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I thought it might be interesting to start a thread regarding specific techniques people on the Forum are doing in their healing journey. This is people-oriented, what you are doing on a daily or regular basis in order to heal from  your developmental trauma (Cptsd). I'll follow with a "recipe" of my current healing "program". The presentation format is my own invention, but please describe your experience as you feel is good for you and you think might be of help to others.
Love and support, Chart
 

Dear Prefrontal Cortex,
I am struggling and searching to understand your relationship with "our" sub-conscious. Popular perception and running belief indicates that despite taking up nearly 100% of our conscious thinking, you in reality only represent a small percentage of our actual brain activity. I equate this situation as being similar to my trying to influence international politics... by visiting the vegetable garden of one my local council members of the relatively small town in which I live... and even! I doubt I have even THAT much perception or influence over my sub-conscious.

And so therein lies the rub of my frustration and the purpose of this letter... I should like a little more "help" from our sub-conscious regarding the current state of affairs of which we find ourselves.

To be plain: Would it not be possible that our sub-conscious starts communicating with us in an ever so slightly more clear and explicit manner? As opposed to releasing gas-bubbles of sadness, futility, uselessness and depression, to slowly waft and rise at their leisure into the domain of consciousness, couldn't we rather somehow "meet half-way" so as to...
1) Get the messages FASTER and CLEARER!
2) Have a better idea of to what these "feelings" are actually linked!
3) Perhaps give an advance-warning of the Potency of the upcoming "state of feeling" that is potentially subsequently going to shut us down like a blizzard locks-down sunny vacation spots in the south, totally unprepared for snow...

I would be doing you a disservice, my dearest Sub-Conscious, by NOT iforming you that I'm getting a little pissed off... It's as if you are subtle... subtle... subtle... and THEN you drop a forty-ton ocean-going steamliner on my sorry excuse for a corpse... What On Earth Is Your PROGRAMM here?

Please? Seriously, I've had dysfunctional relationships with people in the past, but YOU take the cake of all of them. Let's cut the crap! I can take it! But just please give it to me straight!

Signed, an extremely fatigued mind-body...

Every time I post on the Forum, I feel fear. I write from my heart. I write from my soul. But every single expression I make/do/express, I fear. I fear I'm going too far. I fear what others will think. I fear I am a "bad person" and my rejection will swiftly follow.

For this reason I almost always return and reread my post. I've learned to absolutely NOT TRUST my fear.

Rereading what I've written, usually a day later, I have a clearer sense of what my objective truly was. I have some distance. Usually, nearly always, it's okay. I think, No no, that was nice or kind or helpful... then I think... why was I scared in the first place?

I'm scared because I suffer from Cptsd. Developmental trauma has shaped my life like a sculptor starting fresh with cold hard stone. What was hammered into me as a baby was chaos, fear and utter confusion.

And I remember nothing. My mother left the hurricane when I was four-years-old. Like a tsunami that carried me deeply inland, I awoke one day and realized: the man who never loved me has now truly disappeared... I don't think my mother "explained" anything. What can you explain? Can Cptsd be "explained"? I think not. Only those who have directly experienced it can fully know the eternal chaos of obsessive mental torture that follows us around like a decaying corpse...

sorry, that's the wrong path...

This journal, I want it to be about what I've come to understand. Its been two years since I collapsed mentally. I've made good progress... solid progress. I've shaken off the corpse and that stink only wafts my way four days out of the week. At this very moment I've only sensed the Depression very briefly, once today. Today is an exceptional day. Tomorrow it could all revert again. If I've learned one thing, it's that it's not over. Just feeling better a couple hours, a day or two, well, "it" comes back. Cptsd is chewing gum on the sidewalk... and I stepped right in it.

"The tipping point" is now my objective. I want to feel okay 51% of my time here on this earth. I also want to vanquish this thing. I want to fight. I'm tired of being shamed and doubting and folding and feeling like a crumpled-up piece of trash not even in a waste bin... just lying there on a curb or in a gutter...

I want to get to a point where MORE than half of my life is "relatively" free of the razor-depression-pain of horror.

I hate this thing... and I'm wondering if hate is truly helpful.

Anyway, there's doubt... I know that feeling too. It goes on the shelf like all the other "crap".

First journal entry, new journal. Much I want to say. Didn't even scratch the surface.

It's sunny out today.

Sending love and hugs to you all.

Chart

Came across this tonight and was profoundly impressed. I feel its revalent to all sorts of aspects of Trauma, subtly (or not so subtly) related to a great deal of what we are currently discussing. Especially the topic of Somatic work.

Trigger Warning!
There is a brief discussion of "Anesthesia Awakening" along with comparing this with drug-induced Freeze (implying sexual assault). But this is touched on very rapidly and doesn't go into any detail.

Podcast with Irene Lyon:
https://youtu.be/VrsC9q4-Rs0?si=lg0LoKv1VxoFU7EB

I found this video this morning hosting Sandra Paulson discussing preverbal trauma and EMDR. I'm curious what others think and hope that this could be helpful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKSu3sTYx3E

I'm continuing to explore the Sedona Method and want to post some info and links to it.

The clincher is it's free. There are "Releasing sessions" pretty frequently. They are announced on a distribution list on WhatsApp (link below).

I waited to talk or suggest this to anyone because I'm still not 100% convinced. But that being said, I'm not stopping. It might very well be doing something, and as weird as the technique is, I've experienced ZERO negative impressions, and I've now done about six or seven "releasings". It definitely has a spiritual aspect. But it's not so straightforward and simple as might be expected. For example, depending on what I discuss as being my focus of "release" the therapist will not always approach the situation the same way. It's not always the same. I'm sure as I continue to learn about the technique I'll figure this out, but for the moment, the technique used has been very "appropriate" in a weird way.

How do I feel after the "releasing" sessions? Very often I feel nothing at all. Although I can cry profusely during the session. BUT, I've still got a strange sixth sense that this technique is "doing" something on a neuronal level. Is this my imagination? Perhaps, but the change in me is so slight and subtle I can only guess at all this. But my intuition is telling me to continue. And you can't beat free therapy, especially in the long-term realm of Cptsd...

Here's a video sample of the technique:
https://youtu.be/bT-dQ0dDgGE?si=Ulo0HJWMI2BsyBKm

Here's the WhatsApp group in order to participate in "releasings":
https://releasing.community/

One last observation. The technique is not only about "letting go". It also focuses on "holding on" and doesn't address this in a "usual" way. I find this detail very intriguing.

Would welcome any feedback, good, bad or indifferent.

It's been two/three months now (repetition) that I had a bad EF start with the new moon. And then subsequently break free and calming down with the passing of the full moon. My therapist mentioned this once as being a possible contributing factor. Other folks have made allusions here on the forum that I've picked up on as well. I would like some kind of tracking method to my EFs, but am just too busy to invest the time... at least for the moment.

Has anyone else noticed a correlation with their emotional state and cycles (lunar or otherwise)?

In about an hour I'm going for my first EEGq scan to begin a treatment of Neurofeedback in August.

References: Sebern Fisher's book, "Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma".

Here's a YT video of Sebern Fisher explaining the fundamentals of Neurofeedback treatment for Developmental Trauma (DT)
https://youtu.be/fiG3DXysqBs?si=BGe8Dtz1ZZWCSf4j

I've researched my Neurofeedback therapist's training credentials. (She's actually Swiss, not French, which already seemed a good sign.) The center where she trained is in the south of France and the information on the site clearly indicates they are aware of the specificity of Developmental Trauma. I also had an excellent feeling with her and she has been very competent and reactive since our first meeting as well as being understanding and supportive. I've not known her long enough, but in this life we sometimes have to take chances.

I'll use this thread to recount my experiences. As usual, any thoughts, reflections, experiences of others is MORE than welcome.
🙏 chart

Hello All!
Back in September (2023) when I had my Cptsd meltdown, I pretty quickly realized I was in trouble and started biking an hour every day to keep my suicidal ideation at a manageable level.
Exercise helped. It helped a lot. For some reason though I slacked off. I think I started so many other things, kinda rushing it with therapy and reading, and Forum addiction that I shelved the bike-ride after awhile. Today I was reading Lakelynn's journal and she mentioned "exercise". Something clicked in my brain. This evening I did my regular, one hour/20 kilometer bike run. Man, it helps... We can discuss Dopamine and depression for days, but honest to god, an hour's worth of exercise goes SOOO much farther than sooo many of the techniques I've been experimenting with. Instant gratification, dopamine hit, depression depressor... Good for health, life and self-love... Exercise.

So this thread is a support place for people who want to exercise and then let others know what they've done. We share and encourage like we always do. And we let others know about our own exercise successes and stories. Doesn't have to be complex or extreme, just what you did that day, whatever your exercise is, and are proud or looking for help and/or encouragement to keep it up.

Hope that makes sense. As always, together we are stronger and go farther.

Hello, just curious if anybody else also suffers from Extreme Anticipation Capacity (EAC) (And to be clear I've no idea if this concept exists as a formal term or acronym, nor if so what it's actually called!)

So EAC... That is to say, seeing and knowing what is going to happen before it happens. And I mean from a mundane level, like my daughter spilling her drink all over the gameboard, to knowing that something won't work out but it takes years to confirm...

I have this. I'm not 100% right all the time, but it's starting to really bug me, and in a more and more negative manner as I become conscious of it.

I know this is almost certainly a result of my Cptsd, trauma in infancy, and came from a need to predict what was coming as a protective tool.

My problem is the growing realization that it doesn't really help anything, then or now. Often it just brings me stress as there is zero I can do to prevent the future event.

I'm noticing it especially with my youngest daughter. And I'm wondering how much I suffered from this with my two older kids. To the point I probably traumatized them to a certain extent by trying to control the outcomes of things I perceived as about to happen and trying to avoid them by controlling them. My reaction is almost always stress and frustration which would inevitably lead to anger. Especially when I was confirmed in my anticipation.

Now that I've explored this a little, I'm better at letting go. Certainly the control factor is important to release. I think I'm doing it more and more.

But I feel now this ability has been for the most part a curse... Detrimental to me AND my relationships. Time will tell if I can "transform" it somehow into a strength, but for now I'm curious if others relate.

Thanks for your feedback.
-Chart

Hi everybody, a very close friend stopped by on Friday night. He is one of the few who I have have complete confidence with. We haven't spoken in several weeks so a lot of stuff came up. But to be brief I was explaining my sleep problems and patterns and mentioned Armee's suggestion to try and go to sleep later and the fact that I was actually doing the reverse, going to sleep earlier, and my friend kinda "jumped" and said, No, you're right. The brain's healing time is before and up until midnight. That's why it's important to go to bed early... Can anyone confirm this with outside studies or whatever? Or their own experience? Thanks 🙏

Hello everyone, boy am I glad to be here. Have started reading and relating and already am feeling a wonderful connection... I am not alone... thank you all. I am sorry we are suffering, but the realization that all this is not just me helps beyond words. I have tears coming as I write. I am 55, born and raised in the US but living in France for the past 22 years. I have struggled with CPTSD since my conception. My biological father was a violent man who abused me, my mother and my sister until my mother finally left him when I was four. I received my first punch while still in the womb. I have lived in fear my whole life. Everyday I wake up with a ball of stress in my stomach. It has always been this way. Six months ago I had a major flashback and broke up with my girlfried in a crisis of anger and indignation. Four days later I crashed back down to earth in realization that I was now completely alone, getting older, struggling with my work and health, and no one I could connect with or receive understanding from. I felt guilt, shame and most of all an overwhelming fear of the precarity of my future. I laid in bed for three weeks. I tried finding a therapist. I did research on the internet. I discovered CPTSD for the first time, and the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. Christmas was a *. I have three kids and spent the whole time trying to maintain my composure and not constantly cry. Somehow I made it through but am still struggling horribly. The pain and depression are constant. My mother once told me she hid under my bed when I was one or two years old to escape a beating from my father. I have no direct memories of this period of my life, but I know from my mother and sister that the house was an inferno of screaming and yelling and violence. During this period I was mostly horizontal being an infant in his crib, and this is why I think I wake up every morning, my entire life, with a ball of terror in my gut. Like a switch, instantaneously, when I get up on my feet, the fear dissapears, lingering only as a queer souvenir of something I cannot fully remember. I have much more to say and tell but I will leave it there for the moment. I need help, but also hope to give as well as receive here. I thank you all in advance. It's time for bed in France and it's back to work tomorrow morning. But I hope to see you all again soon. Thank you again for this forum and this opportunity to connect. It means so very much to me.