Hello all, here is finally my self-intro.
Many thanks to the people who created and who are running this forum, and to the people who fill the forum with life.
About me: 53 years old, grew up under narcissistic parents and in a narcissistic family (with emotional abuse and neglect, but no physical abuse). That my father is very clearly narcissistic (meaning NPD, of the sneaky, "covert", type) I discovered only about 4-5 years ago. (That is how "deep inside" things one is as a child of a narcissists, so deep inside things that one doesn't even recognize the narcissism.) Judging from the symptoms listed in the book by Pete Walker, I definitely have Cptsd (although my Cptsd is maybe(?) less severe now than it has been in the past).
I cut loose from my father, entirely, about 3 years ago, and he no longer troubles me mentally. The thing that brought me to this forum is my recognition that I am still struggling with my mother. Namely, I am discovering that my mother is to a certain extent a narcissistic person as well. Probably below diagnosis as clinically NPD, but still a person who has no idea what Love is and who is very controlling, and my main problem with her is that (as I am discovering) she has severe problems LETTING GO of her children. Just a few days ago, I found the term "emotional incest" on the internet -- I still have to read up on that term but it seems very likely to me that I am a victim of this "emotional incest". I feel that up till now (where I am finally recognizing it), this thing has been emasculating me. I would very very much look forward to hearing of other men who have similar experiences.
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Another big topic for me (which I will probably start a new thread for in due time) is the topic of LOVE. I mean this word Love not in the sense of sex or romantic love, but in the sense of the love between friends. One very crucial aspect of Love that I think I am discovering is that Love means that one leaves the other person intact as a person, i.e. one allows the other person to be themselves, to be their own individual person with their own views and their own thoughts and opinions. I am coming to the point of view that Love is in all ways the opposite, the antithesis, of Narcissism.
Specifically, I posit the thesis that narcissists do not understand what Love is. For the reason that the narcissist is not able to respect boundaries, not able to accept that the other person is a separate person with their own life.
And also, specifically I posit the thesis that Love is *the* crucial component that is needed for healing from growing up under narcissistic parents. Namely first of all to discover for yourself the stance of Love (i.e. to discover your capacity for loving others, which is IMO such a huge generator of energy in yourself). And secondly, finding the Love of others for you (meaning first of all: FRIENDS who care for you, friends who are not narcissists).
Many thanks. Everyone be well and be healthy.
Many thanks to the people who created and who are running this forum, and to the people who fill the forum with life.
About me: 53 years old, grew up under narcissistic parents and in a narcissistic family (with emotional abuse and neglect, but no physical abuse). That my father is very clearly narcissistic (meaning NPD, of the sneaky, "covert", type) I discovered only about 4-5 years ago. (That is how "deep inside" things one is as a child of a narcissists, so deep inside things that one doesn't even recognize the narcissism.) Judging from the symptoms listed in the book by Pete Walker, I definitely have Cptsd (although my Cptsd is maybe(?) less severe now than it has been in the past).
I cut loose from my father, entirely, about 3 years ago, and he no longer troubles me mentally. The thing that brought me to this forum is my recognition that I am still struggling with my mother. Namely, I am discovering that my mother is to a certain extent a narcissistic person as well. Probably below diagnosis as clinically NPD, but still a person who has no idea what Love is and who is very controlling, and my main problem with her is that (as I am discovering) she has severe problems LETTING GO of her children. Just a few days ago, I found the term "emotional incest" on the internet -- I still have to read up on that term but it seems very likely to me that I am a victim of this "emotional incest". I feel that up till now (where I am finally recognizing it), this thing has been emasculating me. I would very very much look forward to hearing of other men who have similar experiences.
---
Another big topic for me (which I will probably start a new thread for in due time) is the topic of LOVE. I mean this word Love not in the sense of sex or romantic love, but in the sense of the love between friends. One very crucial aspect of Love that I think I am discovering is that Love means that one leaves the other person intact as a person, i.e. one allows the other person to be themselves, to be their own individual person with their own views and their own thoughts and opinions. I am coming to the point of view that Love is in all ways the opposite, the antithesis, of Narcissism.
Specifically, I posit the thesis that narcissists do not understand what Love is. For the reason that the narcissist is not able to respect boundaries, not able to accept that the other person is a separate person with their own life.
And also, specifically I posit the thesis that Love is *the* crucial component that is needed for healing from growing up under narcissistic parents. Namely first of all to discover for yourself the stance of Love (i.e. to discover your capacity for loving others, which is IMO such a huge generator of energy in yourself). And secondly, finding the Love of others for you (meaning first of all: FRIENDS who care for you, friends who are not narcissists).
Many thanks. Everyone be well and be healthy.