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I read the list of books on the OOTS Books tab for doing Inner Child work, and I'm not sure where to go.  I do not want to search online, that will be too many rabbit holes. 

My concern is, I'm never done this before, and I don't know if I am supposed to dialogue, learn about, integrate, observe... any number of verbs... the inner child.  I do know that I think I have always had her around but felt shame and annoyance.  Integration sounds like a good idea (helps me ask for what I want) but I don't know. 

Who do you like and why? 

Thanks!

I had to visit my FOO last night, and for a very positive reason.  My Mom received a tribute for work she has done for about 10 years, and there was a big celebration.  I saw my whole family and some old family friends.

During the event, I was overcome with fear.  Younger me surfaced and I hated that I had to pretend I'm OK that I am using all of these defenses to be here.  Just writing this makes me feel like, thank goodness I've learned that I don't have to ignore my IC and be the anxious person that hoped this time, I'll act in an acceptable manner.  I'm not sure this is making sense. 

It's just so strange to be surrounded by people who love a system that was so painful to me.  I've paid for it in so many ways: career, relationships, health...  And they have no idea.   

It feels like my IC is beginning to integrate into my adult self and be ok.  But I haven't done much IC work formally.  I will spend more time reading the authors I've seen on this site.I think it will pay off tremendously.

Thanks lovely community.

I'm fairly new here.  I've had cptsd for MANY long, tedious, painful years, both physical and emotional and super compacted.  And I'm blown away by the effectiveness of what I've found here.  There's something about the way many people post here that is deeply understanding and non-judgmental and downright beautiful!  For me, who since I was like 7, knew that I would struggle as an adult.  I looked at the people around me and thought, I don't have a chance.  And now, I look back at that child, and struggling adult, and I appreciate that I was my own advocate.  I really love that little voice that said, amidst the dominating factors, No.  This is NOT how things are posed to work.

I just needed to share that if I can feel better, and hopeful and ok about the past and future..... And I hesitate to say anyone can, because that makes it sound like I suffered more than anyone.  I just want to wholeheartedly endorse what is on here and encourage trust in the process.  Wow, ok, I got to say it. 

I'm verklempt.

I'm feeling really scared.  (honestly, since I found this support site, I have been feeling both super scared and super relieved too.)

This is hard to say but I feel like my life has been one big flashback.  I have a combo life-threatening physical PTSD and years of emotional abandonment that I've made worse over time too.  I've come a long way and am surprised that I am not on the streets.  Anyway, I'm having a hard time seeing just how my 10 year old will ever have a chance to not be traumatized by me, and then I just start the cycle again. 

I've learned some strategies for raising him (from Peter Levine and others) but I can't tell if anything is helping.  I see him doing things I did as a child and I draw all kinds of horrible conclusions.  The most helpful thing is when I can reinterpret the strategies I developed as a child as strengths, and of course they are.  What signs can I look for that I am not teaching him how to ignore his WIC?

I would love some of your thoughts.  This is a goldmine of genuine, amazing, gracious and loveable people. 

I have a question.  My dad is an alcoholic, who knows that he is and that it's the reason I and his other kids struggle so much.  So he makes jokes and comments around me that try to 'normalize' his drinking, like - my cocktail is my drug of choice.... like maybe I'll see it differently and it will change how awful it was for me.  It doesn't help that my siblings seem to deal with their stress better than I do and still drink.  So, what is a good response to myself about his comments?  Your thoughts are very welcome. 

I have a long 25 year history of major psychiatric treatment.  I knew as a child that adulthood would be rough and I could not wait to get out of my house, knowing that this isn't how it's supposed to be.  If it weren't so sad, it'd be laughable.  I am the middle child of an alcoholic dad and emotionally unavailable mom.  He ran a bar for many years even though his dad died of alcoholism.  He is also LOVED by everyone who knows him and has a large profile around town.  No one else sees what I see.  I was hit by a car at age 5 and in a coma for 1 week so I have significant physical ptsd.  I was also ignored and excluded for many years and could not return home in my 20s and 30s without weeks of recovery needed.  I tried desperately to fit in.  I was often compared to my happier, outgoing, everything-together sister.   Hello, think that helps?  It was like a little jab to my larger wound for so many years that I had no other skills left after a while.  I've come a looooong way with medication, therapy and determination, and in some ways my family has healed a bit.  My current issues are around my sister's 'success', rationally I know that everyone suffers and grieves but it is a huge trigger, and when will it not be?  And, my 10 year old son.  How will he ever be well adjusted?  My husband is co-dependent but not bothered by it and while super supportive of my struggles, looks to me for how to discipline and set boundaries.  He has very little authority over our son.  Luckily I have learned a great deal about emotional health so I think I am a good parent.  I am so scared of traumatizing him.  I guess that the grieving just seems insurmountable and too much for 1 person.  Also I stopped drinking about 4 years ago and like how that feels, but everyone I know drinks and jokes about it and I just feel weird in a bar even when people are so cheerful!  Ok, long introduction, but I am so glad to have found this forum.  I started reading Pete Walker and found out about this site.  Thanks.