I've realised in my journey that a lack of this is what keeps me isolated and I've decided this is the bridge I need to building a healthy support network around myself. Can anyone suggest good authors for this subject. I feel as if my upbringing left me very shortchanged in that regard.
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Pages1
#2
General Discussion / Finding my self expression triggered massive EF
March 20, 2017, 08:53:24 AM
So in the past three weeks I've been working on creative writing and been working specifically on finding my authentic authors voice. What I didn't bargain on was a massive triggering of EF's that has pretty much written this week off in terms of getting things done. I realised that all this time in my life I've not been using my own voice in life, but my mother's voice and personality. I realised now I have no idea what my own self expression actually looks and sounds like.
To the extent that today I actually felt life threatening primal fear around the idea of finding my own voice. It's strange, one would not think that doing something an innocuous and self-caring as simply taking practical steps to learn to write (it's been my dream) could trigger such deep seated fear. But it's there.
To the extent that today I actually felt life threatening primal fear around the idea of finding my own voice. It's strange, one would not think that doing something an innocuous and self-caring as simply taking practical steps to learn to write (it's been my dream) could trigger such deep seated fear. But it's there.
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Trying to push through
March 20, 2017, 07:08:17 AM
Hi,
I'm in my 40's and still living in abject fear of my parent. Today was a hard day with more crying, resentment and feeling unsafe than most days. Frustrating.
I struggle to hold a sense of self. I'm a freeze/flight type, so spent most of my life engaged in busywork to keep my mind off the fear that I felt. I literally clam up and stand still whenever I'm in an intimidating situation and then berate myself afterwards for not standing up for myself. Not knowing what to say in the moment etc.
I was seriously triggered last night when my kitty cat went for a neighbourhood jaunt and didn't return until almost 2am. I ended up on my backsteps crying for her not to abandon me etc.
Just wanting to be free of the ever-present fear that wracks my life and seems to pervade every moment of my being. So hard to sit in the middle of this and soothe myself and tell myself everything is going to be okay.
I'm in my 40's and still living in abject fear of my parent. Today was a hard day with more crying, resentment and feeling unsafe than most days. Frustrating.
I struggle to hold a sense of self. I'm a freeze/flight type, so spent most of my life engaged in busywork to keep my mind off the fear that I felt. I literally clam up and stand still whenever I'm in an intimidating situation and then berate myself afterwards for not standing up for myself. Not knowing what to say in the moment etc.
I was seriously triggered last night when my kitty cat went for a neighbourhood jaunt and didn't return until almost 2am. I ended up on my backsteps crying for her not to abandon me etc.
Just wanting to be free of the ever-present fear that wracks my life and seems to pervade every moment of my being. So hard to sit in the middle of this and soothe myself and tell myself everything is going to be okay.
Pages1