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Messages - suzannedamage

#1
Such a relief to hear others going through the same.  Thank you all for sharing, you've made me feel less isolated here in my brain!
Can't remember where it came from , I was once told that other peoples thoughts are not my buisness.  Took me a while to ponder on it but it does seem to help me now.  When my brain starts on its worry what others think ( all the time) I say that to myself.  The always needing to do the right thing then takes over and agrees, it's none of my buisness.  Doesn't work all the time,  hey ho, sometimes is better than never.
Good to meet you all, hope you are all keeping well and safe.
#2
Self-Help & Recovery / Re: Releasing greif
April 11, 2018, 06:21:32 PM
Thank you. 
#3
Self-Help & Recovery / Releasing greif
April 11, 2018, 01:00:30 PM
Hello there,

So good to meet you all.  Feel like I've found my tribe!

Does anyone have any tips on how to create a safe space to release greif?  Been doing good with mindfulness and shadow work but this greif bugger is too well trained and fortified in its shatterproof globe hidden away to deal with.  Progress, I know it's there!

I've fathomed I need a safe space for my psyche to let go but have no clue how to create that safe space, just writing that has made me think I don't know how to because I've not experienced it.  Psyche on guard at all times! 

Any hints and tips will be great fully accepted. 

Love to you all 



#4
Therapy / Re: dumped by my provider
April 11, 2018, 12:31:05 PM
I'm living in france.....not even started accepting C-PTSD here.  The uk a bit better, they admit it exists but no trained therapists!   I've found Peter Walker online.  He's got a long waiting list but reckoned that I'd rather wait for him than talk to some one who knows less about it than I do!   I'm finding mindfulness a good tool to help cope in th meantime.

Like you I'm doing my reading.  Alice miller. Has been helpful.

I'm doing good for flying solo but like you cannot release the greif.  I've worked out a very safe space is needed and haven't found that yet.  I've got far enough to know it's there, after doing minfulness and exploring the feeling I've seem it as a glass sphere in my centre, a crystal ball, inside it scenes of ravaged seas and stormy wrather.  That's where it all gets put, old and new alike.  At times it pushes up, can feel the pressure pushing through my throat up to my face, then back down it goes to its safe spot to be ignored again.  I know the ball needs to be smashed but the world full of oceans in there is too much to even contemplate never mind facing and releasing it!

I was wondering if there are techniques out there to create a safe space for one self where the psyche feels comfortable enough to let go?  Having a room somewhere that is totally private, a little sanctum somewhere. 

I'm sorry you have been so let down.  Bummer when you've got so far to ask for the help.

Any tips or tricks you've discovered to deal with this greif demon I'd love to hear....mines too entrenched to get near.
#5
Sounds like you need support now.  there must be therapists that would do phone conssultaions to fit in around your work schedule?   You need help and practical support. Are there any support groups in your area?   I have found doing minfulness practice has helped loads.  After not being able to grasp what mindfulness is for years a book by Ruby Wax, mindfulness for the frazzled, explained about the brains responses and gave simple instructions.  For me it has given a tool to cope better when it's all getting on top.  Can you find another job that isn't stressing you so much?

I was a nurse for 25 years, only now with hindsight I can see I was compounding and adding to my trauma.  Trouble was with my unknown mental illness I didn't have the capacity to see I was in the wrong profession for the wrong reasons.
my symptoms of picking and hair pulling I tried to curtail by having a leather tie shoestring bracelet that I picked at instead, didn't get the pain response and relief but kept the picking fingernails busy.  I have seen a similar coping strategy with an elastic band on the wrist that can be pulled and picked at, gives the picking fingers something to do and a slight pain response to calm the brain without damaging yourself.

The eating and vomiting...well.  The only way I cracked that was for months having nothing in the house that wasn't healthy, tons of fruit etc.   I'd still binge but as I only had good stuff to binge on after the fact when I wanted to purge I would talk to myself listing all the good stuff I'd eaten.  By the time I'd done that the need had lessened and I also felt better for knowing I'd actually treated my body to some good stuff.

It's only just occurring to me that this pain type of self abuse aswell as the self abuse and dopamine releases  could be the brain trying to stop the stress response.  Mindfulness is about switching off our flight or fight response which is on all of the time.  By focusing on a sensation we move our brain away from the flight ot fight system.  Stimulating pain in an area makes you focus on the sensations in that area therefore has a calming effect.  There will be a tool out there that suits you that could replace the damaging coping strategies your brain currently has.  Keep on looking till you find the key.  Know you are not alone, you have a tribe out there rooting for you.

I hope you get the help you need.  Breathe and know it will get better.

Let me know if you find anything helpful out there, always looking for helpful resources!

Love to you x x

#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / hello
April 11, 2018, 09:59:36 AM
Thank you for these pages, invaluable.  I've not found much help out there yet for C-PTSD, in the UK there aren't any therapists offering support yet!  I eventially found Pete Walker online and now have found this wonderful site.

After many years of denial, searching, lack of help (drs advice in the past, join the rotary club, you look fine there's nothing wrong with you, here have sone barbituates) the pieces have fallen into place, there are tools to help now.

I have no family, have travelled this journey alone so thought my feelings of isolation were just that, thank you to all those posting before me making me see it is also another symptom of this trauma.  Just meeting you all, seeing this community has helped already!