It's only been a few years since starting to realize that so many of my issues originated from my so called "functional" family. I was taught by my narcissistic mother that any problems within it were from my bad behavior. My older sister is also narcissistic and literally scares the crap out of me. I really feel she's very dangerous and has proven what a threat she is to me. Her seething jealousy of me has been there since I was born. When she feels threatened and looses control of someone she sets out to destroy them. She did have total control of my life but I got it back 4 years ago and yet she is still obsessed with me.
I seem to attract a lot of toxic people. The one person in this town I thought was a real friend did a total discard last month. She has BPD and I should have seen it coming. My best friend lives in a neighboring state but am seeing how she tries to manipulate and control me. Their are 32 messages since last night on my machine and most are from her because I wouldn't pick up the phone today. I went on face book and she had messaged "how is the car---answer the phone!!!"
I feel fortunate to have found this site. Did some lurking through posts today and it does seem like you are a community here. Didn't realize till then it's what I've been looking for. I have never felt safe since moving here. Fear over shadows my very existence. I'm 63 and have never known who I really am. I have a lot of dissociation problems. Must be codependent as I'm a people pleaser who takes too much care of others while ignoring myself plus I'm a recovering alcoholic. Proud to say I have 11 1/2 years sober and want to keep them so tackling the core issues is my priority now My mother and sister started their smear campaign before moving me here. I have no validation of what I have lived through. Much of their campaign has been to discredit anything I might say. I was dx'd with bipolar 1 before moving here and they say I'm delusional if I speak the truth. I've only been delusional a few times many years ago and have never heard of a 15 year long delusion that never changes it's story. I did go through 4 years of therapy plus 2 years in a trauma group. The state put out new guidelines and I no longer meet the criteria to get therapy.
I have started writing the book I've felt has been in me for several years but thought I needed the ending before writing it. Life is an ongoing journey and if you wait for an ending you won't be here to write it. I've written a lot of short stories, some have been published but heading in to new territory with this.
Well the post is getting a bit long. Tend to get writing but can't stop typing. Maybe need to check out that longer post section at times.
I seem to attract a lot of toxic people. The one person in this town I thought was a real friend did a total discard last month. She has BPD and I should have seen it coming. My best friend lives in a neighboring state but am seeing how she tries to manipulate and control me. Their are 32 messages since last night on my machine and most are from her because I wouldn't pick up the phone today. I went on face book and she had messaged "how is the car---answer the phone!!!"
I feel fortunate to have found this site. Did some lurking through posts today and it does seem like you are a community here. Didn't realize till then it's what I've been looking for. I have never felt safe since moving here. Fear over shadows my very existence. I'm 63 and have never known who I really am. I have a lot of dissociation problems. Must be codependent as I'm a people pleaser who takes too much care of others while ignoring myself plus I'm a recovering alcoholic. Proud to say I have 11 1/2 years sober and want to keep them so tackling the core issues is my priority now My mother and sister started their smear campaign before moving me here. I have no validation of what I have lived through. Much of their campaign has been to discredit anything I might say. I was dx'd with bipolar 1 before moving here and they say I'm delusional if I speak the truth. I've only been delusional a few times many years ago and have never heard of a 15 year long delusion that never changes it's story. I did go through 4 years of therapy plus 2 years in a trauma group. The state put out new guidelines and I no longer meet the criteria to get therapy.
I have started writing the book I've felt has been in me for several years but thought I needed the ending before writing it. Life is an ongoing journey and if you wait for an ending you won't be here to write it. I've written a lot of short stories, some have been published but heading in to new territory with this.
Well the post is getting a bit long. Tend to get writing but can't stop typing. Maybe need to check out that longer post section at times.