(Edited; strong trigger warning/violent dreams)
Hi
I am new to the forum, and new to the idea that I may be suffering from C-PTSD. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years, but recently, since returning to my parents' house (and the original site of my trauma) due to being unemployed, I have started to become very mentally unwell.
I left their house mostly because I couldn't cope with living there, as did all of my siblings. My parents are in an emotionally and infrequently physically abusive relationship and have been for my entire life. I am now 23.
I have a psychologist who I see regularly, and after I told her that since being back at my parents' I have been finding it impossible to relax or do anything remotely enjoyable for myself as I simply phase out and don't engage with whatever it is that I'm meaning to do, she suggested that I fill out this questionnaire on CPTSD. I scored very high, and ticking all the boxes as severe or moderate made me starkly aware of how much my parents have affected me. I used to think that it wasn't a big deal, but I've noticed recently that I'm exhausted all the time, I constantly worry, I always feel like I am on guard for if they begin to row or if I'm implicated in having done something wrong. I have nightmares about my father stabbing me and slitting my throat, as he carries a knife and used to threaten me with this when I was younger.
Living at their house at the moment is difficult; I mostly try to avoid them at all costs so as not to 'cause' or worsen any arguments. I wash very little, I eat badly, and I am just about managing to get myself to work for 3 days a week - a temp job I have been lucky to find over Christmas while I look for proper, permanent work. I have nowhere else to stay at the moment, unless I register myself as homeless and go through the state's system of job seeking benefits and staying in a hostel with other people in similar circumstances. I feel like that would be detrimental to me as it would make it quite hard for me to move on in a dignified manner, and almost impossible to rent privately as most UK landlords will not accept those on benefits.
I hope this intro hasn't been too long, and I hope to get to know some of you on here soon.
Hi
I am new to the forum, and new to the idea that I may be suffering from C-PTSD. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years, but recently, since returning to my parents' house (and the original site of my trauma) due to being unemployed, I have started to become very mentally unwell.
I left their house mostly because I couldn't cope with living there, as did all of my siblings. My parents are in an emotionally and infrequently physically abusive relationship and have been for my entire life. I am now 23.
I have a psychologist who I see regularly, and after I told her that since being back at my parents' I have been finding it impossible to relax or do anything remotely enjoyable for myself as I simply phase out and don't engage with whatever it is that I'm meaning to do, she suggested that I fill out this questionnaire on CPTSD. I scored very high, and ticking all the boxes as severe or moderate made me starkly aware of how much my parents have affected me. I used to think that it wasn't a big deal, but I've noticed recently that I'm exhausted all the time, I constantly worry, I always feel like I am on guard for if they begin to row or if I'm implicated in having done something wrong. I have nightmares about my father stabbing me and slitting my throat, as he carries a knife and used to threaten me with this when I was younger.
Living at their house at the moment is difficult; I mostly try to avoid them at all costs so as not to 'cause' or worsen any arguments. I wash very little, I eat badly, and I am just about managing to get myself to work for 3 days a week - a temp job I have been lucky to find over Christmas while I look for proper, permanent work. I have nowhere else to stay at the moment, unless I register myself as homeless and go through the state's system of job seeking benefits and staying in a hostel with other people in similar circumstances. I feel like that would be detrimental to me as it would make it quite hard for me to move on in a dignified manner, and almost impossible to rent privately as most UK landlords will not accept those on benefits.
I hope this intro hasn't been too long, and I hope to get to know some of you on here soon.