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I do believe, it is so important to heal that inner loneliness through our connection with ourselves/ healthier relationships.

I don't know why this comment just hit me like a brick. A connection to ourselves... I've been really struggling with the sinking feeling and knowing that connection is the key, but not really knowing what that means when I'm alone. I've also been working on feeling my feelings. This comment just brought it home for me. Feeling feelings IS connecting with others and (when alone) ourselves. That might be a blinding flash of the obvious, but how helpful.

I do so relate to this thread. Thanks for posting!

Hi Cocobird,

I'm so sorry that happened to you.
All I know is that panic attacks are the worst. Do you have any idea what triggered it? Sounds like worrying about money at least started the ball rolling. Even if you don't have another one, try to keep a mood log and see what stressors cause you to worry. You might start seeing some trends. What happens is that your self-talk starts you down a road and you may not even know it. Even saying something to yourself like, "I won't be able to pay for this" can start a chain reaction. There are some good exercises to learn to identify self-talk (it's something we don't even notice until our emotions have escalated beyond what is reasonable. Google "managing self talk" and see if you find any exercises that are Cognitive Behavioral or rational emotive. I know that's what has helped me with it.

Hope you don't have another one any time soon. Those are awful!

Thanks! I'm just waiting till they hit the right button and I come undone They want me to tip over and the only way I can stand firm is to LIMIT EXPOSURE!!!

Hi all I'm new to the forum,

My story is long and complicated, so I'll try to limit the details here.

To put it shortly, I'm up against two siblings (regarding our aging parents) who have Narcissism and (I think) Histrionic personality disorders. As I'm watching them circle me like sharks.

They got caught lying to me about something important that I found out from a stranger. When I confronted them (believe me I had to, or I wouldn't have), they did the following:

1.) Collaborated and sent one sister after me (like two car salesmen)
2.) This first sister ignored any comments about what I learned and turned the tables on me, acting like I was attacking her. When I stood firm ...
3.) She kept sending texts to push my buttons. When I stood firm ...
4.) The other sister activated and sent a warm email, acting oblivious, inviting me out to lunch ... when I confronted her as well, standing firm ...
4.) She went Jerry Springer on me and started the "I'll never forgive you" and "there are no words for you". She then ordered me to stop texting her (I was responding to her texts). Now she's threatening to exclude me from a relationship we don't have.

By the way, the lie I caught them in was moving my little old parents out of the town I live in. They're acting like my reacting to the fact that I learned this from a stranger is so unreasonable and it's cruel for me to resist them.

No wonder I'm so messed up!

I really found the article helpful! I followed the link to coparenting with an N. I needed to hear that one too. It really validated the actions I'm taking right now. It felt kind of petty deciding to avoid all 'family events' that are now in full bloom BECAUSE I've gone NC and limiting interactions with my N sister to just text messages. But now I feel like my instincts were right. I'm not trying to punish her, I really am trying to not get sucked in. I've been really sweating it, having to "coparent" our elderly parents who she has used to hurt me. She think's I'm punishing her right now, but eventually she will see this is a real break. When that happens all * will break loos. Thanks for all the validation!

Thank you!

I will change my name

Hi,

I have four older siblings with personality disorders (one recovering) and am the daughter of a Narcissistic mother.
My mother always controlled every aspect of my relationship with my father. She was nothing short of disruptive of the only childhood bond I had, and my two oldest sisters followed her example. My father was always in fear of the drama and literally protected himself alone, leaving me out there to suffer whatever came my way.

Knowing, I could never spend time with my father without including my mother, I asked my Dad to teach me to swim at 44 years of age so I could do a triathalon. They both met me at the pool twice a week, and I had coffee with them afterwards to reward my mother for the time she allowed me to have with 'her husband'. It was very bonding and I soon began to realize my mother had alzheimers. Her illness was a blessing, because she couldn't calcuate revenge and set me up when she felt rejected anymore.

I alerted my older siblings that Mom had a problem, and one day my oldest sister flew into town and within three days moved them (using heavy manipulation and guilt) into senior housing. Like a true narcissist, my sister had more important things to do than move them with any dignity. She couldn't 'trust' them to me or the other sister who lived near them, because SHE knows bests.
She seemed downright hostile when I dared voice reservations about how fast she was moving them and the pressure she was using to force them along. In the process of moving boxes (to prove he wasn't old) my father had a serious heart attack.

When my father was going under the knife, my sister blew into town for a couple days. She didn't stay to help with his recovery, having to get back to her important job as a politian in a small town, leaving me to be 'her man on the ground' during his surgery and recovery. I deeply resented it. She took credit for everything I did for them, making statements like, "I couldn't have done it without my man on the ground" - as if SHE were doing things. The truth is, she wasn't even emotionally supportive of me.

Every time, I called her for help, she invalidated me and acted like I was over reacting. It wasn't until her brother in law, a cardiologist, told her our father was probably dieing (based on what I was telling her) that she even thought about helping me. In her mind, a cardiologist's opinion was far more valuable than mine, not because of his profession, but because of his status. That's how my sister operates. Thankfully, her brother in law advised she notify my father's surgen, and my father was rushed to the hospital with a collapsed lung. She then took credit for saving him with the help of her 'man on the ground.'
When the rest of the family thanked ME, I knew we were going to have problems, and we have ever since. Over the past few years she's been punishing me (she's the power of attorney) by excluding me from all major decisions regarding my Parents. I learned she took all my father's money out of his bank account, to block him from buying a car, when HE called me crying and begging me to help him sue her. I had to confront her (not an easy thing with a narcissist) suggesting a process that included my Dad  testing with the DMV and then us simply telling him he couldn't drive if he didn't pass. She threw our other sister under the bus, and it all got dropped as my father adjusted to life without a car. I never had to take him in.

The newest development is that I found out from a perfect stranger who works at their senior housing facility that she's moving them out of their home town of 50 years to the small town she dominates because I don't visit them enough.
I confronted her and she sounded furious that I knew, asking, "who told you!" After several rounds of her turning the tables on me, twisting my words, and setting me up like my good old mom used to do, I decided to finally cut her, and my other sister who helped her hide it from me, out of my life. I called the Ombudsman to investigate whats going on and I told her so. The Ombudsman said, they would sit down with my parents and ask what THEY want.
She keeps sending texts deliberately trying to push my buttons, saying one thing and then the complete opposite. She keeps pretending she's utterly hurt and confused by my growing frustration. When I get into it with her, she twists my words like an emotional kung fu master, sending me away furious.
I'm hoping I can find some support as I move on with my life. There will be more scuffles as I've decided I cannot let them take my parents without a fight, unless my father tells me he wishes to go of course. I decided I must slow her down and prevent him from being strong armed again by this insensitive person. I must admit, I'm shaking in my boots, but I'm ready to do this. There will be high drama, I will just have to endure.

I'm hoping to get whatever support I can find from those who understand. I've been spiraling into a depression and have been diagnosed with CPTSD, something I began to work on after my father's surgury almost tanked my life. Rapid Eye Movement Therapy has helped, but I need more support. My husband is also very insensitive, and he is a whole other story. I want to be free of these vampires once and for all, but I keep getting sucked in by them in every aspect of my life. I MUST have something to do with it and I want to get better.

Thanks if you read this far