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I'm having a good day. I have been working out like crazy lately and enjoying nature. It's calming being away from stress. I grew up in a family with a uNPD father who abused drugs and a bipolar mom who slept all day. Both are deceased. I was raised to be the golden child; that has been a lot of stress. I have accomplished a lot in my life, but the stress has not subsided. I just went LC three weeks ago with my only sibling, a NPD sister, who is doing her best to hoover me. Her husband just sent me nasty messages as her errand boy and I hardly know the guy. I have to be involved with her a little bit for reasons I won't get into and she already is trying to control the dynamics of those exchanges. I finally see the light. There is no winning that can come from being in her life- she will take and take and take. It is amazing how many people she finds herself who will let her take from them. I have cPTSD and OCD and often times my OCD can suck me into a spiral that my CPTSD just exascerbates. If I can stay away from stress I can really understand how much I have to be grateful for and look for those relationships where there is an even give and take. I recently bought a book about boundaries and I'm enjoying reading about how to be a healthier, more honest person. I hope that by practicing a healthier lifestyle, I will attract the sort of peers, friends, business associates, and loved ones I deserve to be around.

I found it strange that I'm feeling emotionally like walls are closing in around me. I have projected job responsibilities change, roommate change, substantial added personal life responsibility coming. Some of this I brought on, other change I would never ask for. I find it interesting that the only way I can describe my uncertainty is like walls are slowly closing in on me. Strangely, my scariest memory from childhood is hiding in a closet in the dark.