Hello all
I grew up in a violent household, and was sexually abused by a number of people but specifically repeatedly by my stepfather over a period of five years. I left home and went straight into a relationship with a violent alcoholic for three years. I have had what I call "crisis periods" all my life which last between six months and 2 years, interspersed with periods of what I call normality. My version of normality is not the same as that of my peers. I regularly have nightmares and sensory flashbacks but I can generally cope with those. I can't cope very well with the crisis periods, when the nightmares are often continuous and my flashbacks are triggering on super sensitive. I don't want to sleep because its so horrible and I have wet the bed when I have a really horrid one. I cannot read my own emotions unless they are overwhelming and usually that's when I am scared or upset.
I don't always see a crisis coming and I don't always recognise immediately that I am in crisis. The initial period when one side of your head is trying to work out what is happening and the other side is telling you to run us terrifying. And I do run, sometimes into bushes, which is not only pointless but embarassing and it's impossible to explain to others why I did that (once I've worked it out myself that is), because they will never understand it.
I am really pleased to find this site, I am hoping to speak with others who can help me and who I can help or just find some people who get it. Thank you for reading my post.
I grew up in a violent household, and was sexually abused by a number of people but specifically repeatedly by my stepfather over a period of five years. I left home and went straight into a relationship with a violent alcoholic for three years. I have had what I call "crisis periods" all my life which last between six months and 2 years, interspersed with periods of what I call normality. My version of normality is not the same as that of my peers. I regularly have nightmares and sensory flashbacks but I can generally cope with those. I can't cope very well with the crisis periods, when the nightmares are often continuous and my flashbacks are triggering on super sensitive. I don't want to sleep because its so horrible and I have wet the bed when I have a really horrid one. I cannot read my own emotions unless they are overwhelming and usually that's when I am scared or upset.
I don't always see a crisis coming and I don't always recognise immediately that I am in crisis. The initial period when one side of your head is trying to work out what is happening and the other side is telling you to run us terrifying. And I do run, sometimes into bushes, which is not only pointless but embarassing and it's impossible to explain to others why I did that (once I've worked it out myself that is), because they will never understand it.
I am really pleased to find this site, I am hoping to speak with others who can help me and who I can help or just find some people who get it. Thank you for reading my post.