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I have been LC for about 18 months and NC for the last 3 months with my UnNPD mother. Before that I struggled for many years with the damage that emotional abuse and neglect did to me. Realising only 18 months ago that I had Cptsd was a life saver really as it allowed me to feel justified in feeling the immense hurt and also to be kinder to myself, to stop berating myself for constantly struggling.

I read Pete Walkers book and at last it made sense, that I really had a valid reason for feeling the way I did, and that far from being weak I was immensely strong to have come as far as I have. However I do still struggle with occasional guilt, my mother is 92 and not in the best of health, yet I know that I have been programmed from a very early age to look out for her, my needs and feelings were rarely considered. I have told her, in person and by letter because she never really listens properly, that I need to distance myself from her for the sake of my own good mental health. I have put in place a care system for her via the local authorities, supplied her with a care line panic button, and told her I will help her if she has an emergency situation of any sort but other than that I don't want to see her or talk to her.

I am in my late 60's now and only told my kids last year how I felt about my mother and why. I have carried all this angst all my life and now I have handed it back where it belongs, I know it's the right thing to do but I still struggle with the guilt and the fear of being named and shamed for what I am doing. People can be very judgmental without knowing all the facts. I keep telling myself I am strong, that I have given her a lifeline if she really needs it, that I have no reason to feel guilty, but it's not always that easy is it?

I guess I just need a few words of support from some of you, the ones who really and truly understand my dilemma.

I often think how comforting it would be to actually meet and talk face-to-face with a fellow Cptsd sufferer, there are doubtless quite a few in various states of recovery, officially diagnosed or not, who live in the same town, the same street even. It's lovely that so many people can access and gain comfort from online forums these days, it can be a lifeline and reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. I know that privacy and anonymity are paramount and people have to feel safe so it has to be the way it is. But all I'm saying is wouldn't it be great if there was some way of putting people suffering with Cptsd together with each other in reality rather than just online. To be able to talk and truly be understood by another human being who isn't necessarily a therapist or psychiatrist, the mutual understanding could be so therapeutic.