Hello!
I just found this site today. I have only read a few posts, but I could not be more relieved to know I am not alone. I developed CPTSD from a 8.5 year relationship with the father of my children who has Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic tendencies. He was diagnosed in May of 2017 after trying to commit suicide and being committed for 8 days. I already had my escape plan finalized at that point, signed a lease that started in July '17, but he was not aware of that yet. I had hope that the hospital stay and diagnosis would help him and he would get therapy, but it just gave him an excuse for his behaviors and choices and wrong doings.
I thought it would be over, or at least better/easier, once I was moved out with my kids. Boy was I wrong.
I moved out as planned. 1 month later, I told him he needed to stop showing up unannounced and he had to knock before he came in... it was a huge fight, but I stood my ground. He came over the next night, (unannounced of course) and told me in tears he had just left the hospital and had a tumor in his lungs and it was probably malignant. Next day he tells me he went and had a biopsy, and was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had less then 5 years to live. Eventually, when I wouldnt take him back regardless of the cancer, it changed to he had 7 months to live. Pretended to go to chemo weekly, guilted me for not allowing him to move in with me and take care of him, told me I was a horrible person and mother and that when he was dead my kids would hate me.
Found out 3 months later, beginning of Dec 2017, it was all a big giant lie. Never happened. No tumor. No cancer. No chemo.
And guess who he blames the big lie on? Me! "If you loved me as much as I loved you, you would never have left me and given up on me and I wouldnt have lost control to get you back. You should feel lucky since no one will ever love you that much to make up an illness just to fight for you"
He continued to stalk/harrass/threaten me, multiple police reports made. After he was barred from my apartment complex for fist fighting my neighbors boyfriend, and started manipulating our childrens views of reality and bringing them to tears each time they would come home- I cut off contact, including with our 2 children. That lasted a few weeks, then get supeoned to court for paternal rights. I took the last of my money- paid a retainer fee in March and am fighting for full desicion making and residential custody (Illinois is super weird with custody laws- no such thing as "full custody" unless the other parent signs over their rights, which he would NEVER do). He will still be allowed visitation but it will be minimal.
He now has a girlfriend and I am now the enemy. He sent me a text last night (because I am an idiot and unblocked him when he was being nice for 2 days when my grandma was in the hospital last weekend) that spiraled into me into a panic attack, even though I know deep down the things he says are not true. Its hard when im already insecure and feel like a bad mom for tearing my family apart (like he reminds me every day) and then he tells me I will never accomplish anything in life and im a pathetic excuse of a person and my children will grow up to hate me...and that he was crazy for ever loving me and I was the lucky one and the best gift I ever gave him was leaving him bc hes so much of a better person without me....
I dont know why I just put all this out there- or if I sound pathetic- but I dont understand why he can still make me feel so awful about myself and get inside my brain the way he does. I have kids I have to be strong for and im deteriorating because I feel like I will never ever get away from him fully. He will always manage to find a way to hurt me. My kids already suffer...my daughter, 8, is starting to dislike being around him, but my son (5) he has manipulated and wrapped around his victim mindset. My son told me last time he saw him "Dad said when he gets his own house I can move in with him ok mom, because he lets me play video games and plays with me and buys me whatever I want and you don't do that stuff" Broke my heart honestly.
Sorry for the ridiculously long ramble. Comforting reading others stories. Saw a comment about their NP shooting a gun right next to them, mine did that twice. Once to his head- but it misfired. Still can hear both shots as I buried my head in my pillow and he stood next to me. Thanks for listening
I just found this site today. I have only read a few posts, but I could not be more relieved to know I am not alone. I developed CPTSD from a 8.5 year relationship with the father of my children who has Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic tendencies. He was diagnosed in May of 2017 after trying to commit suicide and being committed for 8 days. I already had my escape plan finalized at that point, signed a lease that started in July '17, but he was not aware of that yet. I had hope that the hospital stay and diagnosis would help him and he would get therapy, but it just gave him an excuse for his behaviors and choices and wrong doings.
I thought it would be over, or at least better/easier, once I was moved out with my kids. Boy was I wrong.
I moved out as planned. 1 month later, I told him he needed to stop showing up unannounced and he had to knock before he came in... it was a huge fight, but I stood my ground. He came over the next night, (unannounced of course) and told me in tears he had just left the hospital and had a tumor in his lungs and it was probably malignant. Next day he tells me he went and had a biopsy, and was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had less then 5 years to live. Eventually, when I wouldnt take him back regardless of the cancer, it changed to he had 7 months to live. Pretended to go to chemo weekly, guilted me for not allowing him to move in with me and take care of him, told me I was a horrible person and mother and that when he was dead my kids would hate me.
Found out 3 months later, beginning of Dec 2017, it was all a big giant lie. Never happened. No tumor. No cancer. No chemo.
And guess who he blames the big lie on? Me! "If you loved me as much as I loved you, you would never have left me and given up on me and I wouldnt have lost control to get you back. You should feel lucky since no one will ever love you that much to make up an illness just to fight for you"
He continued to stalk/harrass/threaten me, multiple police reports made. After he was barred from my apartment complex for fist fighting my neighbors boyfriend, and started manipulating our childrens views of reality and bringing them to tears each time they would come home- I cut off contact, including with our 2 children. That lasted a few weeks, then get supeoned to court for paternal rights. I took the last of my money- paid a retainer fee in March and am fighting for full desicion making and residential custody (Illinois is super weird with custody laws- no such thing as "full custody" unless the other parent signs over their rights, which he would NEVER do). He will still be allowed visitation but it will be minimal.
He now has a girlfriend and I am now the enemy. He sent me a text last night (because I am an idiot and unblocked him when he was being nice for 2 days when my grandma was in the hospital last weekend) that spiraled into me into a panic attack, even though I know deep down the things he says are not true. Its hard when im already insecure and feel like a bad mom for tearing my family apart (like he reminds me every day) and then he tells me I will never accomplish anything in life and im a pathetic excuse of a person and my children will grow up to hate me...and that he was crazy for ever loving me and I was the lucky one and the best gift I ever gave him was leaving him bc hes so much of a better person without me....
I dont know why I just put all this out there- or if I sound pathetic- but I dont understand why he can still make me feel so awful about myself and get inside my brain the way he does. I have kids I have to be strong for and im deteriorating because I feel like I will never ever get away from him fully. He will always manage to find a way to hurt me. My kids already suffer...my daughter, 8, is starting to dislike being around him, but my son (5) he has manipulated and wrapped around his victim mindset. My son told me last time he saw him "Dad said when he gets his own house I can move in with him ok mom, because he lets me play video games and plays with me and buys me whatever I want and you don't do that stuff" Broke my heart honestly.
Sorry for the ridiculously long ramble. Comforting reading others stories. Saw a comment about their NP shooting a gun right next to them, mine did that twice. Once to his head- but it misfired. Still can hear both shots as I buried my head in my pillow and he stood next to me. Thanks for listening