I'm reading about diminishing the inner critic voice and part of it resonates, part of it doesn't. Nothing seems to be quite as conscious and loud as the article seems to imply. I don't have a "word-thought" with content I seem to react to. I don't hear a berating voice. It starts with the flashback into intense fear of abandonment and then I can work my way back to some sort of unfulfilled perfectionist expectation of myself. I don't berate myself for it.
This leads to the biggest a-ha I got from exploring that: I am terrified of losing my partner's love because I'm not quite sure how I secured it in the first place. So I grasp at straws, guessing about what "value" I have for him, subconsciously assigning Great Importance to some things (like housework - for example I get the panicky shaking fear if he comments about the food I make in any way other than delight). I haven't finished the article, I see there are some strategies to try, but I'm thinking I could discuss this with my partner, so that I have a specific instance of him explaining his feelings for me to call up in my mind when the big rejection button gets slammed. We'd work it out in a way that it's not something that my brain can twist into a list of expectations.
This leads to the biggest a-ha I got from exploring that: I am terrified of losing my partner's love because I'm not quite sure how I secured it in the first place. So I grasp at straws, guessing about what "value" I have for him, subconsciously assigning Great Importance to some things (like housework - for example I get the panicky shaking fear if he comments about the food I make in any way other than delight). I haven't finished the article, I see there are some strategies to try, but I'm thinking I could discuss this with my partner, so that I have a specific instance of him explaining his feelings for me to call up in my mind when the big rejection button gets slammed. We'd work it out in a way that it's not something that my brain can twist into a list of expectations.