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Hi everyone,

Me and my wife are struggling again with our relationship... and it feels like it always gets this way when my mental health isn't right.  I have really struggled this week (feel like triggers are everywhere and in the most unexpected of places) and I know I'm not fun to be around but I do really try to hide the worst of my feelings.  She said this morning that every day is really hard, so I guess I'm not doing as good a job as I thought at trying to appear 'OK'.  I'm just feeling really sad because it feels like I'm trying my hardest but still coming over as being the 'bad guy' and I don't feel like I've got anything else left in me.

I don't want to hurt her and I loathe myself for how I am, I really do.  I wish I weren't like this because then we wouldn't have this horrible thing in our lives to contend with.  I just don't know what to do from here.

Hi Arpy

Thank you for replying

Yeah I've not got an official diagnosis, it was my therapist who said that I meet almost all the diagnostic criteria by a long shot and then the more I looked into it the more I agreed.  I don't think it's worth trying to get my p-doc on board because they just don't seem interested in diagnoses these days (which is actually a refreshing change from the last time I was involved with the CMHT and they seemed desperate to whack a label on you and move on). The last p-doc I saw was really nice but said my flashbacks weren't flashbacks because they weren't visual (they were physical sensations) but I've since found out that's pretty common with C-PTSD.

Thanks for the recommendation of books, I will have a look at those.  I am currently looking at the academic literature around the subject (that is kind of how I prefer to engage with stuff!) but I think I will get to the point where I want to read the more accessible stuff too...  I just tend to be better reading about stuff with my academic hat on rather than, you know, actually having feelings

It's really nice to meet you anyway I really hope I can feel part of this community xx

[know]

Hi everyone,

It has just recently been suggested that I may be suffering from complex PTSD and I guess I'm looking for a bit of support and to get to know some other people who might understand the stuff that I am going through.

I have had mental health problems for nearly fifteen years and have previously been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and borderline personality disorder.  I must admit the C-PTSD label seems to fit better than all the others and it explains a lot.  It's just a shock and quite a lot to get my head around; up until yesterday I didn't even know about C-PTSD!

It would be good to know that there are others out there who understand and who maybe could point me in the direction of some useful reading, etc. to help me make a bit more sense of all this.

L xx