Messages

You are free to post in either or both, as you see fit.

Ok.

That's the thumbs up I needed, thank you Three Roses.   

Hello, i have looked in both childhood and adult trauma sections of the forum, wondering if I am ok to post and be part of both.
My problems began in childhood, I suffered years of abuse and isolation which ended up in me making some really bad choices as an adult, compounding and extending my view of the world as being a very dangerous place, addictions violence and torture followed this, so I get the feeling I might not fit into just one section here, or maybe neither... what do you reckon? Any thoughts?

the idea that you posted here, asked for help, considered suggestions, and are willing to give it a go, have already started - yeah, i'd say you're making progress!  yay for you!

Hmm... very true, sometimes these things just need to be pointed out to me.

You are right, thank you. 

I hope it goes well with you and your wife.

Thank you, I really do appreciate that. I wish I was outside looking in at times, to see if I am improving, I hope I am!?

martin, perhaps one of the ways to figure it out is to ask her.  i get that thing about not being able to read cues from others, so i ask a lot of questions.  it has sometimes driven my hub wild, but i tell him that i can't know unless i ask.  conversation, dialogue, questioning can bring the two of you closer together.

You get that too... knowing that I'm not the only one makes me feel much better.
My Mrs hasn't had much conversation from me for about 15years now and she is still around, I only hope I don't scare her off with too much info. I have started recently describing how I feel to her and she didn't run away. I will keep trying

...no, she probably can never understand fully, but if she gets educated, and if you find out what's going on with her, perhaps some progress can be made.  small steps, my friend.  this is a process, and won't be figured out all at once. 

i do so wish you the best with this, and hope you can at least make a start.  sometimes that's all that's needed to get the ball rolling.

Thanks for the advice San, it really does help, obvious things are often not that obvious to me and I doubt myself and those around me too much at times. I should and will give it a go, I have nothing to lose and much to gain.

We're not making excuses for 'bad' behaviour, we genuinely need someone IRL to understand. When the majority of 'therapists' still don't, can we expect more from our partners?

Yes we do indeed need at least someone to understand us. It's a real shame if it can't be our partners... we shall see.

i believe you'll be able to figure this out,   you know best the dynamics between you and your wife, what she might be willing to do or not, what she might be open to... 

You see, there lies the problem. I have real problems reading people, I miss or misinterpret social cues and can't often understand how she is or how she feels about most things.
I missed all this input as a child and teenager due to being segregated, and I still haven't caught up. This is what makes this all quite circular for me. I wan't her to understand to make our relationship better, but she doesn't yet so I'm not sure what she would do or how she would react.

...that's when he first accepted that this was a real thing.

I think this is important, getting people to understand that this is real, not just us all being dramatic or silly. It's not something you can just put behind you, or we would have done that already.

...bit by bit, step by step, it's sure better than it was.

You are right, it takes time. Small steps.

I think I need to think about how to do this a bit more, don't want to mess it up at the first hurdle.

Will she read a book about it? The book "The Body Keeps The Score" was VERY helpful to me in understanding myself and this disorder.

My husband tries to understand but I can see from some of his comments that he gets it intellectually but not completely. It seems he still thinks it's something that will go away if I just learn to put it behind me.

Not sure if she would read a book on it, she might!? I suppose if I had the book she could pick it up, it might be worth a try. Plus it may well help me to read it too.

I think my wife still sees me as nuts, or "a bit touched", it doesn't bother me, I just think we could avoid confusing situations if she knew more about it all.

In fact I'm not really sure what she thinks. I've never been big on sharing things with her. But I feel like I need to with this...

I've been learning about my condition for just over a year now. It is a lot to take in and It has taken me this long to only scrape the surface of how my mind and body works, and those things I need to try and do to improve life for myself.
I was just wondering how many folk here have involved their partners in their healing process in therapy or other ways, how do you do this and what kind of reaction do you get from them? Is it ultimately helpful getting them involved early or are there any pit falls we need to look out for.
I feel for me it would be easier to explain to my wife how my mind works and sometimes how it doesn't, I just don't know where to start with it. I say the odd thing now and then when the time seems right, which isn't very often.
Your thoughts on this are very welcome... thanks.   

love them!  they felt great!  thanks, martin 68.  feeling better today, calmer.  i hope you are, too.

I feel better with the support I feel from you and others here. This forum is working for me I think... many thanks to you all.

for you Martin and for you San. 

I hope today is a better day for you both 

Yes a better day today, thanks for the hug, very much appreciated. 

Hello

I have signed in and not received any replies to my post, not sure what the feelings are but they don't feel good.  Can someone say hello and respond even if you cant relate.  If there is anyone out there that can relate, please could you respond too?

Butterfly 66

Hello Butterfly, I have read your post and I empathise with your feelings. I feel disconnected from my past, I have even managed to delete partial memories, so don't feel what you are going through is strange, you are in good company here.

no, it isn't.  i hear ya.  i'm in the middle of some of that myself right now.  ugh!

ever onward.   big hug!

Hey... hope you are ok? Maybe you need some of then hugs yourself just now... 

You are welcome... 

martin68, i'm just glad, after all these months of waiting, that you're finally going to get in to see someone.  i hope it's a good fit and that you have a helping and healing experience.   

I am glad also, I've finally been referred up the line to a specialist, at long last Sanmagic.

I have filled in all the paperwork and put it in the return envelope, they give me 2 weeks to reply or they assume I don't require an appointment, I can't imagine pushing this hard just to drop out!?

I wish I could have gone into more detail on the forms, but I felt more and more jaded as the questions progressed.
I hope they don't analyse my hand writing either, it gets more scrappy as the pages are turned... Lol

But yes, it's good news really... yup.   

This thread speaks volumes about the difficulty of re-orienting...

I agree, I imagine it is something we all go through, it's wearing and most service users must find the changes problematic... 

...Not to mention the redundant "and why were you like that" retort. Funny if it weren't so utterly inane.

I know... and "how did it make you feel", well not great obviously!

...Best to all on this thread; I hope you receive the consideration you deserve. 

And thanks for that Woodsgnome, it's good to get it off my chest and share my frustrations, I suppose it's necessary at times.