle with trying to process how she would rather walk away and start over than to get treatment.
Broken and shifting from love to resentment.