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Thank you Woodsgnome,

I hold onto to faith that it will get better, and try to forgive myself for the inner powerlessness that I feel. This can't be it, And reading these posts show me I am not alone. It's nice to chat with people who understand, and speak the same language.
I'll admit that sharing anything is difficult, even when the option of anonymity is at my finger tips. Everything seems to be a trigger, but I try to be mentally prepared for the day ahead. Are we all perfectionists? Ultimately, I am posting, so it's a start.

Perhaps a day of play is in order....

Thanks everyone. It is difficult to share feelings, especially when I don't understand them. I had taught myself to keep going, regardless of the feelings I have, but everything came crashing down last year. Now, any emotion brings more and more confusion and anger.

Perhaps this is looking outside my head and applying my rules to myself. I just don't want to be angry, bitter, and untrusting for the rest of my life. It kills me now, but I'm raw,and would rather be alone than place myself at risk any longer.  I'm not sure who places the pressure on me, but I always think I am failing. I'm so hard on myself, and I can't seem to shake the voices that say I am somehow lazy, not doing enough, and so on.

Yet, I want to be whole again. I want to remember what joy feels like, or even just a sincere belly laugh once in a while. I want to feel safe.  I want to feel love. Today, I have the will to work on it.

Thanks everyone.  I guess this is the " real " start to my journey. I have a lot to learn, but it is nice to see that others can understand. Feelings are hard....

Oh, and just posting here is making me nauseous. You are the first people I am sharing with, other than my therapist. 😄

Hello everyone,

Came across your site and started reading. I've got to admit that every single post made so much sense to me.  I was diagnosed last year, and have been in therapy since. I think I am progressing, but share in the incredible frustration. I tend to be angry all the time. Although sitting beside me you would never be able to tell. It's all internalized. Baby steps.

Can anyone tell me if they have had this experience?  I sometimes experience moments where it seems that someone is holding two large boxes of "old pictures" over my head, and a slight piece of information causes the two boxes to be tipped over causing an avalanche of images in my head. They move so fast that I can only get slight glimpses of the memories.this leaves me so confused state, not fully understanding anything that is going on anymore. The thoughts make no sense but they certainly carry enough to leave me broken everyday.
Is this normal?