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I have frequent dreams of my unN/Bpd m and brother. These dreams ALWAYS involve a house (it is a different house in every dream). My m is always kind and nurturing, at least, never abusive. She accomodates me, asks about my needs, and is helpful. These dreams absolutely baffle me. Any insight, ideas, or experience to share?

I am just strting to open my eyes to the severity of the neglect and abandonment that I was faced with growing up. I realized as I was reading some literature on the subject that, yes, I faced more emotional pain and punishment if I would have attempted to turn to unN/Bpd M for help or nurturing. I also went to college for a helping profession job, and the professors pushed professionalism, professionalism, professionalism. Stay detached from the client to protect yourself and the client. Ok, I understand the importance of that for the majority of the time. My professors modeled professionalism. Very unattached, to me, almost aloof and uncaring. This triggered me. Also, one of the professors was definitely at least N. Very similar to my mother and actually freaked out on me when we were alone in her office for something she previously complimented me on. After that, zero trust for this "professional". I told my professors to just be honest and up front, don't sneak behind the scenes. Well they snuck behind the scenes. I was so triggered and burnt out, I almost refused to go into my field. Anyways, I have noticed this "professionalism" in some counselors. My radar goes up. I understand that it's not about them and they're not doing anything wrong. I realize that is my stuff connected to my abuse and neglect. I perceive it as dangerous because I was never nurtured. I know the professionalism just is not a good fit for my c-ptsd. This is more of an aha moment than anything else. I just wanted to share. I would love to hear insight from others!

Hi everyone,
I have known that I have been angry for years. Some days are better than others. When I am stressed and/or tired, my anger is the worst. When I act out in anger, I feel like my mother. I hate that so much. I have the most anger outbursts at work. I have a high stress job and there are a lot of really young people at my job. My co-workers do not deserve my anger. I lash out and then feel extreme guilt and shame. I have tried to control it, and just go on automatic pilot. It is an awful vicious cycle. This one gets me the most. Then I get anxious going into work b/c I fear being reprimanded and facing the people I have lashed out on. Does anyone else have this rage? Or had this rage? I would love to hear coping mechanisms. Please help me.

Hi everyone,
I am brand new to this forum and actually working through this stuff. I have always known my FOO is incredibly dysfunctional, but many people have dysfunctional families, right? And they do just fine, or appear to be doing just fine. I have minimized the effects of abuse and neglect my whole life. So, my unN/BPD mother and I have had NC for 3 years. Previous to this NC go round, we were NC for about a year, but I went back. That initial NC was just ammunition for her. The first time I had NC with her, I still had contact with my brother, but he quit talking to me when my mother and I went NC. their relationship is very emotionally incestual. He took my place after I backed off. My mother goes on smearing campaigns about how awful I am, and people believe her. I was referred to OOTF by a mentor after she witnessed a regression and me sobbing unable to stop. My mother and brother would sit and just emotionally and mentally beat me up and laugh. It has been physical, too. I am triggered when my hypervigilance reads a dark mood around me. I then melt down. I start EMDR this coming week and am hoping for relief. I welcome all experiences, advice, and words.