So, I would like to share my story in hopes of finding the tools and support that this board seems so good at.
I was in a really bad place when I was a pre-teen. My parents were divorced when I was eight. Both remarried. My mother was completely shut down emotionally, and never allowed any expression of anger or any other "negative" emotion. My father was a controlling man with a giant ego, and if life wasn't exactly the way he wanted it to be, he got really upset. My stepmother was even worse than my father, had no patience for me or my sister, told us lies about our mother. My stepfather was actually the calmest of the bunch, but never really spoke up about anything.
Because I am hard of hearing, I already had problems making friends with the "mainstream" kids. Add that to the fact that my family's extremely rigid rules, lack of emotional connection and lack of stability it's no wonder I started "acting out."
My parents response to my "bad behavior" (yes, they called it that) was to start spanking me. That escalated into trying to control everything I did and completely ignoring me if I expressed my dislike. I started having nightmares, and no one would come when I called out. I started yelling and breaking things in what I'm sure was a desperate try for my parents' attention. Their response to that was to start sending me away.
They sent me to a summer camp for troubled kids and then finally to a boarding school. I'm sure you can imagine I didn't exactly get the emotional connections I needed and craved there. Not only that, I was mercilessly bullied by not just the other kids, but some of the adults, too. I was lost, scared, and alone, so of course I pulled away so far that I retreated into my head.
That's when my parents decided I was "better" and they would let me come home. They thought they had fixed me. I realize now, that's when I finally broke and realized the only way out was to completely give up. I'm a complete doormat now and that really scares me.
Thank you to those who read this. I'm really glad I found this board.
I was in a really bad place when I was a pre-teen. My parents were divorced when I was eight. Both remarried. My mother was completely shut down emotionally, and never allowed any expression of anger or any other "negative" emotion. My father was a controlling man with a giant ego, and if life wasn't exactly the way he wanted it to be, he got really upset. My stepmother was even worse than my father, had no patience for me or my sister, told us lies about our mother. My stepfather was actually the calmest of the bunch, but never really spoke up about anything.
Because I am hard of hearing, I already had problems making friends with the "mainstream" kids. Add that to the fact that my family's extremely rigid rules, lack of emotional connection and lack of stability it's no wonder I started "acting out."
My parents response to my "bad behavior" (yes, they called it that) was to start spanking me. That escalated into trying to control everything I did and completely ignoring me if I expressed my dislike. I started having nightmares, and no one would come when I called out. I started yelling and breaking things in what I'm sure was a desperate try for my parents' attention. Their response to that was to start sending me away.
They sent me to a summer camp for troubled kids and then finally to a boarding school. I'm sure you can imagine I didn't exactly get the emotional connections I needed and craved there. Not only that, I was mercilessly bullied by not just the other kids, but some of the adults, too. I was lost, scared, and alone, so of course I pulled away so far that I retreated into my head.
That's when my parents decided I was "better" and they would let me come home. They thought they had fixed me. I realize now, that's when I finally broke and realized the only way out was to completely give up. I'm a complete doormat now and that really scares me.
Thank you to those who read this. I'm really glad I found this board.