Messages

I believe your story. I've had the same experience, even with the rare sympathetic listener, they usually don't want to admit to themselves that such a thing as a truly vicious mother (who looks completely normal) exists. Being heard about that either by a fellow survivor or a mental health professional can be a surprisingly profound relief and be very powerful.

All the best to you

Thanks,

Planning on doing the EMDR with my current therapist. I was asked to write down the 20 most traumatic memories which at first seemed like too few but it all gets strangely blurred. Glad to hear its working for you.

Here's a couple you might not have heard.

A happy song about being depressed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijkosmjjWRk

And something completely different

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYoINidnLRQ

Starts off slow.

Thanks for the music

Dan

Hi All,

Just saying hello. Hated talking about this stuff for most of my life, it brought up paralyzing fear and shame/ self disgust. Also trained from day one that drawing attention to myself caused horrible things to happen. Not really words to describe the feeling of wanting to jump right out your skin because  of all the creepy crawlies while your head explodes with anxiety and anger and unable to say a word about it.

Anyway been doing quite a lot of meditation after getting deeply into yoga for a while prior. Have found I can handle some of these feelings now and it is quite a relief to talk about it so thought I would say hi after reading some of your posts.

I've been lucky to find a decent therapist out here in rural New Zealand (as far from my family as I could get I guess) and have gone twice. My first therapy sessions at age 40 so I've got some trust issues. The mind of a child does some strange things when in close contact with someone (or several someones) with little or no empathy and has to make sense out of their behavior. Fear is healthy if you can run away, if not it gets to be a bit much. I've spent far too much time feeding the anger beast, if you can find a way to feed compassion and empathy (for yourself especially) it will eventually pay off, I'm sure in a way that rage never can. Compassion for the devil can even be healthy, as long as you do it from a safe distance, like as far as possible. Sorry got preachy there.

All the best to you,

Dan