Topics

I know many of us have experienced the "you need to get over it..."  from supposed friends.

My manager's mother passed away two weeks ago.

He has a bad relationship with his mother and younger sister (just like me)

Last week I gave him a supportive hug and he started talking about it.

He then mentioned the name of his sister......   Which is the same name as my abusive sister.   

I recoiled at the sound of her name.  ( Between h and I we have a nickname for her which is much easier).

I said "OMG that is the name of my sister" and I showed him how my hand was shaking.  I then tried to say the name myself to get used to it.

He said something about "you need to get over it.."


I found myself JADEing as in "it was just recently I realized "I" am not the abuser but the abused....." etc etc.

So we are now on week two since his mother died.  He comes in late then takes off with a lame excuse and disappears for the rest of the day.  He is "tired" and everyone is so sad for his loss. 

There I am running the store alone ....  I am sorry for his loss too, but as he says

" YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT!!!!!"     

Had to get this out in a place where people understand....

I am not sure where to turn because I am not sure what is going on.

We moved up north to cold weather and less sunlight.
We moved far away from FOO -good thing.
We are in a bigger house than I would have liked.
I have yet to feel at home here.
I am in the middle of a career change and do not know what to do with my new degree.
I feel stuck in the house because I am scared of the ice etc outside.
I wanted to move because I did not like the desert but the house we were in was my first real home and it hurt to move because of the house

I was abused by my sibling the GC memories of her traumatize me

Before we moved I would feel a pain in my chest which I figured was the old pain and my IC.  I got used to nurturing that pain and it did not seem so bad.

After we moved and when winter set in (I had no distractions) I sit here every day and the pain overwhelms me to the point where I am not eating.  I think I am getting flashbacks but I am not sure.  I attribute it to this big house which I do not like it does not feel like home. Yet I think it is something more, triggers galore I guess. 

I am working on seeing a therapist too BTW.

Help!

Hello I heard about this site on OOTF.  This site has so much to help me at this stage in my journey.

I am "findingmyhome" on OOTF too.

My story is much like anyone's here we might switch the players around but the dynamics are the same.

My abuser is my PDsis.  My parents passively encouraged the abuse.  I thought my mom was the terror while my dad stood in the background but that was FOG thinking.  My dad stuck around and he is (was) just as mentally off as the rest of us. 

My FOO tendency is to favor the opposite sex and compete with members of our sex.  I pointed this out to sis who denied it (of course) all the while she will complain about mom, grandma, and other females and worship the males.  Neither of us have women friends we are the types that wives hate (I hope that is a past tense for me).  Ironically both of us are married.  Her husband must stay under her thumb while she critizises other women for asking her to stay away from their husbands.

Coming OOTF I see so much PD in the FOO males too.  Subtle manipulative darkness.  I was so blind to this for so many years. 

Ugh.  Now when I see the FOO women flock around grandpa's tall proud egotistcal self I want to puke.   He even calls us "his girls". 

Nobody is innocent in my FOO.  Only my now gone grandma tried to break through this craziness and of course she is still the Bad Person even after being dead for over a decade.  She was willing to take the blame and oh how they shovel it on her. 

I tried to connect with extended FOO taking the blame and wow what a load I had to carry. 

I am now NC with all FOO. It is so much easier to find my real self, my home, and grow up the right way. 

Thank you to the people who help keep these sites going and who come here to share.