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Thanks for the recommendation!  Cool, I'm glad it helped you.  I think I truly love my inner child (or what I think is my ICh) but since about age 14, I did not feel like it was ok to love her.  I bet it's hard work. 

I read the list of books on the OOTS Books tab for doing Inner Child work, and I'm not sure where to go.  I do not want to search online, that will be too many rabbit holes. 

My concern is, I'm never done this before, and I don't know if I am supposed to dialogue, learn about, integrate, observe... any number of verbs... the inner child.  I do know that I think I have always had her around but felt shame and annoyance.  Integration sounds like a good idea (helps me ask for what I want) but I don't know. 

Who do you like and why? 

Thanks!

Wow, very well said.  I especially related to the idea that the real you will keep nudging.  This has been partially fun for me.  It has empowered the person I was that originally felt wronged and the being that demands more and can still get it.  Not from the ones I needed it from back then, and who needed me even more.  It's trying to make it all seem normal that is too twisted and convoluted and a misdirection of energy.  There are people out there who can love and connect and nurture, and who have selves.  But it's still work to continually refine how to give and receive.

This forum is such a blessing.  I have a 10 yr old son.  I worry often that my Having cptsd will hurt him too, but it's kept me on a path of learning that has allowed me to be really present for him.  And it's forced me to speak up a lot about my concerns too with my SO.  I don't find a lot of support from other parents though, many of us are superficial. 

I'm even somewhat ok with the helicopter parent label, because we probably have a good sense of what our kids can handle emotionally.  It's not that hard, for most I believe, to know how to respond to a child seeking love, affection and tenderness. 

Repair is a newish parenting concept for me.  After a conflict or discipline, stay with the interaction long enough to remind a child they are loved.  Not always easy but my parents were poor at this.

Keep sharing ideas!

I had to visit my FOO last night, and for a very positive reason.  My Mom received a tribute for work she has done for about 10 years, and there was a big celebration.  I saw my whole family and some old family friends.

During the event, I was overcome with fear.  Younger me surfaced and I hated that I had to pretend I'm OK that I am using all of these defenses to be here.  Just writing this makes me feel like, thank goodness I've learned that I don't have to ignore my IC and be the anxious person that hoped this time, I'll act in an acceptable manner.  I'm not sure this is making sense. 

It's just so strange to be surrounded by people who love a system that was so painful to me.  I've paid for it in so many ways: career, relationships, health...  And they have no idea.   

It feels like my IC is beginning to integrate into my adult self and be ok.  But I haven't done much IC work formally.  I will spend more time reading the authors I've seen on this site.I think it will pay off tremendously.

Thanks lovely community.

I can hear myself growing.  Thanks for the shares!!    A couple of thoughts.... For this bright and shiny idea.   Around other people, especially if they are overwhelming me, I imagine an impenetrable bubble around myself.  Their words bounce off the bubble and ricochet into space.  That's not with bigger groups though.  I avoid those or ground myself.  Also, about the list on your fridge... May I pose this- is it embarrassing, considering non-cptsd folks do that naturally?     To most, isn't it a lovely reminder of how people operate?  (May be my bias here, you know your experience). 

Welcome DoveCry.  I know you just posted, but there is 1 thing that caught my eye.  It's about the expression losing your mind.  I get that, and if that's what it takes to get someone into their body, then it's a good thing.  Not that it feels good at all.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  But it serves a purpose. 

My voluntary stay at a psychiatric hospital got me to this thought...  Well, no reason to hide things anymore!

I hope that you find peace and belonging here.   

I've had the same question(s) for a long time.  I also say no, forgiving an abuser is not necessary for healing.  It can be a good thing but there is already so much grace and caring going on that allowed you to come this far and separate and grow.  That in and of itself is highly admirable love.  Forgiveness may or may not happen, but it need not happen now.  Imo.

I'm fairly new here.  I've had cptsd for MANY long, tedious, painful years, both physical and emotional and super compacted.  And I'm blown away by the effectiveness of what I've found here.  There's something about the way many people post here that is deeply understanding and non-judgmental and downright beautiful!  For me, who since I was like 7, knew that I would struggle as an adult.  I looked at the people around me and thought, I don't have a chance.  And now, I look back at that child, and struggling adult, and I appreciate that I was my own advocate.  I really love that little voice that said, amidst the dominating factors, No.  This is NOT how things are posed to work.

I just needed to share that if I can feel better, and hopeful and ok about the past and future..... And I hesitate to say anyone can, because that makes it sound like I suffered more than anyone.  I just want to wholeheartedly endorse what is on here and encourage trust in the process.  Wow, ok, I got to say it. 

I'm verklempt.

I'm feeling really scared.  (honestly, since I found this support site, I have been feeling both super scared and super relieved too.)

This is hard to say but I feel like my life has been one big flashback.  I have a combo life-threatening physical PTSD and years of emotional abandonment that I've made worse over time too.  I've come a long way and am surprised that I am not on the streets.  Anyway, I'm having a hard time seeing just how my 10 year old will ever have a chance to not be traumatized by me, and then I just start the cycle again. 

I've learned some strategies for raising him (from Peter Levine and others) but I can't tell if anything is helping.  I see him doing things I did as a child and I draw all kinds of horrible conclusions.  The most helpful thing is when I can reinterpret the strategies I developed as a child as strengths, and of course they are.  What signs can I look for that I am not teaching him how to ignore his WIC?

I would love some of your thoughts.  This is a goldmine of genuine, amazing, gracious and loveable people. 

One quick thought... I'm new here and have not been through your trials, but after years of panic and depression, I became super tired and found myself resting and sleeping whenever I could.  It kind of felt good.  A little concerning, but mostly just a chance to not be stimulated.  I didn't like feeling stuck but loved the rest I got.  I pull over in my car a lot these days and sleep.  Anyway, Just a thought, I'm sure you know a lot about recharging. 

Thanks for the sharing. Feeling supported.    It really doesn't feel good to 'climb over that piano', actually it is very painful.  For some reason, it is especially hard right now to think about being away from my FOO (who appear very wonderful from the outside) even though they traumatized me.  The upside is that there is a lot of genuine love and beauty that is mine.  Thanks to the people here, I think paying close attention to my WIC is the right thing to do.  But with support. 

I have a question.  My dad is an alcoholic, who knows that he is and that it's the reason I and his other kids struggle so much.  So he makes jokes and comments around me that try to 'normalize' his drinking, like - my cocktail is my drug of choice.... like maybe I'll see it differently and it will change how awful it was for me.  It doesn't help that my siblings seem to deal with their stress better than I do and still drink.  So, what is a good response to myself about his comments?  Your thoughts are very welcome. 

Thanks Kizzie, it feels good to be welcomed here.  Thank you for the encouragement.  You have great language for that!

After reading some other posts, I am wondering if there is a place for me to post about a technique called Psaos Trauma Release, or if this is discussed here.  I think it can be very helpful for discharging physical trauma.  I'm not so sure about the emotional, and that may be more important or more healing for many.  I just know that there is new science around how trauma can be trapped in the body.

Your strength really impresses me and I admire you!  I would love to hear your advice too.  Especially on how you relate to your children.