Hello, I am early 45, an Australian, married twice, and recovering from a colossal breakdown, which I nearly didn't make it through 3 times. The initial diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder & General Anxiety Disorder, with episodes of Anxiety Hysteria. I had experience a lot of stressful life events, and fell apart. At the core, base & end of every closure was my lack of Self-Worth, my exaggerated self-hatred, the anticipation that something bad was always about to happen and that I truly deserved it. Why? Because I have stripped back through my damaged self to understand, what I live with is Complex PTSD caused by my Father, a Narcissistic Sociopath. The fact that books, forums, support groups & help exists for this illness, is enough to cause more tears, but of relief this time. I am not actually defective, inferior and worthless. I am a product of someone's own insecurities, I have been the power supply to feed his control need & energy for public charm. and then the adoration he gets from others, gives him power to crucify my Mother & I. Yesterday, after many months of pulling back from him further and further, I had a verbal outburst at him and burned all bridges. He jointly owns with my Mother, the house I rent, and as their marriage disintegrates, I will support her and manage our changing living arrangements. But as of yesterday, I broke free, on my true journey to recovery and a happy life.....
