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Thank you. My abuser was married to someone who left CS but never received counseling. The abuser could abuse without fear of repercussion, as the former CS member would glaze over and allow it. It has always been terribly confusing. I'm wondering, do you know anything about CS or why your friend left it?

Many of my relatives are CS. In doing a bit of study, I've found several sites that say CS is cult-like, in that people do not speak up when someone does something harmful. That person 'has just not been enlightened yet', so abuse can and often does thrive. Has anyone here had any experience with this? Thank you.

Oh wow, I'm so glad this was posted. It looks good, though I don't know steps to make myself feel safe. Any ideas about that?

Just purchased it. Good to know it's good, my T recommended it as well as 'Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself' By Shahida Narabi.
The title makes it sound like it's vindictive, but it isn't. It IS practical and a bit blunt.

Me too. Either I'm attracting people who are unhealthy or I push people away. Following in hopes that someone will have suggestions.

Luna:
You are beautiful inside and out. You did not deserve any of this. None of this was your fault.  I am heartbroken reading your story but also inspired that you are here, fighting and strong. Please keep writing. You are a beautiful writer with much to say. I am just sitting here with you.

Just sitting here with you, reading and re-reading your story. Thinking how strong you are to share it and how much you've been through. Feeling heartache that you went through this.

Others will have more wisdom, but I want to address your parents' alternating between complimenting you to excess followed by horribly abusive language. I call this Push Me-Pull You. It's crazy-making behavior and it is terribly confusing and controlling. I lived in this as a child too. What my T has explained helped me to extracate myself a teeny bit from their control. Maybe it will help you.

He said this kind of behavior is to control and to make themselves look and feel better. Compliments make them feel better about themselves: 'See what a talented child we have. This must mean we are smart and good parents'. Abusive language keeps you in check: 'You are a loser, stupid, etc.' This keeps you in the sick family system, especially if you are showing any signs of strength or standing up for yourself. It's as though you are an object at those moments. Sadly, they did not care about you when complimenting. It was largely for their own benefit.

This helped me as I realized they are just sick and it had nothing to do with me. I had to (and am still in process) grieve the loss of parents who never really cared for me in healthy ways. But sloooowly I am bringing false beliefs about myself to the light. I do that here, with my therapist and with my husband.

Everyone is different so it may not help you. That's ok. Please know that I for one am rooting for you. I hope you post more.

Fantastic! We have two dogs and we understand the joy of puppies. Yippee! New life is awesome. Our dogs say 'woof' which means great job! 🐶🐶🐶🐶

Interesting, Blueberry.

I will post this in physical symptoms. Good idea. Thank you!

30 years ago a counselor had me take what is known as the MMPI test in order to assess my mental health and any disorders. I was struck by one of the multiple answer questions which said something like: 'My wrists ache much of the time.'  I remember being struck by this because I had had aching wrists ever since I can remember. I went immediately to my counselor because I was afraid it was some precursor to suicidal thoughts. My counselor at the time told me it wasn't, but I cannot remember what he did tell me aching wrists were about.

Can anyone shed light on this? I plan on asking my T but will not see him until after Easter.

I too tend to say things that are socially awkward. I'd be curious to know if there are other resources.

Sandstone, I am rooting for you in taking this stand!  I'm struggling with releasing a parent for their abuse by ceasing contact. My T said to simply repeat  "you wouldn't understand" to them when asked why I want to extracate myself. Then hang up or leave. The therapist says this statement will keep me from becoming entangled, since they will try to get me to come back into their sphere of influence by asking me to explain.

I hope I am half as brave as you. Thank you for sharing this.

Welcome, still_lost!    I am so sorry you have gone through all of this. You are brave to 'bring it to the light' in sharing. Thank you. I recently began to understand Abuse and c-ptsd. In therapy I am learning how to relate better with others: how to trust and how to tell who to trust. This takes time so please be gentle with yourself and the person who was abused. Therapy helps a lot.

I too look totally strong, together and successful on the outside. But after awhile that became lonely and kind of dishonest to my inner self, which was burned, ashamed and hurting. The yearning for relationship and depth of sharing led me back to therapy. I am blessed with a kind, loving husband and that helps too.

Whether Abuse was for a short time or a lifetime, it is damaging. But there is hope and healing with time. Thanks again for sharing a bit of your story.

Welcome Jupiter.
I'm new here and new to understanding abuse....after decades. Looking forward to learning more from everyone, and bringing to light things that have been in darkness for too long. Jupiter, I am happy to listen. I think you are brave.

Thanks! I'd like that too. So if you have verses, or thoughts, as you are journeying along, please feel free to share them. I started The Shack but didn't finish. Maybe I will go back to it this weekend. Somehow seeing the Lord as safe is difficult for me. Where was He in abuse? I'm talking with my T tomorrow about this.