So much of my life now makes sense. I started seeing a PsyD 10 months ago. I had spent three out of the past 5 years in therapy for anxiety and depression, and never felt as if my providers understood me or what I was experiencing. I found some info online about CPTSD and went and found a new provider. I knew that what I was dealing with was serious and complicated, so I focused on PsyDs only and selected a young lady who had only been practicing for about a year. My rationale was that her training was as current as possible, and it was my belief that CPTSD was a new diagnosis and the profession was still learning about it. I made a huge mistake and I am now picking up the pieces trying to undo the damage enough to find a new provider.
I was a reading machine, averaging about a book a week. I read books by Hermann, Van Der Kolk, Courtois, and Pete Walker. six weeks into therapy I was way out in front of my provider. I actually thought that my therapy was going well, but I missed key warning signs and continued making myself vulnerable and opening up to the wrong provider. My T claimed to be a trauma specialist and some of the things that she provided were valuable. the breathing exercise helped (a little), but they were treating symptoms and did nothing to get to root cause. Six months into therapy my sessions didn't seem to have any direction, and I had stopped making any progress. So I asked my T for my treatment plan. She started crying... *! Whats worse is that I now realize, that she lied to me. She said that she was overcome by emotion because I challenged authority and that it was such great progress. What really happened was that I confronted a scared adolescent who hadn't done her homework. I foolishly bought her story and continued treatment. Our relationship slowly declined after that. I opened up about my past and the need to grieve, and she continued to provide minuscule Input. When I asked what treatment she was using, she told me that it was her own version of a CBT/DBT hybrid. When I explained the I need to work on grieving and my inability to have relationships she blew my off. Right before Christmas, she told me that she was leaving her practice this summer. This was a very complicated issue for me. Although I was dissatisfied with her treatment or lack of it, I had become extremely attached to her. I had told her things I had told no one else, ever. My last session was Wednesday. We spent the hour arguing over the kind of treatment I needed versus what I was getting. I was internally distraught, but externally controlled. No yelling or inappropriate behavior. She proceeded to tell me that she could no longer see me for ethical reasons. It was so cold and insincere I was blown away. So here I am in the middle of an emotional flashback, and she is quoting lawyer talk that she memorized off of a card and couldn't get me out of her office fast enough. The sound of the betrayal was deafening. So I spent the next two days at home vacillating between emotional flashback and depression. I know have my feet under me enough to start the recovery process. I know I need to get back into treatment, but I have no idea where to start. Any tips for finding a provider?
I was a reading machine, averaging about a book a week. I read books by Hermann, Van Der Kolk, Courtois, and Pete Walker. six weeks into therapy I was way out in front of my provider. I actually thought that my therapy was going well, but I missed key warning signs and continued making myself vulnerable and opening up to the wrong provider. My T claimed to be a trauma specialist and some of the things that she provided were valuable. the breathing exercise helped (a little), but they were treating symptoms and did nothing to get to root cause. Six months into therapy my sessions didn't seem to have any direction, and I had stopped making any progress. So I asked my T for my treatment plan. She started crying... *! Whats worse is that I now realize, that she lied to me. She said that she was overcome by emotion because I challenged authority and that it was such great progress. What really happened was that I confronted a scared adolescent who hadn't done her homework. I foolishly bought her story and continued treatment. Our relationship slowly declined after that. I opened up about my past and the need to grieve, and she continued to provide minuscule Input. When I asked what treatment she was using, she told me that it was her own version of a CBT/DBT hybrid. When I explained the I need to work on grieving and my inability to have relationships she blew my off. Right before Christmas, she told me that she was leaving her practice this summer. This was a very complicated issue for me. Although I was dissatisfied with her treatment or lack of it, I had become extremely attached to her. I had told her things I had told no one else, ever. My last session was Wednesday. We spent the hour arguing over the kind of treatment I needed versus what I was getting. I was internally distraught, but externally controlled. No yelling or inappropriate behavior. She proceeded to tell me that she could no longer see me for ethical reasons. It was so cold and insincere I was blown away. So here I am in the middle of an emotional flashback, and she is quoting lawyer talk that she memorized off of a card and couldn't get me out of her office fast enough. The sound of the betrayal was deafening. So I spent the next two days at home vacillating between emotional flashback and depression. I know have my feet under me enough to start the recovery process. I know I need to get back into treatment, but I have no idea where to start. Any tips for finding a provider?