Messages

Thanks Kizzie.
I do know about OOTF but haven't looked on there for a while since discovering OOTS so will take another look at the site.
Thanks again 😊

I have been LC for about 18 months and NC for the last 3 months with my UnNPD mother. Before that I struggled for many years with the damage that emotional abuse and neglect did to me. Realising only 18 months ago that I had Cptsd was a life saver really as it allowed me to feel justified in feeling the immense hurt and also to be kinder to myself, to stop berating myself for constantly struggling.

I read Pete Walkers book and at last it made sense, that I really had a valid reason for feeling the way I did, and that far from being weak I was immensely strong to have come as far as I have. However I do still struggle with occasional guilt, my mother is 92 and not in the best of health, yet I know that I have been programmed from a very early age to look out for her, my needs and feelings were rarely considered. I have told her, in person and by letter because she never really listens properly, that I need to distance myself from her for the sake of my own good mental health. I have put in place a care system for her via the local authorities, supplied her with a care line panic button, and told her I will help her if she has an emergency situation of any sort but other than that I don't want to see her or talk to her.

I am in my late 60's now and only told my kids last year how I felt about my mother and why. I have carried all this angst all my life and now I have handed it back where it belongs, I know it's the right thing to do but I still struggle with the guilt and the fear of being named and shamed for what I am doing. People can be very judgmental without knowing all the facts. I keep telling myself I am strong, that I have given her a lifeline if she really needs it, that I have no reason to feel guilty, but it's not always that easy is it?

I guess I just need a few words of support from some of you, the ones who really and truly understand my dilemma.

I discovered this website a couple of years ago and through it finally found out about Pete Walker's book about this time last year, wondered why I hadn't checked out the Resources section sooner. It was a revelation to me, explained why I had had so many mental health difficulties throughout my life and also allowed me to be kinder to myself rather than berate myself when I wasn't coping well with everyday life. I dipped back into therapy after finding out about Cptsd and decided to go low contact with UnNM to give myself a break which in turn allowed me to be calmer and more present in the now, mindfulness and meditation has also helped enormously. So I really feel that this website has helped to change my life, and it continues to help when I occasionally feel fragile, it's so good to really be heard and not to feel totally alone with it all.

I'm in the 50 - 75 group, it's interesting that those who have voted so far are in the older age groups. I would have thought the opposite ratio, especially as there is more information out there these days which wasn't available when I was young, it has taken a long time for me to get to this advanced stage of recovery, still working on it 

Yes Blueberry, you make some good points to consider, there is usually two sides to every story, and just because someone is not Cptsd doesn't necessarily mean that they are very self aware about their own lives, I often get the impression that many people are in denial about all sorts of problems in their own family dynamics for example. We are all on different paths, moving at different rates of speed, we are ready when the time is right for us. I would rather be Cptsd and aware than non Ctpsd and unaware, I'm pretty sure of that.

Yes, very funny, a sense of humour really can make a big difference, don't know where I'd be without mine!
I am from the UK and guess you likely are too, going by the spelling of humour.

I have only identified with Cptsd in the last year, hadn't been aware of the term before that, but it has meant that I can be kinder to myself when I struggle with certain situations. About 20 years ago I assumed I had Avoidant Personality Disorder because that seemed to describe my difficulties, but I identify so much more completely with Cptsd. I am beginning to be more open with people about my mental health problems but have to take it slowly because no matter how nice people are there is only so much they can absorb or understand if the whole thing is not remotely in their experience. There are a few people I can really relate to, one or two who have had difficult backgrounds and struggle to cope with life, but they too live elsewhere so there is little or no chance of a face to face discussion, but I cherish having them in my life nonetheless. Thank goodness for the internet, that's all I can say, I have made more progress in the last 20 years than in the whole of my life and I am 68 now, still learning, still progressing.
Thanks for your comments Rainagain, I wish you well.

I often think how comforting it would be to actually meet and talk face-to-face with a fellow Cptsd sufferer, there are doubtless quite a few in various states of recovery, officially diagnosed or not, who live in the same town, the same street even. It's lovely that so many people can access and gain comfort from online forums these days, it can be a lifeline and reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. I know that privacy and anonymity are paramount and people have to feel safe so it has to be the way it is. But all I'm saying is wouldn't it be great if there was some way of putting people suffering with Cptsd together with each other in reality rather than just online. To be able to talk and truly be understood by another human being who isn't necessarily a therapist or psychiatrist, the mutual understanding could be so therapeutic.